Mostly stolen from “The Ballad of Yukon Jake” by Edward E. Paramore, Jr.
Oh the north country is a hard country
That mothers a bloody brood
And its icy arms hold hidden charms
For the greedy, the sinful and lewd.
And strong men lust for that bitumen crust
That makes the Northland shiver.
But the wickedest born, from the Pole to the Horn
Is the Landman of Elbow River.
Now Joseph Kaime was the Landman’s name
In the days of his honest youth
Then like a fool he went to school
And majored in something uncouth.
He heard a whispered tale of illicit kale
To be had from a mineral lease
So he made a deal that was quite a steal
By cheating the parish priest.
He left his abode and hit the road
Bound for the Elbow’s frozen banks
And he learned to curse and to drink and worse
‘Til Moosepeace oozed from his flanks.
He longed for the bite of the Canadian night
And a neon sign’s weird flicker
Or a game of stud in the frozen mud
And the taste of high cost liquor.
Now we all know of Calgary Joe,
The Landman of Elbow River
For this is the name of Joseph Kaime
Who makes brave men stand and deliver.
No one says no to Calgary Joe
He gives no ground, not even a sliver
“You’ll know no peace ‘til you sign this lease”
Says the Landman of Elbow River.
With a sharp command he’d make them stand
And deliver their paid-up lease
Then drink the bar dry of rum and rye
And laughter that never would cease.
Oh the north country is a hard country
That mothers a bloody brood
And its icy arms hold hidden charms
For the greedy, the sinful and lewd.
And strong men lust for that bitumen crust
That makes the Northland shiver
But the wickedest born, from the Pole to the Horn
Is the Landman of Elbow River.
