Bendovus Energy forces engineering staff to undergo sensitivity training

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The Disassociated Press – Calgary-based Bendovus Energy (who built an Ivy League style campus in 2013) has recently mandated that all engineering staff undergo a plethora of sensitivity training courses after allegations of extreme arrogance, professional mistreatment, workplace bullying, and inappropriate compliments were brought to the attention of the VP of Human Resources.

The sensitivity training, hosted by London, England-based British School of Etiquette (BSE), provided daily 3-hour sessions over the course of 4 weeks ending November 30th, 2018 and the results are more than impressive.

Bendovus’ VP of Human Resources, Indiya Muffberger, spoke to 2P New’s Yu Mii about the results.

“It appears that our consultants have done what I thought was

Mrs. Muffberger

impossible, and that was to beat some proper British etiquette into our engineering staff, and I must say that they are actually somewhat pleasant to be around now.” – Mrs. Muffberger, VP of HR, Bendovus Energy

According to unidentified sources close to the company, it quarantined engineering staff to the basement of the Beau Building for 3 weeks post training, where they could practice what they had learned during the sensitivity sessions. The company believes that this post training practice is what took the behavior of its engineering staff to unprecedented levels of politeness. Bendovus has also stated that this training will become a standard part of its on-boarding process for new-hire engineers.

Bendovus Energy corporate logo

Dr. Gertrude Williams from BSE lead the sensitivity training sessions studied the staff before and after the training and compared notes to see the marked improvement in how engineers treated other staff. Listed below is a subset of Dr. William’s notes.

Billy Gatsow, Geological Engineer Level I

  • Before: “Hey Susan, your hair looks different today… did you wash it or something?”
  • After: “Good morning, Susan, your hair doesn’t look nearly as bad as it typically does. Great work!”

Jennifer Blousya, Evaluations Engineer

  • Before: “Hello Jamal, you’re looking rather black today.”
  • After: “Wow, Jamal, did you just get your teeth whitened?!”

Hussein Al Mahoud, Facilities Engineering Manager

  • Before: “Bwahahaha… you didn’t just say that did you, Stan? Hey everybody, get a load of this… hehehe, Stan thinks we don’t need to frack our picodarcy Duvernay shale. How did this idiot slip past HR?”
  • After: “Your idea is great, Stanley, for people who really like horrible ideas that really suck!”

Jamal Hendrix, Production Engineer Level II

  • Before: “Did you say something? Wait… do you have an engineering degree? What’s that? No… no, you don’t. Oh, okay. So I’m supposed to listen to what you have to say when all you are is a lowly tech who doesn’t know a nipple from a stuffing box you @$$*^! little *(%? of #$=/@”
  • After: “Do not try and talk over me, little one, I am an engineer, NOW HEAR ME ROAR!

Mrs. Muffberger continues, “You can see that they are not perfect, but they are a whole lot better than before and that’s really about all we can ask of engineers.”

The company plans to bring in BSE for quarterly touch-up sessions in 2019 and re-evaluate the program for 2020.

 

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