CALGARY, Alberta – Throwback Exploration announced today that effective immediately it will transition away from conventional metric-centric performance measurement of its staff in its Calgary head office. Through a newly implemented keystroke and usage logging software application created in-house, the mid-size E&P company has analyzed its staff’s workflow and determined that greater than 91% of the professionals in their employ have become complacent, which yields noticeable deficiencies and adversely impacts company productivity as a whole.
Throwback’s HR team responded to this inadequacy by developing and implementing a Complacency Reduction Program, or CRP. The goal of the program is to force staff to think about each step in their workflow, akin to making school children show their work on exams. The CRP does this by requiring work to be done in old or unconventional units of measurement requiring long conversions and intense concentration.
“The inefficiencies due to a largely complacent workforce has forced out hands on implementing this new program. We reserved the right to monitor the keystrokes of our employees and make changes the way we see fit. Processing the units of measure between teams and operational processes will demand that our staff be on top of their game and remain involved with all aspects of the company’s goals. We can’t afford to just have engineers, geologists, and technologists just float over the details any longer” – John McQueef, VP of Employee Development, Throwback Exploration
For example, if a well is planned to be drilled to a depth of 1600 meters, it is now going to be drilled to approximately 8 furlongs. Or if the well is to be 3 miles, it’s now drilled to 1 league. Some teams could work in fathoms if they prefer, or even barleycorns. Surface land and OOIP units would be “hides” not acres, or even oxgangs or bunariums. Mud volumes and fluid dispositions could work in Botellas, or Hogsheads. Density could be in Faggots per Cubit. “It’s actually quite simple when you think about it,” continued Mr. McQueef.
But not everybody is on board with the new program. Harry P. Nus, a human resources consultant with Roberto Quarter Talent Experts, told 2P News that, “Throwback’s new Complacency Reduction Program has missed mark big time and will alienate employees who are used to working with exclusively metric units where unit conversions simply involve multiplying or dividing by orders of magnitude. Who has ever heard of intermediate casing that has an OD of 1.6 hands? Or a 7,643 Cow’s Grass lease? I don’t think it’s going to work, especially for the younger cats out there.”