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Alberta creates new Task Force to enforce new COVID-19 restrictions

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New task force has mandate to break up large gatherings by all means necessary Company responsible looking to fill up to 7,000 enforcement...

Technical/Operations

University removes most reservoir engineering equations from courses

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CALGARY, Alberta - University of Calgary's Dean of Petroleum Engineering and Sewage Treatment, Dr. Detritus Dumpster, announced this morning that the Petroleum Engineering faculty...

2P News co-founders reject $1.15B offer from Bendovus Energy

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CALGARY, Alberta - Breaking news from Canada's oil capital sees Bendovus Energy offer US$1.15B for Calgary-based junior oil and gas news publishing outfit 2pnews.com,...

Government

Lifestyle

Geology/Geophysics

Bendovus Energy Introduces Upscale ‘Free Range’ Barrels

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The Disassociated Press - Calgary-based Bendovus Energy has expanded its petroleum portfolio with a more socially-friendly produced free-range version of its existing light and...

Study: Rectilinear contouring eliminates need for geologists

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CALGARY, Alberta - Calgary-based Bendovus Energy recently fired all of its geologists when a task force of engineers undertook an informal study that proved...

Breaking News! New seismic wave discovered

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CLEVELAND, Ohio - A group of scientists at the Earth Motion Laboratory in Shaker Heights, Ohio announced today the discovery of a new type...

Unemployed Petroleum Professionals Technical Conference coming to Calgary this summer!

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CALGARY, Alberta - The Canadian Society of Unemployed Petroleum Professionals (CSUPP) is hosting its inaugural Technical Conference & Exhibition this summer. The society, whose...

Geologists make startling discovery, CBC outraged with denial

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CALGARY, Alberta - There is a universal question that most people ask when they meet a geologist. What can you tell me about dinosaurs?...

Toyota creates Prius Geologist Edition, can’t keep them in stock

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TOYOTA CITY, Japan - The Toyota Motor Corporation announced today that it has released a special Prius Geologist Edition to the North American market,...

CNAWA reveals climate change truths

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Silversmith, Ontario - The Canadian National Association of Wiccans and Astrologists has recently published their in-house newsletter revealing the truth behind climate change and...

University of Eastern Ontario Modernizes Geology and Earth Science Program

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TORONTO, Ontario - This morning the University of Eastern Ontario (Eastern) announced the complete and total overhaul of its Earth Science and Geological curriculum,...

Last Two Palynologists Die, Species Declared Extinct

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TULSA, Oklahoma - Palynology, the study of contemporary and fossil palynomorphs, including pollen, spores, orbicules, dinocysts, acritarchs, chitinozoans and scolecodonts  (whatever the hell all...

Cultural Learnings of Geology for the Glorious Profession of Engineering

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Hello all, In this light-hearted Friday piece, Sir William Shortspeare (who is both an engineer and a geologist), put down on virtual paper some thoughts...

Please watch these videos and share it with everybody you know!

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2P News Staff

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Most Commented

Dear Andy

Dear Andy: I love my job but hate my boss....

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Dear Andy: My name is Douglas Froob.  I have a serious and ongoing problem with my manager at the office.  The guys is a complete...

Environment

New target for anti-fracking hysterics created

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RIYADH, Saudi Arabia - The World Organization of Petroleum Societies (WOOPS) today announced a new pro-active campaign to counter the anti-fracking hysteria now spreading...

People's Choice Articles

Scientists invent a process to convert formation water into light oil

3
CALGARY, Alberta - In a remarkable scientific breakthrough, 2 scientists from the research labs at...

GeoPhone App used to record the seismology of love-making

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CALGARY, Alberta - Junior geophysicist and sexual deviant, Dustin "boom boom" Weaver, has remarkably been...

Geologist finds a strong best fit through an amorphous cloud on poro-perm plot

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CALGARY, Alberta - There is no question that geology is a subjective science that is...

No pipelines, no trains, just Ass

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HARDISTY, Alberta - Pipelines leak.  Got it.  Trains derail.  Got it.  So what is the...

Legendary geologist, Rocky Mindsporge, invents new crayons

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CALGARY, Alberta - Superstar geology legend Rocky Mindsporge, renowned for his ability to correlate the...

HR department develops online survey to assess effectiveness of online surveys

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CALGARY, Alberta - The Human Resources department of an intermediate oil and gas producer headquartered...

Former oil company executive relegated to greeter

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CALGARY, Alberta -The ever growing price differential for bitumen continues to squeeze the netbacks for...

Reservoir engineer creates ‘Neg Pay’ map

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HOUSTON, Texas (June 2012) - Johan Fabroni, an enigmatic junior reservoir engineer at Houston-based Drypool...

Aliens vs. Geophysicists – Vibratory Revenge: Movie Review

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The Bottom Line This geophyical, sci-fi revenge fantasy thriller fails to deliver on all fronts. Director-Screenwriter Francis Birch Cast Brad...

Anne Hydrite and Ray Tracing – A love story

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Anne Hydrite first laid eyes on Ray Tracing at an oil and gas convention in...

Back in the Day

Engineers. Love ’em or hate ’em, you likely gotta deal with...

2
Engineers. If you live in Calgary, there is a good chance you are an engineer, you are married to an engineer, you work with...

Engineer rearranges contents of dishwasher to optimize dirty dish density

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CALGARY, Alberta - After seeing his visiting mother-in-law load the dishwasher following a rather large Sunday afternoon family dinner, Anton McKnight, a Petrophysical Engineer...

Production tech goes for coffee on the way back from going...

1
CALGARY, Alberta - On his way back from a 45 minute morning coffee run with 3 of his production engineering colleagues at Subterra Resources...

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