2P News supports Climate Change Friday through various initiatives

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Climate is changing, people. Global warming is here and we are to blame, not the sun!

It is with great pleasure that 2P News senior management announces that it supports climate change by participating in Climate Change Friday, today, on September 27th, 2019 through a number of home-grown initiatives. A few of them are described below.

  • Co-founder Dr. Darcy Flowman formed a one-man strike march as he walked from his lifted Hummer H1 to his downtown office. “It was 6:40am and very dark when I embarked on my 15 minute march. I screamed at the top of my lungs to the few passersby to join me on my mission to save the planet, but it turns out that nobody wanted to join me. Perhaps they were all fear-mongering government officials, eco-terrorists on the extreme left, or corrupt scientists supported by anti-oil lobby groups,” Darcy told 2P News as he sat down on his turned over milk crate and pulled up to his desk fashioned out of an old potting table.
  • 2P News changed the background on its website to an image that is primarily black, in an effort to have the monitors consume less power, which in-turn leads to reduced coal-powered electricity consumption.
  • Co-founder Antoine McGuilicuddy is feverishly working to hand-craft a statue of 16 year-old climate change activist, Greta Thunberg, to place in the 2P News front lobby. The statue is being made exclusively of arbitrarily shaped chunks of coal held together by bitumen.
  • 2P News field correspondent Rodecker Smith has decided to strike today and not show up at work because he is afraid that global warming is responsible for compromising the cooling performance of the beer fridge in his garage. “Okay, it’s one thing to have the earth warm up, but my Moosepeace beer? We gotta keep that $*#@ cold, people! My fridge has been working overtime because we drive too many cars and keep too many lights on. So today, I will stay home in the dark and do my part to support.
  • 2P News has also decided to sponsor 50 Canadian kids from across the country to spend 6 months in China to see what smog really is. Upon their return, we expect them to take their climate change activism to levels that make Thunberg look like a child.
  • We will stop working for the next 2 weeks in a show of support for the environment. “We will stand tall, shoulder-to-shoulder in solidarity with our fellow climate change advocates, by refusing to work. Much like a hunger strike, but a work strike!”

What actions are you taking to support climate change?

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