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Friday, August 23, 2019

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Technical/Operations

Landman Awakens from Coma, Sees Price of Oil, Relapses

CALGARY, Alberta – Independent landman Rip Van Wanker was badly injured during a full-contact beer pong contest at a now-closed Hooters Restaurant in Calgary...

Bendovus executive benefits revealed

CALGARY, Alberta - With recent news that Premier Notley and her cabinet were receiving salary bumps in troubled times, we here at 2P News felt it was...

Government

Lifestyle

Geology/Geophysics

GeoPhone App used to record the seismology of love-making

CALGARY, Alberta - Junior geophysicist and sexual deviant, Dustin "boom boom" Weaver, has remarkably been able to find rather strong correlations between various sexual...

Geologists can perform basic arithmetic, study says: ‘We engineers are not the only sophisticated...

The peanut-shaped brain of a geologist is roughly the size of 2 or 3 medium sized chicken wings. It contains fewer than 1 thousand...

Casket Wars Canada reality TV show sweeping the nation

CALGARY, Alberta - From the network that brought you Storage Wars and 27 & Counting, B&E's brand new reality TV show, Casket Wars Canada,...

PNG golf tournament delayed when geologist stumbles upon rocks

CALGARY, Alberta - Play stopped yesterday at the Sphincter Ridge golf course in northeast Calgary.  The Petroleum Exploration & Explanation Association hosts its golf...

Subsurface PNG professionals launch Rez-Rescue emergency response

CALGARY, Alberta - It has been said that necessity is the mother of all invention. Here is a case in point from an entrepreneurial...

420 MMbbl oil pool discovered in Compton, CA

LOS ANGELES, California - In a stroke of chemically induced ingenuity, senior geophysicist Smokey Reefer with Oakland-based Vapobong Resources believes he has discovered an...

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Dear Andy

Dear Andy: Ultimate cures for a Stampede hangover

GOOD MORNING!  Too loud?  We know that most of our avid readers, as well as hundreds of thousands of people are suffering right now....

Environment

New target for anti-fracking hysterics created

RIYADH, Saudi Arabia - The World Organization of Petroleum Societies (WOOPS) today announced a new pro-active campaign to counter the anti-fracking hysteria now spreading...

People's Choice Articles

Scientists invent a process to convert formation water into light oil

CALGARY, Alberta - In a remarkable scientific breakthrough, 2 scientists from the research labs at...

GeoPhone App used to record the seismology of love-making

CALGARY, Alberta - Junior geophysicist and sexual deviant, Dustin "boom boom" Weaver, has remarkably been...

Geologist finds a strong best fit through an amorphous cloud on poro-perm plot

CALGARY, Alberta - There is no question that geology is a subjective science that is...

No pipelines, no trains, just Ass

HARDISTY, Alberta - Pipelines leak.  Got it.  Trains derail.  Got it.  So what is the...

Legendary geologist, Rocky Mindsporge, invents new crayons

CALGARY, Alberta - Superstar geology legend Rocky Mindsporge, renowned for his ability to correlate the...

HR department develops online survey to assess effectiveness of online surveys

CALGARY, Alberta - The Human Resources department of an intermediate oil and gas producer headquartered...

Former oil company executive relegated to greeter

CALGARY, Alberta -The ever growing price differential for bitumen continues to squeeze the netbacks for...

Reservoir engineer creates ‘Neg Pay’ map

HOUSTON, Texas (June 2012) - Johan Fabroni, an enigmatic junior reservoir engineer at Houston-based Drypool...

Aliens vs. Geophysicists – Vibratory Revenge: Movie Review

The Bottom Line This geophyical, sci-fi revenge fantasy thriller fails to deliver on all fronts. Director-Screenwriter Francis Birch Cast Brad...

Anne Hydrite and Ray Tracing – A love story

Anne Hydrite first laid eyes on Ray Tracing at an oil and gas convention in...

Back in the Day

Engineers. Love ’em or hate ’em, you likely gotta deal with...

Engineers. If you live in Calgary, there is a good chance you are an engineer, you are married to an engineer, you work with...

Engineer rearranges contents of dishwasher to optimize dirty dish density

CALGARY, Alberta - After seeing his visiting mother-in-law load the dishwasher following a rather large Sunday afternoon family dinner, Anton McKnight, a Petrophysical Engineer...

Production tech goes for coffee on the way back from going...

CALGARY, Alberta - On his way back from a 45 minute morning coffee run with 3 of his production engineering colleagues at Subterra Resources...

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