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- Canada to declare military war against the US amid trade disputes
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- Inuit to Farm-Raise Sperm Whales
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- Writedown Resources to release weak Q2 results after strong Q1 results sink share price
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- New style of oilsands mine employs 5000 Little People, Hollywood cancels 7 films
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- Legendary geologist, Rocky Mindsporge, invents new crayons
- Consultant proposes digging holes on well leases to bury dirt
- No pipelines, no trains, just Ass
- Mayor Nenshi considers a new downtown courier system for safer, faster deliveries
- Proved Plus Probable reader submits own article
- Drilling rig incident attracts a ‘Mouse’ful of attention
- Oil company misinterprets road sign, bulldozes swingset and builds oil lease
- VP promoted to Senior VP of VPs and reports to Executive VP
- Geologist finds a strong best fit through an amorphous cloud on poro-perm plot
- Man continues to enter PC password despite typo
- Landman expenses non-work-related lunch
- <strong>Versus 1:</strong> Production Engineer vs. Reservoir Engineer
- Oil and gas producing companies need more IT/IS, HR, and accounting staff
- Area woman falls asleep while being enlightened by engineer
- Wellsite geologist drills a dual-leg horizontal well in 100% non-reservoir
- Engineer estimates reserves to 7 decimal place precision
- Company’s stock jumps after Production Engineer fixes rod break
- Woman’s sophisticated order at Starbucks upsets local area man
- Downtown Calgary buildings to be retrofitted to avoid falling ice
- Technical sales manager eats only meeting leftovers at work
- Geological Tech disappointed to find somebody in his safe haven Bat Cave
- Company granted license to drill oil well in downtown Calgary
- Redford considers new royalty of a flat 100%
- Production tech goes for coffee on the way back from going for coffee
- GeoPhone App used to record the seismology of love-making
- Engineer rearranges contents of dishwasher to optimize dirty dish density
- Engineers. Love ’em or hate ’em, you likely gotta deal with ’em.
- Scientists invent a process to convert formation water into light oil
Top Story
Recent News
Calgary City Council Announces New Public Transit Programs for Q1 2026
CALGARY, Alberta - Calgary city council has announced a number of new public transit programs to be implemented early in 2026. These programs aim to improve transit user experience and reduce costs, with a goal to increase ridership within the city's network of light-rail transit trains.
“There were dozens of ideas put forward at our internal strategy round table. Of those we have selected the 10 best proposals we felt could be implemented without years of construction or consultations. The...
Engineers Ditch Corporate Life, Launch Calgary’s First Mobile Oil & Gas Consulting Food Truck
CALGARY, AB — Proving once again that the oilpatch remains the beating heart of questionable innovation, two Calgary engineers have quit their corporate jobs to launch Frack n' Snack Engineering Solutions™, the city’s first mobile oil & gas consulting company operated entirely out of a repurposed 1998 GMC food truck that promises "fast, fresh, on-the-go technical expertise, while you wait."
The founders, Cindy “Sidetrack” McKinnon, a drilling & completions engineer, and Felipe “P10” Morales, a reservoir engineer, say they’re “disrupting...
EXCLUSIVE: ATA President Announces Plan to Hire Unemployed Oilfield Workers to Help Teachers Navigate...
By Cynthia Redbush | 2P News – Education, Petroleum, and Paper Cuts Division
EDMONTON, AB - Following their government-forced return to classrooms, Alberta teachers are adapting to new realities with an unprecedented plan: enlisting unemployed engineers and geologists from the oil patch to “help manage educational turbulence” in the classroom.
2P News’ senior education correspondent Cynthia Redbush sat down with ATA President Jayson Billing, who explained the union’s strategy while nervously constructing a stress pyramid out of chalk, coffee stir sticks, and...
Top Ten Things Alberta Teachers Plan to Do If They’re Legislated Back to Work
EDMONTON, Alberta - As contract talks between the Alberta Teachers’ Association and the province hit the “we’ll-legislate-you-back” stage of negotiations, educators across the province are already preparing their battle plans.
If Premier Danielle Smith's provincial government forces them back into classrooms, teachers say they’ll comply, but only in the most educationally passive-aggressive ways possible.
Here are the Top Ten Things Alberta Teachers Plan to Do Once They’re Legislated Back to Work.
10. The Return of the TV/VCR Cart
You thought they were gone....
More Recent News
The Quantum Mechanics of Excel Clipboard’s 4.20 Picosecond Lifespan
GENEVA, Switzerland - In a groundbreaking study published this week in the Journal of Computational Nonsense, researchers at the Federal University of Klingnau's department of Spreadsheet Physics have finally...
Calgary-Area Geologists Launch Class-Action Lawsuit over Bryan Adam’s “Rock Show”
Over 1,700 Calgary-area geologists join the Class Action suit
The group cites advertising the event as a "rock show" was grossly misleading
Lawyers seeking punitive compensation for wasted...
Dear Andy: I’m a 27 year old petroleum geologist looking to switch careers. What should I do?
Dear Andy,
"I’m a 27-year-old petroleum geologist and I want out. The oilfield has drained me dry—literally. Every well I’ve touched in the last 3 years has been dustier than...
Online Retail Giant Expands Into Canadian Oil & Gas, Offers Free Drilling With $29 Purchase
Calgary, Alberta — In a move that has left economists scratching their heads and oil patch veterans choking on their soy-based flat whites, Chinese e-commerce giant TEMU has announced...
PoleStar Training Ltd. Launches Oilfield Safety Ticket Training School, Industry Enrollments Explode
Fort McMurray, AB – In what industry insiders are calling “the most innovative safety training initiative since flame-retardant coveralls,” a group of exotic dancers has founded PoleStar Training Ltd.,...
Groundbreaking Study Reveals why 97.3% of Conversations with Engineers Result in this Outcome
CALGARY, Alberta – Scientists at the International Institute for Unnecessarily Complicated Research (IIUCR) have cracked one of humanity’s longest-standing mysteries: why almost everyone yawns within minutes of talking to...
Calgary-based oil and gas major has staff cafés shut down by provincial health inspectors
CALGARY, Alberta – Bendovus Energy (TSX: BENDOVER) is well-known for being a world-class integrated oil and gas producer operating within western Canada, but recent developments lead us to believe...
New safety requirements will strain training centers in western Canada
GRANDE PRAIRIE, Alberta- Although safety is a number one priority in the global oil and gas industry, incident rates have been steadily climbing over the past few years. A...
5 Things everyone should know about geologists (Part II)
<This article was originally published sometime in 2014, but after making some changes to it (based on feedback from some angry readers), it is being re-published today. Enjoy.>
EVERYWHERE, Known Universe – The word geologist is derived from the modern Latin geologia, from Greek gē ‘earth’ + -logia, meaning the study...
Geologist finds a strong best fit through an amorphous cloud on poro-perm plot
CALGARY, Alberta - There is no question that geology is a subjective science that is open to interpretation. But every now and again, a geology professional takes liberties with this interpretation that can end up being very costly. This article reports a case to that...
Fairness and Equality at the forefront of new drilling program
CALGARY, Alberta - Twenty Twenty One. Fairness and equality are at the forefront of every media release and public engagement. It has become so intertwined with daily life, it's almost instinct. And following that trend, Calgary-based oil producer Sameness Exploration has begun its 2021...
Geophrenologist Claims Ability to Locate Oil and Gas
LOONEYTUNE, California - The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines phrenology as the study of the conformation of the skull based on the belief that it is indicative of mental faculties and character. That is, the bumps and ridges that can be felt on a person’s skull...
GeoPhone App used to record the seismology of love-making
CALGARY, Alberta - Junior geophysicist and sexual deviant, Dustin "boom boom" Weaver, has remarkably been able to find rather strong correlations between various sexual positions and seismic signatures using little more than an application for his smartphone, his girlfriend, and some software at work.
So I...
Crazy Old Fart Reveals Secrets of Seismic Processing
HOUSTON, Texas - Hazy O’Grady, a semi-retired geophysical consultant, claims that he is one of a handful of people who fully understands seismic processing. In an interview with your obedient servant, Mr. O’Grady, who’s so old he’s a founding member of the Society of...
BREAKING NEWS: Geophysicist Bre-X’d after 3 dry wells
CALGARY, Alberta - Breaking news this Monday morning here in Oil City. A tragic death over the weekend has now been reclassified from an accident to a potential hate-related homicide.
Tom Echoman, a geophysicist with Gravitywerks Resources, fell to his death Sunday evening at the...
CEO fired after mandating that geologists use Sequence Calligraphy technique
CALGARY, Alberta - Guggerant Exploration formally announced the termination of Chief Executive Officer Rianni Farnto today at its investor web conference. The news of the dismissal is conjoined with the company's devastating production numbers for 2013, which all took place during the term that...
Calgary Weather
Calgary
scattered clouds
-19.8
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C
-19.8
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-20
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77 %
4.1kmh
40 %
Sun
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2P News Staff
Most Commented
Houston area man drills well in backyard, charges laid
HOUSTON, Texas - A Sugar Land, TX man and his neighbour are in police custody after the duo drilled an unauthorized gas well in the backyard of one of...
Geologist assaulted for teasing MWD staff
CALGARY, Alberta - A senior wellsite geologist has been hospitalized after a violent incident on a drilling rig in northern Alberta last night.
Ricky Rockerson was violently beaten to within...
Legendary geologist, Rocky Mindsporge, invents new crayons
CALGARY, Alberta - Superstar geology legend Rocky Mindsporge, renowned for his ability to correlate the patterns required in CandyCrush and Tetris to oil and gas plays, has designed a new...
Crustal drilling project results in Volcano near Didsbury
RED DEER, Alberta - Central Alberta was thrust into chaos this morning when a deep test well may have instigated the first active volcano in Alberta's history. Deep Thrust...
Dear Annie, I’m surrounded by idiots at work, what can I do?
Dear Annie:
My name is Candi. I am an engineer working for a design and integrity firm in Calgary. I work with a large number of men and they always do the dumbest things and make the worst mistakes. If I call them on it, I will get harassed and...
Study: Polar Vortex phenomenon caused by Stettler, Alberta wind farms
STETTLER, Alberta - A research group based out of Nome, Alaska has been studying the effects and cause of the recently popular Polar Vortex phenomenon. The study concluded 2...
Scientists invent a process to convert formation water into light oil
CALGARY, Alberta - In a remarkable scientific breakthrough, 2 scientists from the research labs at PetroGlobal Scientific Inc. have created and patented a process...
GeoPhone App used to record the seismology of love-making
CALGARY, Alberta - Junior geophysicist and sexual deviant, Dustin "boom boom" Weaver, has remarkably been able to find rather strong correlations between various sexual...
Geologist finds a strong best fit through an amorphous cloud on poro-perm plot
CALGARY, Alberta - There is no question that geology is a subjective science that is open to interpretation. But every now and again, a...
No pipelines, no trains, just Ass
HARDISTY, Alberta - Pipelines leak. Got it. Trains derail. Got it. So what is the answer to the oil transportation woes of our continent? ...
Legendary geologist, Rocky Mindsporge, invents new crayons
CALGARY, Alberta - Superstar geology legend Rocky Mindsporge, renowned for his ability to correlate the patterns required in CandyCrush and Tetris to oil and...
HR department develops online survey to assess effectiveness of online surveys
CALGARY, Alberta - The Human Resources department of an intermediate oil and gas producer headquartered in downtown Calgary recently developed and conducted an internal...
Former oil company executive relegated to greeter
CALGARY, Alberta -The ever growing price differential for bitumen continues to squeeze the netbacks for oilsand producers in Northern Alberta, and Bendovus Energy is...
Reservoir engineer creates ‘Neg Pay’ map
HOUSTON, Texas (June 2012) - Johan Fabroni, an enigmatic junior reservoir engineer at Houston-based Drypool Resources, inadvertently stumbled across a potential new type of...
Aliens vs. Geophysicists – Vibratory Revenge: Movie Review
The Bottom Line
This geophyical, sci-fi revenge fantasy thriller fails to deliver on all fronts.
Director-Screenwriter
Francis Birch
Cast
Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Michelle Pfeiffer, and Reese Witherspoon
Two white-collar...
Anne Hydrite and Ray Tracing – A love story
Anne Hydrite first laid eyes on Ray Tracing at an oil and gas convention in Weyburn, Saskatchewan on a stormy night in the fall...
Back in the Day
Engineers. Love ’em or hate ’em, you likely gotta deal with ’em.
Engineers. If you live in Calgary, there is a good chance you are an engineer, you are married to an engineer, you work with an engineer, you know an engineer, you’ve spotted an engineer, you’ve heard of an engineer, or you’ve thought about murdering an engineer in cold blood...
Engineer rearranges contents of dishwasher to optimize dirty dish density
CALGARY, Alberta - After seeing his visiting mother-in-law load the dishwasher following a rather large Sunday afternoon family dinner, Anton McKnight, a Petrophysical Engineer with a Calgary-based consulting firm, took it upon himself to rearrange the contents of the dishwasher right beneath his MIL's nose.
So get this, she had...
Production tech goes for coffee on the way back from going for coffee
CALGARY, Alberta - On his way back from a 45 minute morning coffee run with 3 of his production engineering colleagues at Subterra Resources (using his favourite coffee cups), Peter Chekovski bumped into his regular coffee pals, who encouraged him to go for coffee again.
Well, I typically don't go...
