WASHINGTON, DC – Tropical storm Trump-Niño is being called the storm of a lifetime for North America as it has been slowing sweeping in from the Atlantic Ocean since November, 2016. Sophisticated computer models predict that Trump-Niño will continue to pickup speed and sit atop the US for at least 1 more year, and possibly as long as another 5.
The slow-moving storm, whose acceleration can be attributed to northerly trade winds from Mexico, is pouring lies and voter remorse from its right side to areas including pretty much all of the North America, and raised the flash hatred risk to a level that could “devastate roadways of morality, endanger bridges of democracy, and knock over forests of ethical integrity along the way,” the Associated Press reported Saturday.
“I cannot overstate it: The floodgates of ultra-conservatism around migration are opening, and if you’re not watching for them you are risking your moral compass,” North Carolina Gov. Roy Cooper
Some areas, reaching as far north as Canada and dipping into Mexico have residents in those countries running for cover asking, “where the heck did this storm come from and how did it gain so much strength?!”
Dr. Rick McDoogle, lead weather scientist at the North American Meteorological Survey (NAMS) out of Denver, Colorado, said Monday that winds and debris from this one-in-a-lifetime storm has the potential to somehow build terrestrially impassable structures along the Mexico US border. “I’ve never seen a storm quite like this, it is the first storm of its kind that can actually be classified as having a Category 4 extreme right-wing political tilt.“
McDoogle’s finite-difference simulation models show that a quick-moving, but extremely misguided Trudlow front slumping down from central Canada is fueling Trump-Niño to create the world’s first El-Stupido climate event. The Trudlow front creates a large number of agitated people in western Canada whose collective anger towards eastern Canada raises the average temperature of North America by 0.00047C, which is just past the threshold to adversely affect weather patterns. Climate scientists based in Canada and the US believe that this angrypogenic climate change pattern has been happening since late 2015.
When questioned by media about Trump-Niño’s origin, President Trump retorted,
“I know nothing about russia covertly hacking into the american weather control satellite station in new mexico to help create this epic storm, all under my secret orders to putin in the kremlin via the KGB.” – President Trump
On January 11th, President Donald Trump approved a disaster declaration for the Republican-held states as a result of Tropical Storm Trump-Niño, meaning that they are eligible for assistance from the Federal Emergency Management Agency, which will somehow be funded by Mexico.
Trump said, “The worst is yet to come as models are now showing that a group of aimless and very destructive Tornotleys from western Canada are predicted to significantly contribute to El-Stupido,” and he continued, “but the silver lining for all Americans is that since Trump-Niño formed, the United States no longer sees the horrendous effects of Hurriclintons and the destructive and very dark Barack-o-quakes.”