VEINNA, Austria – At a recent meeting of international delegates regarding the ISIS threat, a plan was formed that may possibly deal with the threats once and for all. Given that terror groups are predisposed to hide in tunnels and holes in the desert, it seems like a no brainer to use that intelligence as a tactical advantage.
“We began the meeting of course discussing Iran and the new oil and gas coming online. With that volume, and the current Middle East production levels, there is going to be a lot of hydrogen sulphide gas requiring disposal or treatment. We have decided to pipeline that gas into tunnels and caves, holes, mounds, and bunkers where terror groups like ISIS and Al Qaeda have been known to hide. This will either flush them out or kill them. We really don’t care which.” – Jack Mummasmith, Central British Colonial Minster of Bedwich
Although it is hard for targeted forces or drones to hunt through the miles of tunnels and hide-holes, a constant flow of H2S gas would prevent any movement or inhabitation in said tunnels, leaving the terror groups to move around more in an attempt to flee, as the cowards always do. Eventually, they would all be discovered and dealt with by international forces.
“The gas will get’em. Not if, but when. It may seem a little cruel but it is an industrial decision, and does not fall within the jurisdiction of the Geneva Convention. Another angle of the plan might be to offer very high paying jobs to locals in areas controlled by ISIS, or whatever group pops up next. Offer a high salary with no safety equipment for a highly hazardous job. Like drilling a gas well without BOPs. Nice. Write that down.” – Jeb Dusche, Arkansa State Court Delegate
Opposition to the plan was expected, and for environmental reasons, some opposed the pumping of toxic gas into subterranean structures and caves. While there is no ill effect on the majority of regions targeted for the pipelines, it does stand to reason there could be the occasional cave or tunnel leak that may contaminate groundwater in the area, or cause wells to catch fire.
Experts from Halliburton have been consulted and they concluded there could be no ill effects on the public or environment from the proposed pipelines, or gas pumps, or fracking for that matter.