Clarke during the speech
Clark during the speech

VANCOUVER, British Columbia – Christy Clark has come up with yet another way for British Columbia to attempt extortion on the oil and gas industry.  A newly proposed, and hopefully short-lived, safety policy was tabled at a recent policy meeting in Vancouver.

As a rebuttal to the safety standards of the PNG industry, Clark has proposed a safety inspection be completed every 2 days of drilling, and every 7 days at production and refining facilities.  The move will lead to massive slow downs and cost overruns on operations and may serve to start an exodus of industry from BC for economic reasons.

The new policy would utilize out of work BC residents as inspectors, at a cost of $1000 per certificate.  If this wasn’t enough, she has also dictated that the cost of storing of all paper and digital copies of these certificates be passed on to industry.  All certificates must be stored for 15 years.

Staff will also be hired to audit the certificates every 6 months and make sure all the paperwork is in order and that nothing has been missed.  A retroactive penalty clause can be imposed for a period of up to ten years if a safety violation goes unnoticed at an inspection and is not remedied.  A spokesman for Clarke had this to say:

Clarkes spokesperson from the OGC, Francheska Sinnsted
Clark’s spokesperson from the OGC, Francheska Sinnsted

We see a way to create jobs and create dollars in this province.  And since Redford would not pay us any royalty percentages, we will simply impose safety laws to get what we want.  Outrageous?  Not when you look at what Albertans do to us every day.  Make us look lazy, slow, and more slow.

A number of industry representatives who were in the crowd for the announcement were stunned, but also smugly pleased with Clark’s political vendetta against Alberta and its lifeblood industry.

Kephin Hartchkine, PR Director for Wilder and Wilder Exploration

We see this as an opportunity to gain traction in BC by exposing just how stupid she really is.  She is a Grade A moron, and now we have proof.  I think we should get her “safely inspected” every 2 days for brain injuries.  She is a very beautiful woman, but not much in the Think department.  – Kephin Hartchkine, PR Director for Wilder and Wilder Exploration

An outpouring of support from BC’s union base has drowned out the opponents criticism however, and British Columbia’s tabloid fair has gobbled up the potential success of the Clark plan and the estimated $56 billion per year in revenue it will generate.  Calculations have deemed that the cost of drilling a well under these rules with rise by 24%, and the cost of producing a well after that could be as much as 57% greater than existing costs due to forced infrastructure and administration fees.

2P News will keep an eye on this development and hopefully report that Christy Clark is eventually admitted to a psychiatric facility for electroshock therapy.


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