Has AI finally been able to decode what oil and gas professionals really mean when they talk? We think so.

EDMONTON, Alberta – AI chatbots, such as ChatGPT, are great fun, but they also have very practical uses. For example, it can create bespoke resumes, craft some pretty good jokes about geologists, explain complex topics, solve some pretty difficult math problems, and even provide relationship advice. (Editor’s Note: Some engineers take this relationship advice to new levels by making ChatGPT their significant other.) In this first installment of a multi-part series, we look at how AI has been able to decode what oil and gas professionals really mean when they say the stuff they say. We start with engineers and geologists.

What the engineer says What the engineer means 
Oh, thank you, Brenda. I’ll give that some thought. Where would our asset team without a geologist like you? Why don’t you take those core plugs that you have so proudly displayed on your desk, shove one in each nostril, five in your big fat mouth, one up your poop shooter, and shut the f&%k up. I think I know exactly where the oil-water contact is in the NW corner of the Oungre beds in Freda Lake.
I can’t believe it’s already time to go over my annual review? I’m game whenever you’re ready to sit down and discuss my performance and goals. Let’s do it. Holy f&%k. Not this bullshit again. How’s this for performance? I drilled 27 wells whose IP was above P20, and I saved the company hundreds of thousands of dollars by not listening to Brenda. That performance speaks for itself, Mr. Fucko. Now where’s my MF bonus?
This office coffee is great? Is this that new Donut Shop Remix stuff? Wow. Cafe Artigianio and DeVille be damned! I really hope we don’t run out of this stuff. It’s gold. I wouldn’t feed this 5 API sludge to my geologist neighbour’s annoying-ass canine, and I hate that fucking dog.
Oh, man. I was on a great date over the weekend. The young redhead I took out was a knockout, I think her pronoun was smokeshow. What a deamboat, we had quite the Saturday night, I didn’t get home until around 04h30, man. It was sweet, brother, I’ve gotta tell ya. I spent the entire weekend in my parents’ basement watching porn and eating cheesies. Now my penis is orange. WTF. FML.


What the geologist says What the geologist means 
In the Pembina Cardium sandstone, rising sea levels deposited marine sediment on older rock previously exposed on land. This transgression is accompanied by a fining upwards sequence of grain size with the stratigraphic column located close to the shoreline at Time 1, depositing coarser clastic sediment such as sands. Sea level began to rise relative to this point, increasing the water depth, and thus resulting in the deposition of silts and microtitties. Bioturbation. Bioturbation. Bioturbation. Bioturbation. Did I mention bioturbation? Oh man, that was gold. There’s no question that these idiots will buy this shit. I don’t even know what it means, but I used some pretty big-ass $5 words when I could have used 25 cent words. Idiots. We’re going to drill a well based on BS. Bioturbation. Hahahaha. Microtitties? Seriously?
I know how to do math, no problem. Math? What’s that?
I am such a fucking idiot. I am such a fucking idiot.


There you have it, good people. Stay tuned for the next installment of this scintillating series of how AI has decoded what oil and gas professionals really mean when they say what they say.


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