Series-25-Polished-Rod-ClampsAnne Hydrite first laid eyes on Ray Tracing at an oil and gas convention in Weyburn, Saskatchewan on a stormy night in the fall of 2018. With her sultry and seductive eyes, she called him over from across the sub structure to meet at the drop bar.

As he stared at her cleavage, Ray invited Anne to sit down at the kelly table so that he could learn more about her depositional environment. He said, “I love your aromatics, it is very gneiss.” To which she replied, “Why thank you, it is the latest from Channel.”

“Do you have the absolute time to head down to my fractured basement to watch an event,” he asked. “Of course!” she replied, and off they went.

Back at Ray’s basement feature, Anne got close and they started to kiss. Anne asked him if he’d like to explore her undeveloped acreage with some horizontal drilling, and he obliged.

His prime mover started to turn, his sucker rod started to move, and all Ray could think about was inserting his polishing rod into her stuffing box at 10 strokes per minute to get her pumped off.  They both got super heated and started a conversation that went something like this:

Ray: “I sooo want to drill your exploration well?”

Anne: “But wait, do you have a liner?”

Ray: “no schist i have a liner, and some friction reducer too, so Let’s do this!”


They tore off each other’s clothes. Anne annealed down in front of him and started to give him wellhead. But Ray was struggling, he feared that he was going to have a rod failure. “Although I’m hung like a horst, Anne, I do need artificial lift!”

Ray worked over his rod and he was back in business. Anne performed a squeeze job on his frac balls and blew down his pipe. Ray played with her landing nipple. It was time for them to sign this joint venture agreement – it was time for Ray to drill this horizontal well.

Anne slipped on the liner with her mouth leaving a basalty taste in her mouth, just before Ray ran in hole. He closed his eyes and continued to blind ram her being careful to steer clear of her tar sands.

Before long he noticed that friction was causing things to heat up and he feared a rod break.

Ray: “Are you wet?”

Anne: “I am only water wet, but I want to be oil wet.”

Ray: “I’ll make you oil weT, baby, I’LL CHANGE YOUR WETTABILITY!”

He tripped out of hole, applied an alkaline surfactant to his rod, re-entered, and then continued to increase his strokes per minute.

Anne: “You are pumping me off, baby, keep it coming.”


Ray stayed in zone as he continued to pump. He disabled the pump off controller so that it would not interrupt the session. Her fluid levels were decreasing.

Anne: “My arrival time is near! Don’t stop stimulating my wellbore!! WORK ME OVER, BABY, FRACK MY PAYZONE!”

Oil BlowoutAll of the induced seismicity got Ray’s coal bed dipping at 33 degrees, all while Ray stayed in zone in the area of interest. All of the sudden, Ray got under balanced and hit an over-pressured interval, and he could not continue to drill much past the intermediate casing point.

He was forced out of hole as Anne’s well kicked. Fluids rushed to surface, Her blow out preventer failed, and drilling fluids burst into the air all over her floodplain along with Ray’s spelunking.

Anne: “Oh, Ray, this is fan-clastic! Thanks for making me cummingtonite! Every other experience in the past shales in comparison!”

And as quickly as the night started, it was over. It was good for Anne Hydrite, but for Ray it was an anticline because he thought that she was into boudinage or perhaps that she would have invited a friend for an orogeny. Very upset, Ray rolled off of Anne, calculated his abandonment costs and left without reclaiming the lease.


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