• “It is because of the study of geology that our dear earth is in shambles,” UN chief
  • Changes to take effect January 1st, 2020

NEW YORK, New York – This morning, Jurgen Dagnaut, Chancellor of the Scientific Review panel at the United Nations, announced the move by the UN to ban any future studies in geological science. Anywhere. Or at least in any country that is governed by UN policies and regulations.

After decades of independent research of all of the peer-reviewed scientific geological publications, and both undergraduate- and graduate-level academic thesis documents that have been published over the past 200 years, the UN panel concluded that the demise of mankind, and Earth as a whole, and it all parts, has been accelerated almost entirely by the study and execution of geology and its findings.

“The avenues in which this pseudo-science has acted to destroy the Earth and its population is exhaustive.  The study and research into minerals, precious metals, oil and gas, coal, diamonds, and even water and gravel deposits, has led to almost all of the worlds problems of late.  Poverty of the gem and mineral rich nations driven by political and corporate greed, slavery in the name of power and market domination, worldwide pollution in the name of mineral and energy extraction, climate change through fossil fuel discovery and ultimate consumption, and fresh water aquifer decline through industrial processing.  Geology holds a fundamental claim to all of the disastrous work through history.” – Kieran Tekknoti, Chief of Review, UNSR

Effective January 1, 2020, the UN regulations will require all Universities and Colleges worldwide to cease all geological studies and earth science programs, eliminating the possibility that future generations can continue to harm the Earth’s environment and population.

Students currently enrolled in these programs will be given credit towards Social Engineering and Behavioral Science degrees, which of course will require further years of study to catch up, as geological course hold no value in those disciplines.

Professional associations around the world will be required to close their doors and remove all designations and status from practicing professional geoscientists. Although the UN realizes such a move will likely be met with strong opposition, it is prepared with numerous envoys of armed, military personnel stationed at key locations around the globe.

Lt. Colonel Calcnot, UN

“We will meet those rock-licking geoscientists on the field of battle.  Be it a boardroom, a lecture theater, or a mining camp in Siberia.  These Geo-Terrorists will end their reign on our dear planet’s demise or face the full military force of the United Nations.” – Gabbelye Calcnot, Lt. Colonel, UN Geological Resistance Force

While the news has not yet effected market prices around the world, DeBeers, Glencore, Gulf Oil, Saudi Aramco, and Cheaterson Energy, have all expressed a laughable, yet unofficial responses to the UN’s new policies. Most of which revolve around a universal water cooler comment, “bring it on!”


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