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- Ground search for missing Calgary engineer called off after about 9 minutes
- Shocking video shows man driving a BMW use its turn signals near downtown Calgary
- Canada to declare military war against the US amid trade disputes
- Trudeau hires Vancouver-based firm to redesign Trans Mountain expansion
- Leaked: Kinder Morgan announces plan to mediate trade battle
- Tertiary Oil Recovery Process Patented
- Inuit to Farm-Raise Sperm Whales
- Surplus Aircraft to be used in Tar Sand Mining
- War Declared after Japecks/Mitsooey Sneak Attack on TexxonMogul
- Popeye Revealed as New Owner of Oyl Company
- 2P News Staffers Yu Mii and Cynthia Redbush in Catfight!
- The Ballad of Calgary Joe
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- Marvel to Publish OilMan Comic Book
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- Oil Company “Dirty Tricks” Uncovered!
- Bob Hope and Bing Crosby to Make ‘Road to Calgary’ Movie
- Revolutionary Petroleum Refining Technology Touted
- IT Scandal at TexxonMogul!
- Public Health Service SWAT Team Raids Bigass Oil Co. Men’s Room
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- Liechtenstein Bans Fracking; World Barely Notices
- California Demands Oil & Gas Tax Payment in Gold
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- Fred Flintstone Named President of ComicalPhilistine
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- Alberta Premier Proposes “Rounder Act of 2015”
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- 2P News Introduces Career Recruitment Service
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- Dear Andy: How can my company survive at sub $50 oil?
- Interview with King Fuhd of Sowdy Arabica
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- Mayor Nenshi creates municipal Oil and Gas royalty
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- Calgary police asking for public’s help finding drunken Stampede party-goers
- Calgary area man boycotts 2015 Calgary Stampede
- Calgary city council votes on urban resource development
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- HAPPY CANADA DAY
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- Eagleford Shale Hoax Unearthed
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- University of Texas Announces Remedial Language Class for Non-Texans
- New CCE powered vehicles unveiled at AutoMania in London
- Obama to Run for President of Canada
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- Oil company charged for imprudent operations along Trans-Canada HWY
- Heffner’s “High Energy” magazine set to hit stands December 1st
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- 2P News to introduce subscription fee in 2040
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- An Interview with Sir William Shortspeare
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- AAPG, CSPG and SPE to Merge
- Central Alberta prison offers Geological training to inmates
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- Ogle Earth Expands into New Market
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- Engineer discovers Coca Cola neutralizes soil contamination
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- Student makes air pollution smell nicer, problem solved
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- Frick and Frack trademark holder to sue pretty much everybody
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- Moosepeace Beer Announces Drilling Mud Subsidiary
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- 2 men charged after failed attempts to access Stampede grounds
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- Dear Andy: Ultimate cures for a Stampede hangover
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- Happy 147th Birthday Canada
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- Engineer responsible for multiple injuries in Texas
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- Secret tattoo found on Stephen Harper’s scalp, opposition looking for answers
- Calgary’s Bow Tower head sculpture targeted by bladder vandals
- Corporate joint-venture aims to drill Canada’s longest wells
- LuLuLemon to unveil new oilfield work gear
- Lunar Drilling Program launched by Richard Branson
- Geologist survives a Moose attack in NE British Columbia
- Geologist opens Calgary’s first Pub Truck
- Obama planning to charge duty on US oil under Canadian soil
- Top 10 new technologies unveiled at the Global Petroleum Show
- Houston area man drills well in backyard, charges laid
- Alberta government mandates new warning labels on fracking vehicles
- Midnight Oil Runners – Movie Reivew
- Mooncor launches petroleum irrigation project
- Nenshi solves downtown Calgary’s traffic problems
- QTG Engineering proposes The Skyline, an aerial pipeline to move crude
- Writedown Resources to release weak Q2 results after strong Q1 results sink share price
- New fracking technology safe for everyone
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- Alison Redford teams up with Ed Stelmach to form Hasbeen Resources
- Geothermal efficiency increases to 3000% thanks to fracking
- Bannik Gold set to introduce SAGD-WTF technology
- Experimental seismic drones shot down over Midland, TX
- Gasoline prices expected to hit $2.50 on May Long Weekend
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- 2P News co-founders reject $1.15B offer from Bendovus Energy
- King challenges engineer to a duel over rights to drill
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- CNG vehicles so quiet drivers fall asleep at the wheel
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- Calgary City Council to re-freeze streets to take advantage of excess road gravel
- Crater Energy achieves 97% recovery through new compaction drive mechanism
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- Dwellers of The Deep: Movie Review
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- Second Hand Energy hits 35,000 bopd from new recovery efforts
- Keystone Pipeline cancelled after massive water main break in China
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- 5 things everybody should know about engineers
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- Bendovus Energy’s CEO tells God to end Winter
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- Monday Feb. 10th Oilympic Update: the Bit Curl and Truck Skiing
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- Engineer develops new app to revolutionize office-to-field communications
- Dear Annie, I’m surrounded by idiots at work, what can I do?
- SloPump Completion Ltd. introduces SmallBall™ technology
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- New circular experience program gives middle managers a wider perspective
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- BallSmack Oil Services announces 44% Platinum dividend
- Holt Renfrew launches exclusive boutique, SWAG
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- Two women arrested in connection with an assault on the ‘The Passersby Club’
- Study: 91.3% of Calgary head-office oil and gas staff abuse recreational drugs
- Northern Grainway concept gains traction
- Operator’s production mysteriously dropped over the holiday season
- Anti-fracking protesters charged in New Brunswick
- Robotic operators introduced at Japanese Oil Expo, not what you think
- Frac fluid discovered to cure STIs
- New oil and gas reality show set to air on NBC
- Enviro groups lobby for subsurface well reclamation requirements
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- Canada Goose parkas make way for the Northern Beaver
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- Santa Claus divests North Pole, acquires region’s oil and gas rights
- OilLee: Movie Review
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- Take the 2P News 2013 Year in Review quiz
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- Company proposes heating HWY 63 to Ft. McMurray
- SkyDream Resources to target gas in Chinese mountains
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- Downtown Calgary buildings to be retrofitted to avoid falling ice
- Technical sales manager eats only meeting leftovers at work
- Geological Tech disappointed to find somebody in his safe haven Bat Cave
- Company granted license to drill oil well in downtown Calgary
- Redford considers new royalty of a flat 100%
- Production tech goes for coffee on the way back from going for coffee
- GeoPhone App used to record the seismology of love-making
- Engineer rearranges contents of dishwasher to optimize dirty dish density
- Engineers. Love ’em or hate ’em, you likely gotta deal with ’em.
- Scientists invent a process to convert formation water into light oil
Recent News
Oil and Gas Industry on Edge as AER Approves Plans to Introduce AI to...
The provincial energy regulator cites, "safety, efficiency, and fewer sick days."
Union weighs in as field operators fear potential job losses
AER promises to make the transition as smooth as possible
Edmonton, AB — In a groundbreaking move that industry insiders are calling “hilariously inevitable,” the Alberta Energy Regulator (AER) announced today that starting January 2026, all field operations in the province must be performed by AI-powered robots controlled via prompts, effectively replacing all human field operators with a...
Proposed Federal Election Reform Bound to Change the Landscape of Canadian Politics
A change to Federal Elections in Canada might be on the horizon if a new proposal gains traction. And if proven successful, the new process is sure to make its way down to both provincial and municipal election-process levels.
An Edmonton-based federal policy consulting firm, Think Box Strategies, has devised a novel election process to help optimize the federal election process and streamline results. Four new options or procedures have been suggested to help Canadians get a better bang for...
Suck Off Oilfield Services Revolutionizes Industry with New ‘Ball Sucker 2000™’ Technology
Leduc’s latest innovation aims to suck harder, faster, and more efficiently than anyone else in the patch.
Leduc, Alberta – In a bold leap forward for the oil and gas sector, Suck Off Oilfield Services, a proudly Albertan company with a not-so-subtle name and an even less subtle mission, has unveiled its newest piece of proprietary technology: the Ball Sucker 2000™.
Designed to tackle a surprisingly common and awkward issue in hydraulic fracturing—when completion balls are dropped in the wrong order...
Canadian Oil Giants Plan Record-Breaking Retaliatory Well in Response to Trump’s Tariffs
CALGARY, AB – In a bold and unprecedented response to U.S. President Donald J. Trump’s sweeping tariffs levied on Canadian goods yesterday, a coalition of oil and gas companies has announced plans to drill what they are calling a “special retaliatory well” spanning the majority of Alberta and Saskatchewan.
The consortium, spearheaded by Calgary-based Bendovus Energy, includes Whitecrap Resources, PeopleMINUS Corporation, BARC Resources, Morning Wood Energy, and Coatex Energy Services. The industry leaders claim the well is not only an act...
Movie Reviews
Recent News
A New Detail on Federal Environment Minister’s Green Energy Corridor Plan Revealed
OTTAWA, Ontario: Federal Environment Minister, Steven Guilbeault, has proclaimed he is not in favour of more oil and gas infrastructure across Canada, but rather a green energy corridor to...
Calgary-area Landman Accidentally Solves Quantum Gravity Over Ribeye and Red Wine
Disassociated Press. Three-minute read, unless you are a geologist then you're looking at about 2 hours with help, and 3 hours without it.
Calgary, AB — In what physicists world-wide...
Canadian Hutterites Pledge to Save Canada’s Food Supply from Trump’s Tariffs
Request $200 Billion, Unlimited Diesel, and a Herd of Guard Moose
Ottawa, ON — As President Donald J. Trump prepares to slap a 25% tariff on everything coming out of...
Ottawa leans on Alberta to bolster southern border in case of military invasion from the U.S.
OTTAWA—In a stunning response to recent rhetoric from U.S. President-elect Donald Trump, who hinted at “stronger measures that might involve the military” against Canada for its reluctance to become...
Dragline Logistics Announces Nationwide 100% Electric Freight System
EDMONTON, Alberta - In a bold move that could either revolutionize transportation or set us all back to the 1800s (minus the charm), an Edmonton-based startup has unveiled its...
Canada Post to team up with oil and gas industry to get back into the black
OTTAWA, Ontario - In a last ditch attempt to transform its financial woes into black (gold), Canada Post has unveiled a plan to ship bitumen through its regular postal...
Canada Strives for Pure Crap
CALGARY, Alberta – The overweening problem with crap is that it’s full of crap. This has been the case throughout history. When someone says, “This idea is pure crap,”...
Bannik Gold set to introduce SAGD-WTF technology
SUDBURY, Ontario - Every now and again a technology from one industry finds its way into a different industry with great success. Case in point: Toronto-based Bannik Gold Corp....
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Geologist Discovers What “The Gostak Distims the Doshes” Means
BREA, California - In 1923 C. K. Ogden and I. A. Richards wrote a book called The Meaning of Meaning. In it was a story about a man who travels to a distant, unfamiliar place and repeatedly hears the inhabitants use the phrase “the...
How a public car insurance lawsuit by a Regina geologist is hitting home in Saskatchewan
SASKATOON, Saskatchewan - A Regina-based petroleum geologist has filed a lawsuit against Saskatchewan Government Insurance (SGI), citing an insurance claim to which they deemed no-fault. The problem for the provincial public insurer is that Randall Carlslane, P.Geo., has studied the accident scene, and clearly there...
Weekend party could cost Calgary-area geologist and friends more than $240,000
CALGARY, Alberta - A weekend party could cost a Calgary-area geologist and roughly 150 of her friends more than $240,000 after police laid charges against the group under the Reopening Alberta Act.
All was relatively quiet in Calgary's East Village Monday, but that was certainly...
Magnetic Monopoles Uncover Hidden Geologic Structures
EAST MAGNETIC POLE, Poland – Every middle school science class includes experiments with bar magnets. No matter how many times a bar magnet is cut in two, each fragment still has a north and a south pole, called a dipole. Until now, a magnetic...
Norse Gods form Midgard Geophysical Services
THULE, Greenland - The Norse god Thor announced today that he and a group of other Asgardians have incorporated a new geophysical services company, Midgard Geophysical Services, Inc. (MGS). Its principle activity will be performing terrestrial seismic surveys in difficult terrain and extreme climates. Marine...
Ore Bodies Located with Bovinity Rays
EDMONTON, Alberta – A new methodology for locating subterranean ore bodies is taking Alberta mining districts by storm. Development of the method began with the observation that in certain circumstances a herd of cattle will align themselves in parallel formations. As the cattle move...
Scientists mathematically prove that geologists are absolute idiots
GENEVA, Switzerland - Scientists at the Fribourg University of Cardinal Knowledge have just proven that geologists (and all other geo"scientists") are complete idiots. This finding confirms, mathematically, what many people have believed for decades. The study was undertaken by the university's Department of Behavioural...
Reservoir engineer creates ‘Neg Pay’ map
HOUSTON, Texas (June 2012) - Johan Fabroni, an enigmatic junior reservoir engineer at Houston-based Drypool Resources, inadvertently stumbled across a potential new type of resource play while fooling around with geology as his geoscience team was away on a field trip. Johan had been...
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Calgary Weather
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2P News Staff
Most Commented
Houston area man drills well in backyard, charges laid
HOUSTON, Texas - A Sugar Land, TX man and his neighbour are in police custody after the duo drilled an unauthorized gas well in the backyard of one of...
Geologist assaulted for teasing MWD staff
CALGARY, Alberta - A senior wellsite geologist has been hospitalized after a violent incident on a drilling rig in northern Alberta last night.
Ricky Rockerson was violently beaten to within...
Legendary geologist, Rocky Mindsporge, invents new crayons
CALGARY, Alberta - Superstar geology legend Rocky Mindsporge, renowned for his ability to correlate the patterns required in CandyCrush and Tetris to oil and gas plays, has designed a new...
Crustal drilling project results in Volcano near Didsbury
RED DEER, Alberta - Central Alberta was thrust into chaos this morning when a deep test well may have instigated the first active volcano in Alberta's history. Deep Thrust...
Andy’s Mail Bag: Part 2
Dear Andy,
Times are tough in the oil business and I’m still employed but I really need a raise. How can I ask the boss for one in today's circumstances?
Broke in Edmonton
Dear Broke,
If you’re a geologist, find some oil. If you’re an engineer, build something that doesn’t explode. If you’re...
New target for anti-fracking hysterics created
RIYADH, Saudi Arabia - The World Organization of Petroleum Societies (WOOPS) today announced a new pro-active campaign to counter the anti-fracking hysteria now spreading throughout the world. At a...
Scientists invent a process to convert formation water into light oil
CALGARY, Alberta - In a remarkable scientific breakthrough, 2 scientists from the research labs at PetroGlobal Scientific Inc. have created and patented a process...
GeoPhone App used to record the seismology of love-making
CALGARY, Alberta - Junior geophysicist and sexual deviant, Dustin "boom boom" Weaver, has remarkably been able to find rather strong correlations between various sexual...
Geologist finds a strong best fit through an amorphous cloud on poro-perm plot
CALGARY, Alberta - There is no question that geology is a subjective science that is open to interpretation. But every now and again, a...
No pipelines, no trains, just Ass
HARDISTY, Alberta - Pipelines leak. Got it. Trains derail. Got it. So what is the answer to the oil transportation woes of our continent? ...
Legendary geologist, Rocky Mindsporge, invents new crayons
CALGARY, Alberta - Superstar geology legend Rocky Mindsporge, renowned for his ability to correlate the patterns required in CandyCrush and Tetris to oil and...
HR department develops online survey to assess effectiveness of online surveys
CALGARY, Alberta - The Human Resources department of an intermediate oil and gas producer headquartered in downtown Calgary recently developed and conducted an internal...
Former oil company executive relegated to greeter
CALGARY, Alberta -The ever growing price differential for bitumen continues to squeeze the netbacks for oilsand producers in Northern Alberta, and Bendovus Energy is...
Reservoir engineer creates ‘Neg Pay’ map
HOUSTON, Texas (June 2012) - Johan Fabroni, an enigmatic junior reservoir engineer at Houston-based Drypool Resources, inadvertently stumbled across a potential new type of...
Aliens vs. Geophysicists – Vibratory Revenge: Movie Review
The Bottom Line
This geophyical, sci-fi revenge fantasy thriller fails to deliver on all fronts.
Director-Screenwriter
Francis Birch
Cast
Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Michelle Pfeiffer, and Reese Witherspoon
Two white-collar...
Anne Hydrite and Ray Tracing – A love story
Anne Hydrite first laid eyes on Ray Tracing at an oil and gas convention in Weyburn, Saskatchewan on a stormy night in the fall...
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Back in the Day
Engineers. Love ’em or hate ’em, you likely gotta deal with ’em.
Engineers. If you live in Calgary, there is a good chance you are an engineer, you are married to an engineer, you work with an engineer, you know an engineer, you’ve spotted an engineer, you’ve heard of an engineer, or you’ve thought about murdering an engineer in cold blood...
Engineer rearranges contents of dishwasher to optimize dirty dish density
CALGARY, Alberta - After seeing his visiting mother-in-law load the dishwasher following a rather large Sunday afternoon family dinner, Anton McKnight, a Petrophysical Engineer with a Calgary-based consulting firm, took it upon himself to rearrange the contents of the dishwasher right beneath his MIL's nose.
So get this, she had...
Production tech goes for coffee on the way back from going for coffee
CALGARY, Alberta - On his way back from a 45 minute morning coffee run with 3 of his production engineering colleagues at Subterra Resources (using his favourite coffee cups), Peter Chekovski bumped into his regular coffee pals, who encouraged him to go for coffee again.
Well, I typically don't go...
