Mooncor launches petroleum irrigation project

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Artist's rendition of the oil soaking period in Phase 1 of the P.I.P.

CALGARY, Alberta – Every business in the world seeks to cut costs and increase efficiencies. Oil & gas companies strive to do just that while maintaining an ethical and safe approach to their business operations.

With that in mind, a large scale project has been initiated by Mooncor in an effort to make oilsands mining more cost effective.

The Petroleum Irrigation Project, or P.I.P., plans to erect large irrigation towers at regular spacings, connected to a 12 inch pipeline run on the surface.  When erection is completed, the pivots will essentially irrigate the 150 square kilometers of the project’s test area with partially refined crude oil for a period of 36 months.

The project moves to stage 2 once irrigation is completed, and the now softer ground can be more readily removed and the underlying oilsands mined more effectively.

Oil lying atop of existing watersheds becomes an unexpected bonus of the project, as oily slicks are easier to see in aerial resistivity surface mapping, and can then be avoided by heavy machine traffic during development.

Nancy Charmer
Nancy Charmer

The project has many benefits for tar sands mining operation. The first is to simply kill off and rot all existing vegetation and wildlife in the region, while softening the overlying soils with our irrigation phase. The second, once we have a nice soft layer of bio-goop on the surface, is to move in smaller, less intrusive machinery to the mining area and remove the goop and get at that oil!
We will save thousands of dollars on fuel for heavy machinery simply because there is so little work to do after 36 months of constant irrigation.  Plus we get to reclaim all the oil used in phase 1, which will be placed in holding ponds while we decide what to do with it. – Nancy Charmer, PR VP Mooncor Athabasca Recovery Unit

The project will cost over 23 billion dollars to complete, but accounting staff at Mooncor are adamant it will still meet economic hurdles for typical oilsands recoveries.  The cost may skyrocket however, as a recent press release dealing with aerial pipelines has project leaders wondering if a suspended Skyline would be a more appropriate test of the system, to avoid moving surface pipes later on for machinery.

Artist's rendition of the oil soaking period in Phase 1 of the P.I.P.
Artist’s rendition of the oil soaking period in Phase 1 of the P.I.P.

While most of the world has simply tuned out the nonsense that these companies do in Alberta’s northern region, an advocate and whistle-blower inside Mooncor has spoken to 2P News about her concerns with the project.

Anonymous Shinklebomer, photo redacted by Rodecker Smith (we think he was drunk)
Anonymous Shinklebomer, photo redacted by Rodecker Smith (we think he was drunk)

I think it’s about time someone hung these tyrants. I sit in the meetings and bite my tongue, but holy hell in a basket of chicken wings, this is lunacy! Coating northern Alberta in crude is a good idea to someone? OR ANYONE?  I know the guy that thought this up, and man, when they tell you someone has mental issues and shouldn’t own weapons, this guy shouldn’t be allowed to engineer.  Yeah, he even scares the tech guys a little, and their the creepiest people in the building. – Anonymous Shinklebomer (first name redacted for privacy reasons)

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