Recent News
Dragline Logistics Announces Nationwide 100% Electric Freight System
EDMONTON, Alberta - In a bold move that could either revolutionize transportation or set us all back to the 1800s (minus the charm), an Edmonton-based startup has unveiled its magnum opus: the dragline freight system. Think of a nationwide network using a system similar to and adaptable to current railways that is 100% electric, uses cables and not batteries or electrified rails.
The first thought that comes to mind for may are above ground power cabling like an urban light-rail...
Canada Post to team up with oil and gas industry to get back into...
OTTAWA, Ontario - In a last ditch attempt to transform its financial woes into black (gold), Canada Post has unveiled a plan to ship bitumen through its regular postal service. Yes, you read that correctly - soon, your grandma's birthday card might be rubbing elbows with solid petroleum cubes en route to bitumen processing facilities across the nation. The national postal service claims that this initiative will not only boost the crown corporation's bottom-line profitability, but also eliminate the...
Justin Trudeau Threatens 75% Tariff on U.S. Imports Unless Americans Stop Exporting “Cultural Trash”...
Ottawa, Canada – Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau held an emergency press conference today to announce an unprecedented ultimatum to the United States: either improve the quality of the goods and people being sent north of the border or face a whopping 75% tariff on all exports to Canada.
“We’ve had it, eh,” Trudeau began, uncharacteristically wearing a plaid shirt and sipping a Tim Hortons coffee for dramatic effect. “For years, we’ve tolerated low-quality imports from the U.S., from weak...
5 things everybody should know about engineers, Part II
Back in February, 2014, 2P News published an article called 5 things everybody should know about engineers, which appeared to really strike a chord with readers because it was a resounding success with over 11 visitors reading it. It is over ten years later, and we are now presenting to you part II, which will take us from points six through ten. Please enjoy and share this piece. Thank you.
Six
In every romantic relationship, engineers always bring a spreadsheet. No,...
Movie Reviews
Recent News
Alberta Premier Smith finds loophole in pending U.S. tariffs on oil exports
Edmonton, AB – November 8, 2024 - In what many are calling a historic "innovation" in international trade, Alberta Premier Danielle Smith has discovered a creative workaround to dodge...
2P News Stock Surges on Laugh Production Boom, Hiring Frenzy Expected
Laughs-per-share up 145%, chortles and knee-slappers at all-time high
Sombrero-tipping value over debt adjusted laugh flow up 71% year-over-year
Top brass look to capitalize on unexpected comedy resurgence...
OmniCore Energy’s BeamStream™ technology to revolutionize oil and gas upstream, midstream, retail, and emissions sectors
HOUSTON, TX — In an eagerly anticipated press conference this morning, Houston-based OmniTech Energy Services unveiled what it calls BeamSteam™, a technology straight out of Star Trek that promises...
Geologist Stirs Controversy with Revolutionary “Under-Superposition” Stratigraphy Theory
CALGARY, Alberta - In a stunning twist to the field of geology, Dr. Hamilton Flipova, the chief geoscientist at the lesser-known Rock Bottom Institute located in Edmonton, Alberta, has...
Top 12 Oil and Gas Rumours Abound for 2025
CALGARY, Alberta - As 2025 nears, Western Canada’s oil and gas sector is buzzing with wild rumours. From “eco-friendly fracking” using tofu-based lubricants to Alberta towns converting Timbits into...
Next Millenia Energy looking to wow investors with long-range development plans
CALGARY, Alberta - Saskatoon-based Next Millenia Energy Inc. (TSX: NME) has recently acquired surface rights in 87 townships in the WCSB, planning a very unique oil and gas play....
OPEC & Obama launch civil suits against Canada
OTTAWA, Ontario - Canada has been named in a civil lawsuit put forth by both the Obama administration and OPEC. The lawsuit names the Alberta oilsands as a direct...
Cascadia Twin XXL Pipeline approved! Western oil will move eastward.
A loophole in Bill C69 identified by a consortium of Calgary-based companies allows for a new pipeline to be approved to eastern Canada.
EDMONTON, Alberta - This morning, despite the...
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5 Things everyone should know about geologists (Part II)
<This article was originally published sometime in 2014, but after making some changes to it (based on feedback from some angry readers), it is being re-published today. Enjoy.>
EVERYWHERE, Known Universe – The word geologist is derived from the modern Latin geologia, from Greek gē ‘earth’ + -logia, meaning the study...
UN Bans Geoscientists from All Social Media Platforms Internationally
North America, Earth - With recent developments and controversies surrounding the truth, science, and political opinion, large swaths of ideas and knowledge are being purged from social media platforms worldwide. The latest such eradication comes as all geoscientists on the planet have been removed...
Weekend party could cost Calgary-area geologist and friends more than $240,000
CALGARY, Alberta - A weekend party could cost a Calgary-area geologist and roughly 150 of her friends more than $240,000 after police laid charges against the group under the Reopening Alberta Act.
All was relatively quiet in Calgary's East Village Monday, but that was certainly...
Geologist finds a strong best fit through an amorphous cloud on poro-perm plot
CALGARY, Alberta - There is no question that geology is a subjective science that is open to interpretation. But every now and again, a geology professional takes liberties with this interpretation that can end up being very costly. This article reports a case to that...
Toyota creates Prius Geologist Edition, can’t keep them in stock
TOYOTA CITY, Japan - The Toyota Motor Corporation announced today that it has released a special Prius Geologist Edition to the North American market, and dealers from coast-to-coast-to-coast are complaining that they cannot keep them in stock. That's thanks in large part to the...
Unemployed Petroleum Professionals Technical Conference coming to Calgary this summer!
CALGARY, Alberta - The Canadian Society of Unemployed Petroleum Professionals (CSUPP) is hosting its inaugural Technical Conference & Exhibition this summer. The society, whose membership has steadily grown by upwards of 1,247 per cent per year since early 2015, believes that this is an...
Geophysicist develops 6th sense for discovering PNG deposits
ESTEVAN, Saskatchewan - Back in the early history of the PNG industry, oil was literally found by stumbling upon seeps of oil that made its way to the surface of the earth - drill there. Easy. More recently, seismic technology, along with the geophysical...
Laptop Computer Modified for Geologists
LOS ANGELES, California - Silicon Magic Inc. (SMI) of Palo Mino, California announced a line of specialty laptop computers designed especially for earth scientists. It is the first of what may become a series of computers modified for the needs of specific professions. Mr....
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2P News Staff
Most Commented
Houston area man drills well in backyard, charges laid
HOUSTON, Texas - A Sugar Land, TX man and his neighbour are in police custody after the duo drilled an unauthorized gas well in the backyard of one of...
Legendary geologist, Rocky Mindsporge, invents new crayons
CALGARY, Alberta - Superstar geology legend Rocky Mindsporge, renowned for his ability to correlate the patterns required in CandyCrush and Tetris to oil and gas plays, has designed a new...
Crustal drilling project results in Volcano near Didsbury
RED DEER, Alberta - Central Alberta was thrust into chaos this morning when a deep test well may have instigated the first active volcano in Alberta's history. Deep Thrust...
Study: Global warming linked to Sun
CALGARY, Alberta - A recent study conducted by a group of scientists assembled and funded by a consortium of major oil and gas producers has concluded that climate change...
Dear Andy: How About Some Advice for ######?
Caution: Some readers might find this article disturbing and offensive. We have taken steps to redact the questionable content so as to not upset anybody.
CALGARY, Alberta – Turnabout is fair play. Cynthia Redbush and Yu Mii have been on our cases to bring more gender balance to 2P News. ...
Open-pit oil and gas mining coming to Alberta by 2025 Q1
OTTAWA, Ontario – The Canadian oil and gas industry is notorious for its complex and costly techniques, requiring a PhD to understand and an even bigger wallet to execute....
Scientists invent a process to convert formation water into light oil
CALGARY, Alberta - In a remarkable scientific breakthrough, 2 scientists from the research labs at...
GeoPhone App used to record the seismology of love-making
CALGARY, Alberta - Junior geophysicist and sexual deviant, Dustin "boom boom" Weaver, has remarkably been...
Geologist finds a strong best fit through an amorphous cloud on poro-perm plot
CALGARY, Alberta - There is no question that geology is a subjective science that is...
No pipelines, no trains, just Ass
HARDISTY, Alberta - Pipelines leak. Got it. Trains derail. Got it. So what is the...
Legendary geologist, Rocky Mindsporge, invents new crayons
CALGARY, Alberta - Superstar geology legend Rocky Mindsporge, renowned for his ability to correlate the...
HR department develops online survey to assess effectiveness of online surveys
CALGARY, Alberta - The Human Resources department of an intermediate oil and gas producer headquartered...
Former oil company executive relegated to greeter
CALGARY, Alberta -The ever growing price differential for bitumen continues to squeeze the netbacks for...
Reservoir engineer creates ‘Neg Pay’ map
HOUSTON, Texas (June 2012) - Johan Fabroni, an enigmatic junior reservoir engineer at Houston-based Drypool...
Aliens vs. Geophysicists – Vibratory Revenge: Movie Review
The Bottom Line
This geophyical, sci-fi revenge fantasy thriller fails to deliver on all fronts.
Director-Screenwriter
Francis Birch
Cast
Brad...
Anne Hydrite and Ray Tracing – A love story
Anne Hydrite first laid eyes on Ray Tracing at an oil and gas convention in...
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Back in the Day
Engineers. Love ’em or hate ’em, you likely gotta deal with ’em.
Engineers. If you live in Calgary, there is a good chance you are an engineer, you are married to an engineer, you work with an engineer, you know an engineer, you’ve spotted an engineer, you’ve heard of an engineer, or you’ve thought about murdering an engineer in cold blood...
Engineer rearranges contents of dishwasher to optimize dirty dish density
CALGARY, Alberta - After seeing his visiting mother-in-law load the dishwasher following a rather large Sunday afternoon family dinner, Anton McKnight, a Petrophysical Engineer with a Calgary-based consulting firm, took it upon himself to rearrange the contents of the dishwasher right beneath his MIL's nose.
So get this, she had...
Production tech goes for coffee on the way back from going for coffee
CALGARY, Alberta - On his way back from a 45 minute morning coffee run with 3 of his production engineering colleagues at Subterra Resources (using his favourite coffee cups), Peter Chekovski bumped into his regular coffee pals, who encouraged him to go for coffee again.
Well, I typically don't go...
