EDMONTON, Alberta – Facing a stubborn multi-billion-dollar deficit, the Government of Alberta unveiled a bold fiscal recovery plan Tuesday: developing a deeper emotional connection to oil.
The strategy, titled Hydrocarbon With Feelings: Budgeting From the Heart, was introduced as officials confirmed this year’s shortfall was “numerically real but spiritually misaligned.”
“Previous budgets relied too heavily on math,” said Alberta’s Minister of Energy, Bryan Bean, standing before a PowerPoint slide that simply read VIBES (2026). “Next year’s budget will be much stronger now that we and oil are communicating more openly.”
According to Treasury Board documents, the deficit was caused in part by “oil feeling unheard during key pricing windows.” The new framework proposes that if the province validates crude’s lived experience, benchmark prices will respond accordingly.
Western Canadian Select crude has been internally rebranded as “Western Canadian Introspective.”
From Boom-and-Bust to Feel-and-Trust
Officials stressed that the old “boom and bust” cycle created unhealthy attachment patterns.“We were chasing highs,” admitted one senior advisor. “Now, if prices spike, we pause. We journal. We ask the barrel what it needs.”
To ensure next year’s budget improves, the province has committed to:
- Hosting quarterly listening circles with midstream infrastructure
- Monthly barrel affirmation meetings in legislature
- Reclassifying royalty volatility as “constructive emotional feedback”
- Introducing daily affirmations before market open (“I am worthy of $95 Brent”)
- Senior government officials mandated to have “soul healing” baths in crude once a quarter
A pilot project will allow select wells to take “reflection days” when global prices dip, preventing what officials described as “resentment-based production.”
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Calgary Industry Steps Into Its Truth
Energy leaders in Calgary quickly endorsed the strategy, noting that a healthier relationship with hydrocarbons could unlock “authentic cash flow.”
Several CEOs updated earnings call language to include phrases like “trauma-informed capital discipline” and “barrel-forward vulnerability.” One executive described next year’s guidance as “less of a forecast, more of an intention.”
Downtown office vacancies are now being reframed as “space being held for future prosperity.”
Balanced Budget, But Make It Intimate
When pressed on whether the structural reliance on royalties would materially change, officials nodded confidently.
“No,” they said. “But our tone will.”
The upcoming budget will reportedly assume oil prices that are “optimistic yet emotionally grounded.” Treasury officials insist that by nurturing the province’s bond with its primary export, markets will sense the shift.
“You can’t rush healing,” the spokesperson concluded, as a pumpjack completed a slow, affirming nod behind the podium. “But you can absolutely forecast it.”
At press time, crude prices fluctuated thoughtfully, and the deficit was described as “on a journey.”
