2P News introduces Rob Oto III – part robot, part employee, all good

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CALGARY, Alberta – The 2P News management team is pleased to announce that we are jumping on the artificial intelligence bandwagon by introducing a brand new staff member named Rob Oto III. Mr. Oto III is the technologically advanced culmination of a 2-year R&D joint venture project with Russian Federation-based Spylynk Korp, a wholly-owned subsidiary of Putin Enterprises.

Dr. Vladimir Survale of Spylynk, the lead product architect and developer, announced our newest staff member at a press conference held in Banff yesterday.

Dr. Survale, chief product developer Spylynk Korp

“Yes, so we build a robot for news company in canada, yah. the robot is very intelligent, yah, and can learn secrets… errr… things very quickly and he listens very, very well. we have the ability to take control of the robot from soviet russia if something go wrong at 2p shed office. We can tell mr. Oto to go to sleep and we can listen to him. And he can listen to other things because he is connected to the internets and satellite in space. and he can tell our control center how he is doing.” – Dr. Survale, Spylynk Korp

In a video released by 2P News, Rob Oto III is seen having a conversation with 2P News co-founder Antoine McGuilicuddy over breakfast, where the two discussed Mr. Oto’s new role within the 2P News framework. Part of the conversation has been transcribed below:

Antoine: Welcome to 2P News, Rob Oto, we’ve been waiting patiently for your arrival, which will help us cut costs and improve our news content and delivery. Do you think you are up to the task here at 2P News?

Mr. Oto III: YOU SEE, IN NORTH AMERICA YOU CAN ALWAYS FIND A PARTY, BUT IN SOVIET RUSSIA THE PARTY ALWAYS FIND YOU.

Antoine: Pardon me, Rob Oto, I don’t see what that has to do with my question.

Mr. Rob Oto III

Mr. Oto III: ты чё, сука, охуел, бля?

Antoine: Do you prefer working alone or as a team? Because we have both opportunities here for you, but we’d rather have you in a role that best suits what you want to do.

Mr. Oto III: WIFI MUST RECONNECT TO SAT COM BACKEND NOW!!… OH, YAH, MR. 2P, I LIKE TO WORK WITH OTHER COMPUTER. BECAUSE AS LONG AS THE SUN SHINES, YOU DO NOT LOOK FOR THE MOON.

Antoine: Well, we’ll leave it at this for now, Rob Oto III. Again, welcome aboard and the entire team here is looking forward to seeing some of the content that you create.

Mr. Oto III: пииииииздец, бляяяя. teper’ otvedite menya k vashemu vozhdyu, durak!

Antoine: Errrr… yeah. This is a wrap.

2P News expects it will take only a couple of weeks for Mr. Rob Oto III to learn the ropes before he starts to write and publish his own content on 2pnews.com. So stay tuned.

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