Top 10 Failed Inventions by Out-of-Work Albertans

0
260

Many Albertans continue to struggle with unemployment thanks to gross negligence on behalf of federal and provincial governments who do everything they can to prevent the oil and gas industry from doing what it does best – to generated billions of dollars in revenue and support hard-working people across our great country* while getting oil and gas to people and industries who need it, all while producing it in the most environmentally responsible manner possible.

But realizing that the oil and gas isn’t going anywhere any time soon, a number of Albertans and Alberta-based companies have attempted to make use of the products in novel ways. Unfortunately, however, these ideas don’t always work. Here is the top 10 list of failed ideas invented by out-of-work Albertans.

10

Use it on salads. That’s right, a Stettler-based man attempted to use derivatives of crude oil to bring a new meaning to oil and vinegar salad dressings.

9

Design a new species of fish that swims in crude oil and tailings ponds, and then attract fisherfolk for tourism. This idea was actually conceived by the fine folks at Tourism Alberta.

8

Increase the size of the new bitumen pucks and then use them to build houses in the NE part of Calgary. Houses are designed for non-smokers.

7

Put it all back into the ground and go Amish.

6

Use natural gas to carbonate a really weird type of microbrewed beer.

5

Have a massive oil fight.

4

Spread it out evenly across the entire province of Alberta so that our province absorbs more solar heat so that we no longer need to shovel snow over the winter months.

3

Use natural gas to fill balloons for kids’ birthday parties in Quebec.

2

Create Canada’s largest asphalt skate and BMX park.

and 1

Burn it in place and send smoke signals to China for help!

So there you have it. The ideas actually seem good on the surface, but once you dig a little deeper you can see why they have failed. Let us know (below or on Facebook) if you have any of your own ideas about what Albertans can do with the massive surpluses of oil and gas that ain’t going anywhere anytime soon.

*Not valid in Quebec.

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here