North Pole Slashes 2015 Budget

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NORH POLE, North Pole – In 2013 Santa Claus announced the divestment of his toy and gift creation centers and began a venture into oil and gas in the far reaches of the Arctic.  While 2014 was a lucrative year for Reindeer Resources and North Pole Drilling, 2015 is being approached with kid gloves.  It seems the plumetting price of oil has caused concern for Reindeer Resources and as a result the company’s capital spending has been cut from $200 million to less than $30 million based on Brent contract pricing though February 2015.

Santa speaks about cutting costs
Santa speaks about cutting costs

We had a great year but there aren’t many other options for me at this point. The elves work hard and my rigs can get well drilled at reasonable cost because let’s face it, I own everything.  But even for Santa, times are tough.  Cutbacks will be felt even as soon as Christmas morning, but that’s not my fault.  The Saudis pushed me to this and there isn’t much I can do. – Santa Claus

The crunch will be felt hardest at home, where the elf employees at Reindeer and North Pole Drilling will see 40% layoffs into the first quarter of 2015, with further cuts possible if OPEC pushes the price of oil below $12 as predicted by 2P News.  Many will struggle to feed their elf families, and most of the Elves on Shelves will ave to find employment in other nations and funnel money back to the North Pole like so many other immigrants.

Periwinkle Flashface, on the damn shelf again
Periwinkle Flashface, on the damn shelf again

I’ll be looking for a job as soon as Christmas is over.  I’ve got a good set of skills on my resume.  I can sit still, be quiet, make a mess, and stare at stuff with my eyes open for a month without blinking.  I should be able to find something in Mexico or California.  I know Dreamy was also talking about trying to get work in Iran, but he has a degree in Thermo Nuclear Physics, I took a lot of Fairy Dusting and Lego Engineering.  It’ll be alright.  I think things will turn around in a few years again. – Periwinkle Flashface, Elf on Shelf, Jones Family, Airdrie Alberta

Reindeer Resources currently produces 210M BOE, with a 60/40 gas to oil ratio.  While their methane Hydrate program is still being developed, the addition of Elf dust to the drilling mud seemed to pay off earlier in the year when tests were done just north of Siberia.  We here at 2P wish Santa the best and we hope that the industry turns around so that this tragedy will not be repeated in 2016.

 

The editors at 2P News (Proved Plus Probable) wish our readers and their families a happy and safe holiday season, and all the best in 2015! See you in the new year. Thank you so much for reading and sharing in 2014.

Merry Christmas!

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