2P News Introduces Career Recruitment Service

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In an effort to diversify our offerings and add value to our loyal clientele, 2P News is introducing a career recruitment service that will enable us to help match semi-brilliant people to mediocre achieving companies.

We look for the right fit beyond the resume – we use a combined 87 years of industry experience to make the matches based on our thorough knowledge of the inner workings of employers and our clients via their social media activities.

Our specialized team of Recruitment Engineers and Geologists has created specialized software that automatically mines the social media metadata, images, and comments of every applicant – information that plays an integral role in connecting those looking with those offering.

Are you geophysicist who posted pictures and descriptions of yourself time-travelling after far too many drinks at your last corporate Stampede party? We know just the company for you. Are you that engineer who can’t stop sharing on your neighbourhood facebook page how many cool tools you have and side projects you’re working on? Consider yourself hired.

Below is the first job posting; more to come. Enjoy.

Daveed Nillass, Director
2P Recruitment


Job Function
Geology – subsurface

Type of Role
Permanent full-time (which for most geologists is at most 20 hours per week)

Location
Calgary, AB. Canada

Education
Minimum of BSc in Geology, preferably an MSc in Geology, OR you have flipped through Geology for Dummies (3rd edition, 1997)

Job Title: Senior Exploration Geologist
Our client is a Calgary-based junior oil and gas producer currently searching for a Senior Exploration Geologist. Reporting to the VP of Development, the Senior Exploration Geologist is responsible for developing new exploration prospects and extending existing project concepts in our client’s nearly nonexistent North American acreage holdings.

Job Description:
The Senior Exploration Geologist provides the Asset Team with geological expertise and support. This perfect candidate for this position will satisfy the following criteria:

  • To create various detailed and regionally extensive subsurface maps with at most 1 data point per township. So interpretative skills must be top-notch.
  • Must be able to drill a successful vertical step-out well within 150 meters of an existing oil well that is currently known to produce at very economic rates.
  • Proficient in the misuse of plotters, by plotting at least 100 maps per week (many the same ones) on Oversize B0 JIS paper, and only picking up 2 of them. And printing at least 2 blog entries that you read on your spare time per week on the same paper (and not pick them up either).
  • Highly proficient technical software skills including Microsoft Paint, Facebook, Kijiji, and Hightimes.com.
  • In the interests of supporting the client’s environmental mandate, preference will be given to applicants who commute using a Toyota Prius Geologists Special Edition
  • You roll on the floor laughing when somebody tells you, “Geologists may have some faults, but it’s okay because they are all normal.” (Editor: #DoubleFacePalm)

It should also be noted that in effort to avoid unnecessary litigation and negative press directed towards our client, you cannot be involved with the class-action lawsuit against the Scott’s Fertilizer Company for misleading marketing and false advertising over its Scott’s Weed n’ Feed product.


Interested applicants are invited to submit a resume directly to 2P Recruitment by the end of the day November 31st, 2015. We thank all applicants, but only those who pass the strict 2P Recruitment screening process will be contacted for a face-to-face screening interview with a 2P News talent acquisition specialist.

Thank you,

Daveed Nillass,
VP Recruitment, 2P News

dfads
Mr. Daveed Nillass

 

2 COMMENTS

  1. Oh my. Marty P., do you seriously think this balderdash is real? As you colonials like to say, I have a bridge in Brooklyn I’m offering for sale and I’m sure you would be interested.

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