There are some things you'll never hear said out loud.

Gentle Readers:  This is Sir William Shortspeare returning from a lengthy layoff from writing for 2P News and indeed from most aspects of life.  I’ve been recovering from a heart procedure called a Transcatheter Aortic Valve Replacement and the recovery has been slower and more painstaking than expected.  (Emphasis on pain.)  Now all I have to worry about is my atrial fibrillation.  Such is the fate of crazy old farts.  I hope to get back to being a regular contributor.

New Fake Valve

Anyhow, enough about me… here are a few of the statements that you will never, ever, hear said out loud.

Baptist Preacher – “We have plenty of money so I’m not going to bug you to tithe anymore.”

The CEO – “I make too much money.  I’m going to take my bonus and split it up among the troops.”

Your wife – “We can have sex whenever and wherever you want.”

The reservoir engineer – “Oh, this boomer of a well that came in at P5? Full credit goes to the geology team on this one. Lest we forget, it’s all about the geology!”

The geophysicist – “Let’s check with the geologist to see if that kind of rock even exists here.”

The geologist – “That might be a reverse fault.  Let’s see what the geophysicist says the seismic shows.”

Company reserves engineer – “These PUDs I’m about to book are very, very conservative, but nowhere near as conservative as the 1P reserves.”

Your supervisor – “This discovery was 100% your idea and I will give you all the credit.”

Computer salesman – “Our machine is a piece of crap and you’d be better off buying an abacus.”

Landman – “Another drink? Oh, no, I couldn’t possibly do that. I’m on a new one-drink-per-day regimen with hopes of being completely dry in a few weeks.”

Your doctor – “Tonight have a big, juicy steak with a six-pack of Moosepeace and finish with a cigar.”

Any politician – “Yes, I’m an honest politician.  I actually do what you bribe me to do.”

Car salesman – “This is an OK car but you can skip all the extra crap I’m going to try to sell you.”

Fast food clerk – “I spilled your fries on the floor but we just mopped it so they should be OK.”

The yard guy – “My Saturday morning leaf blower is actually a miniature 747 jet engine.”

There you have it. What are some other statements that you’d never expect to hear spoken aloud? Feel free to share in the comments. Cheers!


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