Musk, dryer sheets, and pipelines... need we say more?

Santa Melon, CA – Elon Musk has announced a new startup company, Powerlines.  With this new project, he has designed the world’s first pipeline that will be devoid of fossil fuels, and requires only electricity, with no environmental impact.

The line has been engineered as a solution to conventional pipelines which inevitably leak, spill, contaminate, and otherwise cause problems for politicians.  The Powerlines project will not require fossil fuels to operate, and simply flow recycled bounce sheets charged with static electricity though a 6-inch alloy pipe from location to location.  There is speculation Dyson has been contracted to handle the fans and turbines to enhance flow in the lines.

This green and renewable static charge can be created in a completely Earth-friendly, Greta-approved fashion, as workers in an energy creation facility will spend their days rubbing their heads on the softener sheets while shuffling around on cheap shag carpets laid out on the factory floor.  Design specifications on the first Powerlines generation facility indicate it will employ nearly 120,000 individuals, and pay them the mandated $15 minimum wage to shuffle around like engineers thinking through a complex geology problem.

“You see, we are going to just move a static charge from here to there using old fabric softener sheets.  Those damn things carry a lot of electricity that typically goes to waste.

Alistair Redmon, VP with PowerLines Inc.

We can power entire cities on this energy source.  And while not operational yet, there is a program in development to send those sheets into space when we’ve used them up, as theoretically, they will be attracted to the sun though the cling-force, and be burnt up completely.” – Alistair Redmont, Senior VP Static Discharge Division, Powerlines Inc

At the receiving end, the fabric softener sheets will be collected and defused of their charge by more workers holding cheap synthetic blankets, which can then be smacked against grids of copper fencing to transfer their charge to capacitors.  The final output numbers for power generation are speculative at best, but expected to be in line with Musk’s previous estimation of vehicle production numbers.  If he says there will be 100, expect 5, and of those 5, expect 3, but definitely expect those 3 to work as designed.

Future advances also indicate you could simply jam Bounce sheets out of the pipeline into a receptacle in your Tesla automobile, similar to jamming garbage into a 1985 DeLorean’s Mr. Fusion.  Space-X has also begun to install FSG’s (fabric softener generators) onto prototype spacecraft, as the technology could be a very lightweight way to power interstellar craft beyond Mars.