Engineers move to ban rocks

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CALGARY, Alberta – In a monumental move by The Coalition Responsible for Every Engineering Program & Study, a massive campaign has been launched to ban rocks.

CREEPS has put forward a massive petition with over 4,000,000 signatures from registered engineers in Canada to try and convince the Harper Government to ban rocks and stones of all types from Canada.

Jong Degatuu, CREEPS PR Director
Jong Degatuu, CREEPS PR Director

“We feel this could be the most advanced move engineers in Canada have made in decades.  If we can get the government to simply ban rocks and stones within our borders, we can drive Canada to the golden pedestal on which it should rightly be perched.  Without rocks and stones, we will have simpler and more economic access to valuable earth-born resources such as oil and rare minerals.   We can relieve our exploration and mining companies from the burden of dealing with geologists and geology, which in turn makes engineers lives less stressful.  It also allows operators to execute far less complicated development plans. – Jong Degatuu, CREEPS PR Director

The ban calls on the Harper government to pass legislation banning all geology, geological work, and geological process.  This ban would include, but not be limited to, fluvial deposits, kimberlites, laminated siltstones, basalt, mud drapes, syncline folds, reverse faults, permeable sandstone, calcareous siltstone, dolomitic siltstone, primary porosity, secondary porosity, illite, kaolinite, dolomite, fossils, trace fossils, shale, coal, shaley coal, bitumen laminations, biotite, beach deposits, ripple marks, flow laminations, overbank facies, clay mudstones, and of course geologists.

Randy Mearthman, P. Geo, CSPG
Randy Mearthman, P. Geo, CSPG

This move by CREEPs is without a doubt the silliest thing engineers have thought up in the last 4 years.  Banning rocks is not only impossible, it would leave the Earth as a bubble of water with bodies in it.  And if Harper bans rocks, what about the other countries? Does Canada just become a hole in the Earth with no rocks?  How far down do they get banned?  Half a mile?  2 miles?  All the way to the Earth’s core?  The plan is pure idiocy.  Engineers are stupider than I thought they were, and I thought they were very stupid. – Randy Mearthman, P. Geo, CSPG

While no one in the 2P News office can think of any way to actually to remove rocks and stones if they were banned, we have come to the conclusion that the representatives of CREEPs are simply grasping at straws to gain media attention to their fledgling engineering professional association.

When contacted for a more in depth interview, John Degatuu was unavailable due to commitments on a redesign project for the NDP.

Apparently, CREEPs is preparing a technical paper on the operational feasibility of moving Edmonton closer to Calgary in an effort to make commuting easier between the 2 cities.

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