CALGARY, Alberta – As of November 1st, 2021 a new exploration program developed by Panriver Petroleum Ltd has been approved by the AER, and will employ up to 1200 geologists and geoscientists by July 2022.
Panriver Petroleum has mapped and initiated the trial phase of its surficial oil collection program along several fluvial systems in northern Alberta, including the Athabasca River Basin. By employing geologists and geoscientists to literally pan for the oil at surface, akin to panning for gold, the company seeks to collect and sell surficial oil to neighbouring heavy oil facilities, while cleaning up natural “oil spills” in the process.
“We’ve all panned for gold in some river or stream. For school, a hobby, or money, all geoscientists have done it. We’re applying those inherent skills to the oil and gas industry. We can take all of these unemployed rock jockeys and put them in hip waders out in a river with a pan to collect the oil. It’s easier than gold because it floats. It is a liquid that can be dumped into a barrel and then shipped to a heavy oil facility for processing. We’ve even designed a new scoop shovel to make collection faster than a typical gold pan.” – Henry Wiseman, P.Geo, CEO Panriver Petroleum
Estimates are each person with a pan or scoop can collect up to 3 barrels a day with a 20-30% water cut. If that person is in the right location, and with oil prices expected to reach $200 US a barrel by mid 2022, each employee can collect $600 US worth of oil per day. After selling to market, the earned dollar of a collection geologist would be approximately $200 US per day, or $1,400 Canadian dollars.
Several collection camp locations have been planned in the region, as shown ion the map below. Collection camps are initially planned as exploration points and will be refined and adjusted as resource collection develops.
Unemployed Calgary-area geologists are rejoicing at the prospect of new work that takes them back to the basics. Callan Silurian, an exploration geologist who has been out of meaningful work since early 2015, is ecstatic about the idea.
“Oh man, I’m all over this idea like Oprah Winfrey on a baked ham! I can’t wait to literally get my hands dirty in this new line of geological work. It sure beats hanging out in my old man’s basement eating edibles and doritos while watching seinfeld reruns! I’m pretty quick with my hands, so I’m aiming to produce upwards of 10 bopd!” – Callan Silurian, unemployed geologist
Collection camps will open on December 3rd, 2021. Applications for employment can be sent to firstname.lastname@example.org.