Can this revolutionary new drug be the answer to the newest sexual orientation disorder?

3 min read (normal people), 30+ min read (geologists)

Disassociated Press OTTAWA, Canada – Health Canada on Friday approved for trial Shyster Inc’s (SHY.N) nasal spray and tablets for increasing androphilia in both men and women, giving patients access to a potentially fast-acting relief the time they have been away from men.

Androphilia is a term in behavioural science used to describe sexual attraction to men or masculinity.

The novel mRNA-based drug, Tricoxagin, was approved for treatment of acute and general anti-androphilia episodes, the company said. Shyster gained the drug as well as Health Canada-approved intercourse lubricant Dixaslidin through its $7.6B buyout of Calgary-based Androgenius Pharmaceutical last year. “We felt it was time to expand our product portfolio,” said Dr. Jaun A. Hooker, Shyster CEO. “And Calgary-based Andro Pharma had just what we needed to help us increase our share in the very competitive sexual dysfunction prescription medication market,” he continued.

Based on early results of the trial, whose 10,000 participants span B.C., Alberta, Saskatchewan, Ontario, Quebec, and 3 maritime provinces, Shyster has forecast peak sales from its Tricoxagin pipeline to be around $4.3 billion by 2027.

Tricoxagin, to be launched in July, 2023 pending a successful trial, would be comparable in price to other Health Canada-approved drugs of the same class including Premajak and Notstayinup.

2P News medical correspondent, Yu Mii, recently travelled across Canada to interview a number of Tricoxagin trial participants.

Cynthia Synthcock, trial participant

Cynthia Synthcock, 36, Sault Ste. Marie, ON
“Okay, so I was straight until about 18, when I started to like both chicks and dudes, but by 25 I was full onto girls. I had a steady girlfriend for the past 6 years and we finally broke up a few weeks ago and it was tough on me – she was all about the drama. So I decided I’d rather climb a tree than dig for gold, and this Tricoxagin is really helping me get into the groove.”

Neil Downs, 29, Airdrie, AB
“I’m not even sure what’s going on here. I saw and email for a trial of what I thought was a new heartburn medication, so I signed up. I start taking these pills and after a few days I started looking at guys in a totally different manner. In fact, all I could think about when I saw another man, any man, was getting behind him and pushing the Cadbury uphill. And what a strange thing to think about doing because I’m as straight as 6 o’clock.”

Seymour Bush, 55, Black City, SK
“All I have to say is that this shit don’t work too good with Viagra. I’ll spare you the details, but I had to fight to not screw myself for about 5 hours.”

About 3.9 million people in Canada suffer from symptoms of androphilia, according to the Sexual Orientation Research Foundation.

Shyster’s shares were marginally up at $31.87 in noon trading.


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