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- Canada to declare military war against the US amid trade disputes
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- Inuit to Farm-Raise Sperm Whales
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- Keystoned Pipeline approved amid controversy
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- Oil price headed to $200 per barrel as lunchmeat crisis hits southern Arkansas
- New style of oilsands mine employs 5000 Little People, Hollywood cancels 7 films
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- Darcy Awards celebrate the worst and the worser of the Oil and Gas industry
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- HR department develops online survey to assess effectiveness of online surveys
- Legendary geologist, Rocky Mindsporge, invents new crayons
- Consultant proposes digging holes on well leases to bury dirt
- No pipelines, no trains, just Ass
- Mayor Nenshi considers a new downtown courier system for safer, faster deliveries
- Proved Plus Probable reader submits own article
- Drilling rig incident attracts a ‘Mouse’ful of attention
- Oil company misinterprets road sign, bulldozes swingset and builds oil lease
- VP promoted to Senior VP of VPs and reports to Executive VP
- Geologist finds a strong best fit through an amorphous cloud on poro-perm plot
- Man continues to enter PC password despite typo
- Landman expenses non-work-related lunch
- <strong>Versus 1:</strong> Production Engineer vs. Reservoir Engineer
- Oil and gas producing companies need more IT/IS, HR, and accounting staff
- Area woman falls asleep while being enlightened by engineer
- Wellsite geologist drills a dual-leg horizontal well in 100% non-reservoir
- Engineer estimates reserves to 7 decimal place precision
- Company’s stock jumps after Production Engineer fixes rod break
- Woman’s sophisticated order at Starbucks upsets local area man
- Downtown Calgary buildings to be retrofitted to avoid falling ice
- Technical sales manager eats only meeting leftovers at work
- Geological Tech disappointed to find somebody in his safe haven Bat Cave
- Company granted license to drill oil well in downtown Calgary
- Redford considers new royalty of a flat 100%
- Production tech goes for coffee on the way back from going for coffee
- GeoPhone App used to record the seismology of love-making
- Engineer rearranges contents of dishwasher to optimize dirty dish density
- Engineers. Love ’em or hate ’em, you likely gotta deal with ’em.
- Scientists invent a process to convert formation water into light oil
Top Story
Recent News
Alberta program promises to deliver emissions reduction pathway for committed environmentalists after they die
CALGARY — In what officials describe as a “post-mortem emissions-reduction pathway for committed environmentalists,” the Calgary Center for Creative Cremation (CCCC) confirmed Monday that it will begin offering Alberta’s first activist-focused cement integration service in Q2 2026, in partnership with Alberta Aggregates.
The program is explicitly designed for environmental activists who wish to continue reducing emissions after death, by having their cremated remains incorporated into engineered cement blends used for well abandonment and environmental remediation projects across the province.
“For many...
Calgary City Council Announces New Public Transit Programs for Q1 2026
CALGARY, Alberta - Calgary city council has announced a number of new public transit programs to be implemented early in 2026. These programs aim to improve transit user experience and reduce costs, with a goal to increase ridership within the city's network of light-rail transit trains.
“There were dozens of ideas put forward at our internal strategy round table. Of those we have selected the 10 best proposals we felt could be implemented without years of construction or consultations. The...
Engineers Ditch Corporate Life, Launch Calgary’s First Mobile Oil & Gas Consulting Food Truck
CALGARY, AB — Proving once again that the oilpatch remains the beating heart of questionable innovation, two Calgary engineers have quit their corporate jobs to launch Frack n' Snack Engineering Solutions™, the city’s first mobile oil & gas consulting company operated entirely out of a repurposed 1998 GMC food truck that promises "fast, fresh, on-the-go technical expertise, while you wait."
The founders, Cindy “Sidetrack” McKinnon, a drilling & completions engineer, and Felipe “P10” Morales, a reservoir engineer, say they’re “disrupting...
EXCLUSIVE: ATA President Announces Plan to Hire Unemployed Oilfield Workers to Help Teachers Navigate...
By Cynthia Redbush | 2P News – Education, Petroleum, and Paper Cuts Division
EDMONTON, AB - Following their government-forced return to classrooms, Alberta teachers are adapting to new realities with an unprecedented plan: enlisting unemployed engineers and geologists from the oil patch to “help manage educational turbulence” in the classroom.
2P News’ senior education correspondent Cynthia Redbush sat down with ATA President Jayson Billing, who explained the union’s strategy while nervously constructing a stress pyramid out of chalk, coffee stir sticks, and...
More Recent News
Top Ten Things Alberta Teachers Plan to Do If They’re Legislated Back to Work
EDMONTON, Alberta - As contract talks between the Alberta Teachers’ Association and the province hit the “we’ll-legislate-you-back” stage of negotiations, educators across the province are already preparing their battle...
The Quantum Mechanics of Excel Clipboard’s 4.20 Picosecond Lifespan
GENEVA, Switzerland - In a groundbreaking study published this week in the Journal of Computational Nonsense, researchers at the Federal University of Klingnau's department of Spreadsheet Physics have finally...
Dear Andy: I’m a 27 year old petroleum geologist looking to switch careers. What should I do?
Dear Andy,
"I’m a 27-year-old petroleum geologist and I want out. The oilfield has drained me dry—literally. Every well I’ve touched in the last 3 years has been dustier than...
Online Retail Giant Expands Into Canadian Oil & Gas, Offers Free Drilling With $29 Purchase
Calgary, Alberta — In a move that has left economists scratching their heads and oil patch veterans choking on their soy-based flat whites, Chinese e-commerce giant TEMU has announced...
PoleStar Training Ltd. Launches Oilfield Safety Ticket Training School, Industry Enrollments Explode
Fort McMurray, AB – In what industry insiders are calling “the most innovative safety training initiative since flame-retardant coveralls,” a group of exotic dancers has founded PoleStar Training Ltd.,...
Groundbreaking Study Reveals why 97.3% of Conversations with Engineers Result in this Outcome
CALGARY, Alberta – Scientists at the International Institute for Unnecessarily Complicated Research (IIUCR) have cracked one of humanity’s longest-standing mysteries: why almost everyone yawns within minutes of talking to...
Calgary police asking for public’s help finding drunken Stampede party-goers
Police are searching for a group of men believed to have been heavily intoxicated and disguised as cowboys.
Witnesses tell police that the men were acting obnoxious and...
Bendovus Energy ordered to pay 2P News’ co-founders US$4.3 billion after losing lawsuit
CALGARY, Alberta - On December 29th, 2021, Alberta's highest court found 3 senior executives at Bendovus Energy guilty of 187 counts of slander and 56 counts libel against Calgary-based...
Calgary-based geologist patents GeoThermals™
CALGARY, Alberta - Kristoph Iverson, graduated in 2001 with a geology degree, got a job at Encana, as most of his class did. Eventually he was repeatedly unemployed, divorced, lost his home, and ended up doing small mapping projects for food scraps behind Boston...
Toyota creates Prius Geologist Edition, can’t keep them in stock
TOYOTA CITY, Japan - The Toyota Motor Corporation announced today that it has released a special Prius Geologist Edition to the North American market, and dealers from coast-to-coast-to-coast are complaining that they cannot keep them in stock. That's thanks in large part to the...
Area geologist undertakes huge mapping project
ROCKY MOUNTAIN HOUSE, Alberta - Airplane hangars. They are not typically associated with oil and gas other than they are sometimes strategically placed near remote oilfields and work camps for shuttling employees and contractors. But an exploration company building 4 of its own within...
5 Things everyone should know about geologists (Part II)
<This article was originally published sometime in 2014, but after making some changes to it (based on feedback from some angry readers), it is being re-published today. Enjoy.>
EVERYWHERE, Known Universe – The word geologist is derived from the modern Latin geologia, from Greek gē ‘earth’ + -logia, meaning the study...
Oil and gas companies to reduce geology staffing costs in 2020 with new “Drill Here” button
CALGARY, Alberta – The oil and gas industry’s technological innovation over the last 150 years is truly astonishing, which his why its lackadaisical adoption of artificial intelligence is so jaw-droppingly surprising.
Geophysicists have figured out how to vibrate the earth’s crust and use seismic imaging...
Magnetic Monopoles Uncover Hidden Geologic Structures
EAST MAGNETIC POLE, Poland – Every middle school science class includes experiments with bar magnets. No matter how many times a bar magnet is cut in two, each fragment still has a north and a south pole, called a dipole. Until now, a magnetic...
Saskatoon-based FizzBang H20 shakes up the energy industry
RED DEER, Alberta – In a shocking twist that has left the Canadian energy sector fizzing with excitement, Regina-based beverage titan FizzBang H2O announced today that it has acquired a majority share in DeepThrust Energy's flagship carbon capture and storage (CCS) project in Saskatchewan....
The Association of Canadian Exploration Geoscientists scales down 2019 Technical Conference
CALGARY, Alberta - The Association of Canadian Exploration Geoscientists (ACEG) has formally announced that it will scale down its spring 2019 Technical Convention and Expo scheduled for March 5th, 2018 in order to streamline costs. This year's event will be held in the more...
Calgary Weather
Calgary
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2P News Staff
Most Commented
Houston area man drills well in backyard, charges laid
HOUSTON, Texas - A Sugar Land, TX man and his neighbour are in police custody after the duo drilled an unauthorized gas well in the backyard of one of...
Geologist assaulted for teasing MWD staff
CALGARY, Alberta - A senior wellsite geologist has been hospitalized after a violent incident on a drilling rig in northern Alberta last night.
Ricky Rockerson was violently beaten to within...
Crustal drilling project results in Volcano near Didsbury
RED DEER, Alberta - Central Alberta was thrust into chaos this morning when a deep test well may have instigated the first active volcano in Alberta's history. Deep Thrust...
Study: Global warming linked to Sun
CALGARY, Alberta - A recent study conducted by a group of scientists assembled and funded by a consortium of major oil and gas producers has concluded that climate change...
Dear Andy: How can my company survive at sub $50 oil?
Dear Andy:
"My name is Pablo. I'm the President of a privately held junior oil and gas operator based out of Houston, Texas and I gotta tell ya, these low oil prices are killing us. I've tried everything under the sun to reduce costs, including hiring 'cost reduction consultants,' but we're still bleeding cash left, right,...
Railroad Tank Cars to be Fitted with Training Wheels
SMALL TOWN, Montana - Burpington Southern Manta Re Railroad (BSMRR) announced today that it is taking a major step to improve the safety of tank cars transporting crude oil...
Scientists invent a process to convert formation water into light oil
CALGARY, Alberta - In a remarkable scientific breakthrough, 2 scientists from the research labs at PetroGlobal Scientific Inc. have created and patented a process...
GeoPhone App used to record the seismology of love-making
CALGARY, Alberta - Junior geophysicist and sexual deviant, Dustin "boom boom" Weaver, has remarkably been able to find rather strong correlations between various sexual...
Geologist finds a strong best fit through an amorphous cloud on poro-perm plot
CALGARY, Alberta - There is no question that geology is a subjective science that is open to interpretation. But every now and again, a...
No pipelines, no trains, just Ass
HARDISTY, Alberta - Pipelines leak. Got it. Trains derail. Got it. So what is the answer to the oil transportation woes of our continent? ...
Legendary geologist, Rocky Mindsporge, invents new crayons
CALGARY, Alberta - Superstar geology legend Rocky Mindsporge, renowned for his ability to correlate the patterns required in CandyCrush and Tetris to oil and...
HR department develops online survey to assess effectiveness of online surveys
CALGARY, Alberta - The Human Resources department of an intermediate oil and gas producer headquartered in downtown Calgary recently developed and conducted an internal...
Former oil company executive relegated to greeter
CALGARY, Alberta -The ever growing price differential for bitumen continues to squeeze the netbacks for oilsand producers in Northern Alberta, and Bendovus Energy is...
Reservoir engineer creates ‘Neg Pay’ map
HOUSTON, Texas (June 2012) - Johan Fabroni, an enigmatic junior reservoir engineer at Houston-based Drypool Resources, inadvertently stumbled across a potential new type of...
Aliens vs. Geophysicists – Vibratory Revenge: Movie Review
The Bottom Line
This geophyical, sci-fi revenge fantasy thriller fails to deliver on all fronts.
Director-Screenwriter
Francis Birch
Cast
Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Michelle Pfeiffer, and Reese Witherspoon
Two white-collar...
Anne Hydrite and Ray Tracing – A love story
Anne Hydrite first laid eyes on Ray Tracing at an oil and gas convention in Weyburn, Saskatchewan on a stormy night in the fall...
Back in the Day
Engineers. Love ’em or hate ’em, you likely gotta deal with ’em.
Engineers. If you live in Calgary, there is a good chance you are an engineer, you are married to an engineer, you work with an engineer, you know an engineer, you’ve spotted an engineer, you’ve heard of an engineer, or you’ve thought about murdering an engineer in cold blood...
Engineer rearranges contents of dishwasher to optimize dirty dish density
CALGARY, Alberta - After seeing his visiting mother-in-law load the dishwasher following a rather large Sunday afternoon family dinner, Anton McKnight, a Petrophysical Engineer with a Calgary-based consulting firm, took it upon himself to rearrange the contents of the dishwasher right beneath his MIL's nose.
So get this, she had...
Production tech goes for coffee on the way back from going for coffee
CALGARY, Alberta - On his way back from a 45 minute morning coffee run with 3 of his production engineering colleagues at Subterra Resources (using his favourite coffee cups), Peter Chekovski bumped into his regular coffee pals, who encouraged him to go for coffee again.
Well, I typically don't go...
