A conference. Clearly not an engineer speaking, because he is far too well dressed.

CALGARY, Alberta – The Canadian Society of Unemployed Petroleum Professionals (CSUPP) is hosting its inaugural Technical Conference & Exhibition this summer. The society, whose membership has steadily grown by upwards of 1,247 per cent per year since early 2015, believes that this is an ideal time to bring together its tens of thousands of members to cultivate relationships and share ideas.

Farhas Mayhayter, with CSUPP

“This is an opportunity for our members to network, collaborate, and exhibit their unorthodox products and services, with the goal of exchanging ideas about how to keep busy and stay relevant while unemployed,” says Farhas Mayhayter, P.Eng., CSUPP General Chairperson. “Our inaugural event will comprise a technical conference and a exhibition hall. If you’ve even been to the annual GeoConvention, ATCE, or GPS events, think about our event as one of those, but waaaaaay better,” he continued.

CSUPP 2020 (as the conference is billed) will be held at the BMO building on July 6th through the 9th, right in the heart of when the Calgary Stampede would have been held. Event organizers expect to see former oil and gas professionals from visit from as far west as Kitimat, British Columbia to as far east as Moosomin, Saskatchewan.

Attendance is free if you can prove that you are not working or if you show a CERB pay stub.

Although the organizers have collected thousands of abstracts for the event, they have extended the call for abstracts until 48 hours before the doors open, “just in case we have some last minute stragglers with good ideas.”

Here is a sample of some of the technical talks that have been accepted to date:

  • A New Method for Estimating How Long it Will Take Until the CRA Figures Out That You Shouldn’t Have Ever Received Any CERB Payments, Dr. Joffery Guysner, P.Geo.
  • New-Aged Unconventional Resource Development: Digging Around Your Neighbourhood Looking for Things you can Sell on Kijiji, Hazy Al-B-Sure Khalid, M.Sc., P.Land.
  • A Novel Method to Get Back at Your Former Employer: Haunting Him/Her as the Building’s New Exterior Window Cleaner, Alix Retread, P.Eng.
  • How to Create Your Own Virtual Currency and Bank While Safely Flying Under the Alberta Security Commission’s Radar, Cindy Toxi, P.Geo.

Cindy Toxi spoke to 2P News about presenting her idea at the inaugural event.

Cindy Toxi

“It has always bothered me how the Big 5 Canadian Banks profit billions of dollars every quarter while the oil and gas industry takes a long-term shit kicking. So I figured, hey! Why not just create my own bank. Being a geologist, I like to store my clients’ money and precious metals in little earth-safes that I build into outcrops. Every new client receives a rock hammer. It’s great, and my technical talk will teach attendees how to do this themselves!” – Cindy Toxi, P.Geo.

CSUPP organizers are very excited about the technical sessions, but they fully expect the biggest draw to be Showcase Stage on the exhibition floor. Here you will see former reservoir engineer, Bruce Pishaw, show you how to create voodoo dolls in the likeness of your former boss. Gavin McDough will demonstrate a free app he created called Map to the Bosses which provides detailed directions to the primary homes of all of the oil and gas company senior executives south of Red Deer, Alberta.

A screenshot from the new Map to the Bosses mobile app.

Mr. McDough remarked about his new mobile app, “I built this app for one reason, to promote peace between the laid off and executive management communities. It is to be used ONLY by unemployed oil and gas professionals to pay former employers a visit to say hello or to drop off some fresh flowers.”

 

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