Today we are doing something a little differently, let’s call it our little Black Friday special (Darcy Flowman in the background, “A black what? Watchu talkin’ bout?! You talking ’bout me? I’m black and special? WTF y’all? That sh*t ain’t right!”
We are proud to introduce 2P Quizzes! This is the first of many-to-come quizzes that test your knowledge of the oil and gas industry, politics, the environment, cricondentherm hydrocarbon dew points, stochastic time-depth conversions, and the other cool things we write about here at 2P News.
Today’s quiz is all about managers, it is called “Manager or Not a Manager.”
Please note: In the interest of environmental-friendliness, we shortened the title above to “Man or Not a Man”. You say, “Wut?!?!”, and we say, “We saved about 1.9×10^19 electrons by shortening that title we’ll have you know!”
Each question in this quiz is not a question, but rather a description of an activity that is commonplace in the oil and gas industry. All you have to do is guess whether the activity is what you’d see a manager or a non-manager do.
That’s it. Have fun, and please share the quiz on your social networks!
#1 This person takes five, 60-minute coffee breaks a day
Yeah, we agree that this one could have gone either way. But we made the quiz so that makes us right. BOOM!
#2 This person removes pants once behind his or her desk
Are you kidding us? Only managers are confident enough to remove their pants behind their desk. They don’t even mind if people see them taking care of bidness.
#3 This person removes pants once behind your desk
As creepy as this is, a 2018 survey conducted by the Petroleum Human Resource Association indicates that managers are also very comfortable removing their pants while they stand behind you. At least 3 managers based out of Calgary have been fired for trying to push their point in these situations.
#4 Takes credit for as much work as they can that was executed by others
#5 Requires more than 3 monitors and an ergonomic chair, footrest, keyboard, and mouse
Sorry, you’re wrong. Non-managers can get work done on a tiny laptop while sitting on a milk crate working at a desk fashioned from cardboard boxes.
#6 Hums or whistles the ‘Leave it to Beaver’ theme song while working
Non-managers are typically not old enough to even know what a Leave it to Beaver even is.
#7 Always has 2 life-sized cardboard versions of him or herself for emergencies
Oh come on! This activity has manager written all over it. Who else has an ego big enough to want to have a life-sized cardboard copy of him or herself?
#8 Stashes bottles of craft liquor in a secret desk drawer for emergencies
This was a close one, and you were almost right. Although you are very likely to find booze stashed away in the desks of pretty much everybody who is lucky enough to have a job in the oil and gas industry in Western Canada, it is still the managers that take the cake. Notice the word ‘craft‘ in the question? Managers are the only ones who can afford the good stuff.
#9 Enters the bathroom with business section of newspaper under arm and spends no fewer than 45 minutes taking care of business
Seriously? You honestly thought that a non-manager would partake in this sort of wasteful activity? We suspect that you must be a manager, and you’re probably sitting on the crappy as you read this. Please wash your hands while you’re holding your phone. Thanks.
#10 Business card has his or her “Clash or Clans” and “Magic the Gathering” ID numbers on it
You probably guessed the IT Manager, didn’t you? A 2018 survey showed that 78% of Magic regulars have engineering backgrounds.