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Wednesday, December 8, 2021

Recent News

Andy’s Mail Bag: Part 2

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  Dear Andy, Times are tough in the oil business and I’m still employed but I really need a raise.  How can I ask the boss...

Technical/Operations

Botched surgery leaves Alison Redford well, the same

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EDMONTON, Alberta - Monday morning did not start as Alison Redford would have liked. Instead of working on her new 100% royalty regime, she...

City of Calgary to twin Peace Bridge with half of $52M...

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CALGARY, Alberta - The City of Calgary announced yesterday that it will spend roughly half of the $52M budget surplus on twinning the Peace...

Government

Lifestyle

Geology/Geophysics

Geologists can perform basic arithmetic, study says: ‘We engineers are not the only sophisticated...

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The peanut-shaped brain of a geologist is roughly the size of 2 or 3 medium sized chicken wings. It contains fewer than 1 thousand...

Legendary geologist, Rocky Mindsporge, invents new crayons

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CALGARY, Alberta - Superstar geology legend Rocky Mindsporge, renowned for his ability to correlate the patterns required in CandyCrush and Tetris to oil and...

Canadian Space Agency sending geologists to Mars and the Moon to study space rocks

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VANCOUVER, British Columbia - Early on the morning of September 30th, 2018, the sky near Cape Couveral, BC, will light up as the United Alliance...

MIT engineering prodigy takes geology course, world-record IQ drops 81%

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HOUSTON, Texas – Harry Tikklenuts graduated high school at 13, scored perfectly on his SATs, and was admitted to the MIT’s faculty of engineering...

Scientists mathematically prove that geologists are absolute idiots

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GENEVA, Switzerland - Scientists at the Fribourg University of Cardinal Knowledge have just proven that geologists (and all other geo"scientists") are complete idiots. This...

SmartDart™: New Oil & Gas Exploration Tool

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CALGARY, Alberta – A newly formed company, Random Eyes LLC, based in Houston has announced a product that it claims will revolutionize exploration for...

PNG golf tournament delayed when geologist stumbles upon rocks

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CALGARY, Alberta - Play stopped yesterday at the Sphincter Ridge golf course in northeast Calgary.  The Petroleum Exploration & Explanation Association hosts its golf...

Geologist Discovers What “The Gostak Distims the Doshes” Means

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BREA, California - In 1923 C. K. Ogden and I. A. Richards wrote a book called The Meaning of Meaning.  In it was a...

CEO fired after mandating that geologists use Sequence Calligraphy technique

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CALGARY, Alberta - Guggerant Exploration formally announced the termination of Chief Executive Officer Rianni Farnto today at its investor web conference.  The news of...

Problem geologists need help: WOOPS

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EDMONTON, Alberta - In response to the sorry state of affairs in the profession of petroleum geology, the World Organization of Petroleum Societies (WOOPS)...

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Dear Andy

Dear Andy: I suffer from stage fright taking a pee at...

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Dear Andy: My name is Adam. I am Joint Venture Representative at a mid-size operator in Calgary. Ever since I was a teenager, I would get very nervous taking...

Environment

New target for anti-fracking hysterics created

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RIYADH, Saudi Arabia - The World Organization of Petroleum Societies (WOOPS) today announced a new pro-active campaign to counter the anti-fracking hysteria now spreading...

People's Choice Articles

Scientists invent a process to convert formation water into light oil

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CALGARY, Alberta - In a remarkable scientific breakthrough, 2 scientists from the research labs at...

GeoPhone App used to record the seismology of love-making

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CALGARY, Alberta - Junior geophysicist and sexual deviant, Dustin "boom boom" Weaver, has remarkably been...

Geologist finds a strong best fit through an amorphous cloud on poro-perm plot

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CALGARY, Alberta - There is no question that geology is a subjective science that is...

No pipelines, no trains, just Ass

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HARDISTY, Alberta - Pipelines leak.  Got it.  Trains derail.  Got it.  So what is the...

Legendary geologist, Rocky Mindsporge, invents new crayons

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CALGARY, Alberta - Superstar geology legend Rocky Mindsporge, renowned for his ability to correlate the...

HR department develops online survey to assess effectiveness of online surveys

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CALGARY, Alberta - The Human Resources department of an intermediate oil and gas producer headquartered...

Former oil company executive relegated to greeter

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CALGARY, Alberta -The ever growing price differential for bitumen continues to squeeze the netbacks for...

Reservoir engineer creates ‘Neg Pay’ map

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HOUSTON, Texas (June 2012) - Johan Fabroni, an enigmatic junior reservoir engineer at Houston-based Drypool...

Aliens vs. Geophysicists – Vibratory Revenge: Movie Review

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The Bottom Line This geophyical, sci-fi revenge fantasy thriller fails to deliver on all fronts. Director-Screenwriter Francis Birch Cast Brad...

Anne Hydrite and Ray Tracing – A love story

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Anne Hydrite first laid eyes on Ray Tracing at an oil and gas convention in...

Back in the Day

Engineers. Love ’em or hate ’em, you likely gotta deal with...

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Engineers. If you live in Calgary, there is a good chance you are an engineer, you are married to an engineer, you work with...

Engineer rearranges contents of dishwasher to optimize dirty dish density

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CALGARY, Alberta - After seeing his visiting mother-in-law load the dishwasher following a rather large Sunday afternoon family dinner, Anton McKnight, a Petrophysical Engineer...

Production tech goes for coffee on the way back from going...

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CALGARY, Alberta - On his way back from a 45 minute morning coffee run with 3 of his production engineering colleagues at Subterra Resources...

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