Not Heisenberg and Pauli

CALGARY, Alberta – A number of our faithful readers (OK, two) claim that I must live in a fantasy world of monsters and superheroes, because I’ve recently written about comparing Godzilla to Gamera and I’m working on a story comparing Superman to Captain Marvel. However, I can be as scientific as Flowman and McGuilicuddy.  To prove my point, we will enter the world of quantum physics and examine the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle and the Pauli Exclusion Principle.

The Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle:


In quantum mechanics, the uncertainty principle is any of a variety of mathematical inequalities asserting a fundamental limit to the accuracy with which the values for certain pairs of physical quantities of a particle, such as position, x, and momentum, p, can be predicted from initial conditions. Such variable pairs are known as complementary variables or canonically conjugate variables; and, depending on interpretation, the uncertainty principle limits to what extent such conjugate properties maintain their approximate meaning, as the mathematical framework of quantum physics does not support the notion of simultaneously well-defined conjugate properties expressed by a single value.

The Pauli Exclusion Principle:


The exclusion principle is the quantum mechanical principle which states that two or more identical fermions (particles with half-integer spin) cannot occupy the same quantum state within a quantum system simultaneously. This principle was formulated 1925 for electrons, and later extended to all fermions with his spin–statistics theorem of 1940.

Sure, this is a bunch of scientific mumbo jumbo to most of us, but I’m here to help make sense of it all.  Let’s examine the pertinent facts:

                                                      Heisenberg                   Pauli

Number of People in Entire

World Who Understand It                 42                                27

Did Curly Understand It?                  Soitinly                         Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk

Author                                           German physicist           Austrian physicist

                                                     Named Werner              Named Wolfgang

Nobel Prize?                                   Yes, 1932                      Yes, 1945

Alive or Dead?                                Dead                             Dead

Other Accomplishments                   Chugged 6 Steins in       Nailed Maria

                                                    30 Minutes                     von Trapp

Would Rather Forget                       Working for Hitler           Nailing Maria

                                                                                         von Trapp


There you have it, all the important stuff.  Now you know 2P News can be both entertaining and educational with yours truly in the forefront.

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Sir William Shortspeare
Sir William Shortspeare, hereditary lord of Bentknee Manor in Slopshire, has over fifty years’ experience at being a devout prig. Staying one step ahead of the nancy boys at Clovenhoof College, he graduated with a degree in Nothing Special. Thus eminently qualified, he joined British Petroleum and was immediately posted to Houston. After enduring one summer of Texas heat, he spent the remainder of his career demanding a transfer. Now retired, he casts a jaundiced eye on the world from Southern California and reports his findings to 2P News.


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