CALGARY, Alberta – A weekend party could cost a Calgary-area geologist and roughly 150 of her friends more than $240,000 after police laid charges against the group under the Reopening Alberta Act.
All was relatively quiet in Calgary’s East Village Monday, but that was certainly not the case on Saturday when police say they attended a residence on the 800 block and broke up a party with about 150 people, none of whom were seen wearing a face covering. Calgary Major Naheed Nenshers could hardly contain his frustration when he spoke to 2P News virtually on Monday.
“I don’t even know what to say, fellow calgarians. It has become abundantly clear during this pandemic that you can’t fix stupid, but you sure can fine it!”
The Calgary Police Force has charged a 31-year old woman and her roommate for hosting an indoor gathering of more than 10 people. Each faces a minimum fine of $30,000 under new provincial rules. The 2 were also charged with taking part in a gathering over ten, which comes with fines of $1,000. An event that can only be described as a mad scramble ensued when officers descended on the scene.
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“I’ve never seen anything like this in my life. There must have been over 150 people stuffed in that 400 square foot condo. We are currently investigating to see how it was even possible for the residence to accommodate that many people. In the mass exodus of partygoers, we are able to detain and issue tickets to about 80 of them,” commented Sergeant Joffrey Retread of the CPF.
All told, the two accused and their visitors could be facing combined fines of upwards of $240,000.
The two condo owners, who identified themselves as members of the Calgary Geological Human Modelling Society, said often they are associated with parties but that people just don’t understand what we are doing. The two believe that in this case the charges laid were done so in error.
“Just because a lot of people get together, it doesn’t mean that they are having a party. Heavens to Murgatroyd, PEOPLE! We were conducting a series of human-modelled lab experiments whereby the 2 of us and our visitors were trying to model an unconventional reservoir with nano-darcy perm, and that forced us to have to get very, very, very close together. In an effort to be consistent with common stratigraphic models, everybody was positioned horizontally in a series of cross-bedded layers. Once in position, we tested the matrix perm by using a fan on one end to blow weed smoke through the ‘reservoir’ to see which pores were connected and which weren’t. We were surprised to see that Big John got the highest of the bunch seeing as he was 7 layers up from the smoke injection point, and our Kv/Kh was modelled to be 0.01!” – Jessie St. Miller
Bruce “The Spackler” Beddington, who spoke to 2P News’ Rodecker Smith on Sunday, said he floated an air biscuit while in situ, which modelled a hydraulic fracture as reservoir model participants did everything they could to move away from the funk. Fracture perm was then tested with more weed-smoke gas flood.
Police descended on the condo just before the group was going to initiate secondary recover by way of water flood.
Jessie St. Millar and Mildred Hosebarker are scheduled to appear in provincial offences court January 13th, 2021.