Wings and beer
Wings and beer.

CALGARY, Alberta – Four area PNG professionals, all employed by PetroCreditUnion, were arrested along Stephen Avenue late yesterday afternoon for causing a commotion along the busy pedestrian downtown shopping mall. The 3 men and 1 woman are currently being held at a downtown Calgary jail and face charges related to drunk and disorderly, public intoxication, harassment, causing a disturbance in public, and resisting arrest.

The 2 geologists, 1 engineer, and 1 landman started the lunchtime festivities at the Unicorny Irish Pub on 8th Avenue to celebrate the landman’s 5-year anniversary at PetroCreditUnion. The Unicorny, a dimly lit underground pub that has no windows, a very low ceiling, and a very dark decor, was featuring Wacky Wings Tuesdays, so the group decided to enjoy wings and beer… and enjoy wings and beer they did.

Crystal McKenzie

The last time I saw something like this was when I was serving engineers and geologists who were having a drinking contest, but this was no contest. They just kept ordering the 5-cent wings and our special Dime Drafts.

One of the geologists had devised a series of gestures that enabled him to order beer and wings while I was across the restaurant serving a different table. I continued to serve them because they seemed relatively fine at the time. – Crystal McKenzie, P.Server.

In a sworn affidavit to rookie 2P News reporter Sir Phillip Gacey, the pub’s manager stated that the group lost track of time, and since nobody else was leaving, they just kept drinking and eating. Eventually, the engineer fell out of his chair and the group decided to leave.

The 4 of them realized that they had been sitting for so long that they could barely walk, and once they got outside and saw sunlight, they became completely disoriented, as they shielded their eyes from the sun. It is at this point when the real trouble started.

The Calgary Police Service found the group wandering Stephen avenue, and as it turns out, it was 3 days after they visited the popular lunchtime eatery. The group had missed work and a missing persons bulletin was posted for 2 of them.

Reporter Gacey caught up with one of the individuals at the police station.

Bill Slate, P.Geo., recovering geologist

I have no clue what happened. First we’re eating wings and beer, and then I find myself stumbling down Stephen Avenue 3 days later. Our food must have been laced with something, because things went from 0 to 60 in a hurry. – Big Bill Slate.

Suspecting foul play, the Calgary Police Service attempted to contact the Unicorny’s general manager, but they could not locate the pub. According to 2P News co-founders, the pub is very well hidden by a secret elevator that is activated by those who are brave enough to push its DOWN button.


  1. I know exactly what it feels like to see the sun after a 2-hour liquid lunch in one of those underground pubs along Stephen Avenue. It takes a few minutes for your eyes to adjust and for you to get your bearings. It’s kinda strange.


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