OTTAWA, Ontario – An Alberta judge has certified a class action lawsuit filed against the Federal Government of Canada and the provincial governments of Alberta, British Columbia, and Quebec to the tune of $787,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000.42.
The lawsuit, which was launched just yesterday, was filed with the Federal Court of Canadiana, the Court of Queen’s Dilbit in Alberta, the British Columbia Hempire High Court, and the Court de Tabarnak Avec Câlice du Quebecois.
The suit was filed by UCP leader and Premier-elect of Alberta, Jason Kenney, on behalf of unemployed and underemployed Albertans who say that their income, income earning potential, and quality of life have been significantly impacted due to the poor decisions made by the named governments around natural resource development in Canada.
According to documents released by Sue Yoo, the lead attorney on the case from the law offices of Twang Yo Wang LLP, the suit specifically names Justin Trudeau, Rachel Notley, John Horgan, and François Legault in the class action.
“These 4 gentlemen will have some explaining to do. Their combined efforts have brought the oil and gas industry in western Canada to its knees, and the good, hard-working folks in Alberta have had enough. ” Mrs. Yoo told 2P News.
The class action alleges that these governments have been colluding all along to create a perfect storm to bring down the Canadian oil and gas industry. It claims that the governments and individuals named in the suit are being paid off by well-backed US-based environmental lobby groups who have a mandate to put a halt to Canadian oil and gas production. The idea is that the US will then be able to export more of its own products and thereby create more wealth, a portion of which is funneled back to the lobby groups as kickbacks.
The Alberta Premier-elect is adamant on seeing this case settle for the amount claimed, if not more, and has injected more steam into it since winning last night’s election.
“There’s a new sheriff in town, and he’s in the business of kicking some orange skelator ass! Why 787 vigintoctillion and 42 cents? Well, the group of albertanites supporting this effort and I want to prove a point – a portion is 1-to-1 for lost wages and opportunity costs and the balance is for punitive damages.” – Jason Kenney
Calgary-based intermediate producer, OnTheBrink Resources, claims it lost more than $378 million in funds flow since 2014 and blames the lack of pipeline capacity and increased business taxes instituted by the governments. “We do the best we can, but we’ve been fighting an uphill battle against regulatory and environmental bodies, and policy makers who’d have a hard time making a ham sandwich. We’re now fighting for some restitution, and I think we have a good chance of getting some of this lost earning opportunity back!” says the company’s President and CEO Rick McTusakeegan.
A legal expert with the Canadian Association of Oil and Gas Producing Companies, and adviser to the class action, had the following to say. “This is a precedent setting class action suit when it comes to the amount of money sought in damages. It is very commonplace to see suits in the millions, and even billions nowadays, but I’ve never seen a vigintoctillion – that’s 78 orders of magnitude higher than ever seen before. And I gotta tell you, if they even get half of what they’re looking for they’ll be in good shape.”
The suit also names environmental organizations including the Pembina Cardium Institute, Little Warriors for the Big Environment, Green Pieces, and PETAflop. And Jason Kenney has these granola-eatin, man-bun wearin’, unicycle ridin’, eco-terrorists square in his sights.
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