Caution: Some readers might find this article disturbing and offensive. We have taken steps to redact the questionable content so as to not upset anybody. 

CALGARY, Alberta – Turnabout is fair play.  Cynthia Redbush and Yu Mii have been on our cases to bring more gender balance to 2P News.  In this installment of Dear Andy, a ###### reader asks for advice on how to deal with nerdy, smelly, overweight, clueless #### engineers and geologists. – Ed.

Dear Andy:

You misogynistic piece of crap, you have nothing good to say about ###### in general and ##### engineers and geologists in particular.  Imagine that your microscopic pecker has turned into a love tunnel and give us ##### some advice on how to tolerate the #### clowns and ######## at oil and gas companies.  Come on, be a #####-man and speak some truth.

                                        • All the Frustrated #######

 

Andy Killinger, 2P Staff Counselor

Dear Frustrated:

My, my, such language.  So you want me to turn into a #####?  You want to know how to handle assholes like me?  OK, here goes.

  • Weaponize your PMS.  You’re already expected to be ###### during your ######, so if you add in the days of (real or alleged) PMS you can cover a couple of weeks of being as sensitive as ammonium tri-iodide, ready to explode at the slightest touch.
  • Run to Human Resources at the slightest ###########.  Suppose a new geologist meets you for the first time and says, “You sure got nice tits!”  Instead of accepting the compliment, file a complaint and make him squirm through a week-long mandatory sensitivity seminar.
  • Some ####### might be looking for a ####### at their place of employment.  Good luck with that.  If you run into a well-dressed, articulate, handsome engineer, don’t waste your time.  He’s gay.
  • Cry.  That’s the ultimate ###### weapon, guaranteed to turn men into quivering guilt-ridden blobs.  But save it for special occasions.  Used too often you’ll get a reputation for being #########.
  • Master the icy stare.  This will shut up most ###.  Think of how Sophie Trudeau would look at Justin when he eyes that 22 year-old supermodel receptionist in his office.
  • Prove you’re not just ###### up #####.  Generate a prospect or design a gas system.

I’ll have you know writing this took a shitload of Moosepeace.

Andy Killinger, Staff Counselor 2P News

1 COMMENT

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here