Recent News
Andy’s Mail Bag: Part 2
Dear Andy,
Times are tough in the oil business and I’m still employed but I really need a raise. How can I ask the boss...
Technical/Operations
Botched surgery leaves Alison Redford well, the same
EDMONTON, Alberta - Monday morning did not start as Alison Redford would have liked. Instead of working on her new 100% royalty regime, she...
City of Calgary to twin Peace Bridge with half of $52M...
CALGARY, Alberta - The City of Calgary announced yesterday that it will spend roughly half of the $52M budget surplus on twinning the Peace...
Geology/Geophysics
Geologists can perform basic arithmetic, study says: ‘We engineers are not the only sophisticated...
The peanut-shaped brain of a geologist is roughly the size of 2 or 3 medium sized chicken wings. It contains fewer than 1 thousand...
Legendary geologist, Rocky Mindsporge, invents new crayons
CALGARY, Alberta - Superstar geology legend Rocky Mindsporge, renowned for his ability to correlate the patterns required in CandyCrush and Tetris to oil and...
Canadian Space Agency sending geologists to Mars and the Moon to study space rocks
VANCOUVER, British Columbia - Early on the morning of September 30th, 2018, the sky near Cape Couveral, BC, will light up as the United Alliance...
MIT engineering prodigy takes geology course, world-record IQ drops 81%
HOUSTON, Texas – Harry Tikklenuts graduated high school at 13, scored perfectly on his SATs, and was admitted to the MIT’s faculty of engineering...
Scientists mathematically prove that geologists are absolute idiots
GENEVA, Switzerland - Scientists at the Fribourg University of Cardinal Knowledge have just proven that geologists (and all other geo"scientists") are complete idiots. This...
SmartDart™: New Oil & Gas Exploration Tool
CALGARY, Alberta – A newly formed company, Random Eyes LLC, based in Houston has announced a product that it claims will revolutionize exploration for...
PNG golf tournament delayed when geologist stumbles upon rocks
CALGARY, Alberta - Play stopped yesterday at the Sphincter Ridge golf course in northeast Calgary. The Petroleum Exploration & Explanation Association hosts its golf...
Geologist Discovers What “The Gostak Distims the Doshes” Means
BREA, California - In 1923 C. K. Ogden and I. A. Richards wrote a book called The Meaning of Meaning. In it was a...
CEO fired after mandating that geologists use Sequence Calligraphy technique
CALGARY, Alberta - Guggerant Exploration formally announced the termination of Chief Executive Officer Rianni Farnto today at its investor web conference. The news of...
Problem geologists need help: WOOPS
EDMONTON, Alberta - In response to the sorry state of affairs in the profession of petroleum geology, the World Organization of Petroleum Societies (WOOPS)...
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Calgary Weather
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2P News Staff
Most Commented
Dear Andy
Dear Andy: I suffer from stage fright taking a pee at...
Dear Andy:
My name is Adam. I am Joint Venture Representative at a mid-size operator in Calgary. Ever since I was a teenager, I would get very nervous taking...
Environment
New target for anti-fracking hysterics created
RIYADH, Saudi Arabia - The World Organization of Petroleum Societies (WOOPS) today announced a new pro-active campaign to counter the anti-fracking hysteria now spreading...
People's Choice Articles
Scientists invent a process to convert formation water into light oil
CALGARY, Alberta - In a remarkable scientific breakthrough, 2 scientists from the research labs at...
GeoPhone App used to record the seismology of love-making
CALGARY, Alberta - Junior geophysicist and sexual deviant, Dustin "boom boom" Weaver, has remarkably been...
Geologist finds a strong best fit through an amorphous cloud on poro-perm plot
CALGARY, Alberta - There is no question that geology is a subjective science that is...
No pipelines, no trains, just Ass
HARDISTY, Alberta - Pipelines leak. Got it. Trains derail. Got it. So what is the...
Legendary geologist, Rocky Mindsporge, invents new crayons
CALGARY, Alberta - Superstar geology legend Rocky Mindsporge, renowned for his ability to correlate the...
HR department develops online survey to assess effectiveness of online surveys
CALGARY, Alberta - The Human Resources department of an intermediate oil and gas producer headquartered...
Former oil company executive relegated to greeter
CALGARY, Alberta -The ever growing price differential for bitumen continues to squeeze the netbacks for...
Reservoir engineer creates ‘Neg Pay’ map
HOUSTON, Texas (June 2012) - Johan Fabroni, an enigmatic junior reservoir engineer at Houston-based Drypool...
Aliens vs. Geophysicists – Vibratory Revenge: Movie Review
The Bottom Line
This geophyical, sci-fi revenge fantasy thriller fails to deliver on all fronts.
Director-Screenwriter
Francis Birch
Cast
Brad...
Anne Hydrite and Ray Tracing – A love story
Anne Hydrite first laid eyes on Ray Tracing at an oil and gas convention in...
Back in the Day
Engineers. Love ’em or hate ’em, you likely gotta deal with...
Engineers. If you live in Calgary, there is a good chance you are an engineer, you are married to an engineer, you work with...
Engineer rearranges contents of dishwasher to optimize dirty dish density
CALGARY, Alberta - After seeing his visiting mother-in-law load the dishwasher following a rather large Sunday afternoon family dinner, Anton McKnight, a Petrophysical Engineer...
Production tech goes for coffee on the way back from going...
CALGARY, Alberta - On his way back from a 45 minute morning coffee run with 3 of his production engineering colleagues at Subterra Resources...
