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Oil and Gas Industry on Edge as AER Approves Plans to Introduce AI to...

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The provincial energy regulator cites, "safety, efficiency, and fewer sick days." Union weighs in as field operators fear potential job losses AER promises to make the transition as smooth as possible Edmonton, AB — In a groundbreaking move that industry insiders are calling “hilariously inevitable,” the Alberta Energy Regulator (AER) announced today that starting January 2026, all field operations in the province must be performed by AI-powered robots controlled via prompts, effectively replacing all human field operators with a...

Proposed Federal Election Reform Bound to Change the Landscape of Canadian Politics

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A change to Federal Elections in Canada might be on the horizon if a new proposal gains traction. And if proven successful, the new process is sure to make its way down to both provincial and municipal election-process levels. An Edmonton-based federal policy consulting firm, Think Box Strategies, has devised a novel election process to help optimize the federal election process and streamline results. Four new options or procedures have been suggested to help Canadians get a better bang for...

Suck Off Oilfield Services Revolutionizes Industry with New ‘Ball Sucker 2000™’ Technology

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Leduc’s latest innovation aims to suck harder, faster, and more efficiently than anyone else in the patch. Leduc, Alberta – In a bold leap forward for the oil and gas sector, Suck Off Oilfield Services, a proudly Albertan company with a not-so-subtle name and an even less subtle mission, has unveiled its newest piece of proprietary technology: the Ball Sucker 2000™. Designed to tackle a surprisingly common and awkward issue in hydraulic fracturing—when completion balls are dropped in the wrong order...

Canadian Oil Giants Plan Record-Breaking Retaliatory Well in Response to Trump’s Tariffs

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CALGARY, AB – In a bold and unprecedented response to U.S. President Donald J. Trump’s sweeping tariffs levied on Canadian goods yesterday, a coalition of oil and gas companies has announced plans to drill what they are calling a “special retaliatory well” spanning the majority of Alberta and Saskatchewan. The consortium, spearheaded by Calgary-based Bendovus Energy, includes Whitecrap Resources, PeopleMINUS Corporation, BARC Resources, Morning Wood Energy, and Coatex Energy Services. The industry leaders claim the well is not only an act...

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A New Detail on Federal Environment Minister’s Green Energy Corridor Plan Revealed

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OTTAWA, Ontario: Federal Environment Minister, Steven Guilbeault, has proclaimed he is not in favour of more oil and gas infrastructure across Canada, but rather a green energy corridor to...

Calgary-area Landman Accidentally Solves Quantum Gravity Over Ribeye and Red Wine

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Disassociated Press. Three-minute read, unless you are a geologist then you're looking at about 2 hours with help, and 3 hours without it. Calgary, AB — In what physicists world-wide...

Canadian Hutterites Pledge to Save Canada’s Food Supply from Trump’s Tariffs

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Request $200 Billion, Unlimited Diesel, and a Herd of Guard Moose Ottawa, ON — As President Donald J. Trump prepares to slap a 25% tariff on everything coming out of...

Ottawa leans on Alberta to bolster southern border in case of military invasion from the U.S.

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OTTAWA—In a stunning response to recent rhetoric from U.S. President-elect Donald Trump, who hinted at “stronger measures that might involve the military” against Canada for its reluctance to become...

Dragline Logistics Announces Nationwide 100% Electric Freight System

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EDMONTON, Alberta - In a bold move that could either revolutionize transportation or set us all back to the 1800s (minus the charm), an Edmonton-based startup has unveiled its...

Canada Post to team up with oil and gas industry to get back into the black

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OTTAWA, Ontario - In a last ditch attempt to transform its financial woes into black (gold), Canada Post has unveiled a plan to ship bitumen through its regular postal...

Canada Strives for Pure Crap

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CALGARY, Alberta – The overweening problem with crap is that it’s full of crap.  This has been the case throughout history.  When someone says, “This idea is pure crap,”...

Bannik Gold set to introduce SAGD-WTF technology

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SUDBURY, Ontario - Every now and again a technology from one industry finds its way into a different industry with great success. Case in point: Toronto-based Bannik Gold Corp....

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Geologist Discovers What “The Gostak Distims the Doshes” Means

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BREA, California - In 1923 C. K. Ogden and I. A. Richards wrote a book called The Meaning of Meaning.  In it was a story about a man who travels to a distant, unfamiliar place and repeatedly hears the inhabitants use the phrase “the...

How a public car insurance lawsuit by a Regina geologist is hitting home in Saskatchewan

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SASKATOON, Saskatchewan - A Regina-based petroleum geologist has filed a lawsuit against Saskatchewan Government Insurance (SGI), citing an insurance claim to which they deemed no-fault. The problem for the provincial public insurer is that Randall Carlslane, P.Geo., has studied the accident scene, and clearly there...

Weekend party could cost Calgary-area geologist and friends more than $240,000

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CALGARY, Alberta - A weekend party could cost a Calgary-area geologist and roughly 150 of her friends more than $240,000 after police laid charges against the group under the Reopening Alberta Act. All was relatively quiet in Calgary's East Village Monday, but that was certainly...

Magnetic Monopoles Uncover Hidden Geologic Structures

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EAST MAGNETIC POLE, Poland – Every middle school science class includes experiments with bar magnets.  No matter how many times a bar magnet is cut in two, each fragment still has a north and a south pole, called a dipole.  Until now, a magnetic...

Norse Gods form Midgard Geophysical Services

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THULE, Greenland - The Norse god Thor announced today that he and a group of other Asgardians have incorporated a new geophysical services company, Midgard Geophysical Services, Inc. (MGS). Its principle activity will be performing terrestrial seismic surveys in difficult terrain and extreme climates. Marine...

Ore Bodies Located with Bovinity Rays

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EDMONTON, Alberta – A new methodology for locating subterranean ore bodies is taking Alberta mining districts by storm.  Development of the method began with the observation that in certain circumstances a herd of cattle will align themselves in parallel formations.  As the cattle move...

Scientists mathematically prove that geologists are absolute idiots

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GENEVA, Switzerland - Scientists at the Fribourg University of Cardinal Knowledge have just proven that geologists (and all other geo"scientists") are complete idiots. This finding confirms, mathematically, what many people have believed for decades. The study was undertaken by the university's Department of Behavioural...

Reservoir engineer creates ‘Neg Pay’ map

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HOUSTON, Texas (June 2012) - Johan Fabroni, an enigmatic junior reservoir engineer at Houston-based Drypool Resources, inadvertently stumbled across a potential new type of resource play while fooling around with geology as his geoscience team was away on a field trip. Johan had been...

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Most Commented

Houston area man drills well in backyard, charges laid

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HOUSTON, Texas - A Sugar Land, TX man and his neighbour are in police custody after the duo drilled an unauthorized gas well in the backyard of one of...

Geologist assaulted for teasing MWD staff

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CALGARY, Alberta - A senior wellsite geologist has been hospitalized after a violent incident on a drilling rig in northern Alberta last night. Ricky Rockerson was violently beaten to within...

Legendary geologist, Rocky Mindsporge, invents new crayons

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CALGARY, Alberta - Superstar geology legend Rocky Mindsporge, renowned for his ability to correlate the patterns required in CandyCrush and Tetris to oil and gas plays, has designed a new...

Crustal drilling project results in Volcano near Didsbury

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RED DEER, Alberta - Central Alberta was thrust into chaos this morning when a deep test well may have instigated the first active volcano in Alberta's history.  Deep Thrust...

Andy’s Mail Bag: Part 2

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  Dear Andy, Times are tough in the oil business and I’m still employed but I really need a raise.  How can I ask the boss for one in today's circumstances? Broke in Edmonton Dear Broke, If you’re a geologist, find some oil.  If you’re an engineer, build something that doesn’t explode.  If you’re...

New target for anti-fracking hysterics created

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RIYADH, Saudi Arabia - The World Organization of Petroleum Societies (WOOPS) today announced a new pro-active campaign to counter the anti-fracking hysteria now spreading throughout the world.  At a...

Scientists invent a process to convert formation water into light oil

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CALGARY, Alberta - In a remarkable scientific breakthrough, 2 scientists from the research labs at PetroGlobal Scientific Inc. have created and patented a process...

GeoPhone App used to record the seismology of love-making

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CALGARY, Alberta - Junior geophysicist and sexual deviant, Dustin "boom boom" Weaver, has remarkably been able to find rather strong correlations between various sexual...

Geologist finds a strong best fit through an amorphous cloud on poro-perm plot

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CALGARY, Alberta - There is no question that geology is a subjective science that is open to interpretation. But every now and again, a...

No pipelines, no trains, just Ass

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HARDISTY, Alberta - Pipelines leak.  Got it.  Trains derail.  Got it.  So what is the answer to the oil transportation woes of our continent? ...

Legendary geologist, Rocky Mindsporge, invents new crayons

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CALGARY, Alberta - Superstar geology legend Rocky Mindsporge, renowned for his ability to correlate the patterns required in CandyCrush and Tetris to oil and...

HR department develops online survey to assess effectiveness of online surveys

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CALGARY, Alberta - The Human Resources department of an intermediate oil and gas producer headquartered in downtown Calgary recently developed and conducted an internal...

Former oil company executive relegated to greeter

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CALGARY, Alberta -The ever growing price differential for bitumen continues to squeeze the netbacks for oilsand producers in Northern Alberta, and Bendovus Energy is...

Reservoir engineer creates ‘Neg Pay’ map

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HOUSTON, Texas (June 2012) - Johan Fabroni, an enigmatic junior reservoir engineer at Houston-based Drypool Resources, inadvertently stumbled across a potential new type of...

Aliens vs. Geophysicists – Vibratory Revenge: Movie Review

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The Bottom Line This geophyical, sci-fi revenge fantasy thriller fails to deliver on all fronts. Director-Screenwriter Francis Birch Cast Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Michelle Pfeiffer, and Reese Witherspoon Two white-collar...

Anne Hydrite and Ray Tracing – A love story

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Anne Hydrite first laid eyes on Ray Tracing at an oil and gas convention in Weyburn, Saskatchewan on a stormy night in the fall...

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Back in the Day

Engineers. Love ’em or hate ’em, you likely gotta deal with ’em.

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Engineers. If you live in Calgary, there is a good chance you are an engineer, you are married to an engineer, you work with an engineer, you know an engineer, you’ve spotted an engineer, you’ve heard of an engineer, or you’ve thought about murdering an engineer in cold blood...

Engineer rearranges contents of dishwasher to optimize dirty dish density

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CALGARY, Alberta - After seeing his visiting mother-in-law load the dishwasher following a rather large Sunday afternoon family dinner, Anton McKnight, a Petrophysical Engineer with a Calgary-based consulting firm, took it upon himself to rearrange the contents of the dishwasher right beneath his MIL's nose. So get this, she had...

Production tech goes for coffee on the way back from going for coffee

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CALGARY, Alberta - On his way back from a 45 minute morning coffee run with 3 of his production engineering colleagues at Subterra Resources (using his favourite coffee cups), Peter Chekovski bumped into his regular coffee pals, who encouraged him to go for coffee again. Well, I typically don't go...

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