The engineer's daughter playing with rocks.

CALGARY, Alberta – The oil industry is full of its nuances and tribulations.  There are quibbles over money, detail, procedure, and personality.  The PNG industry can be very stressful indeed, and anyone working in oil and gas will be quick to tell you their home is their escape from the drudgery of the office.  But not for Ron Skantch.  Not anymore.

Ron Skantch, breaks down during interview
Ron Skantch, breaks down during interview

Ron Skantch is a Senior Development Engineer with Beaterson Energy, working out of the newly opened Calgary office in the East Village.  Working long days on Beaterson’s latest optimization project, he was devastated when he returned home to find his 7 year old daughter comparing, and swapping rocks in the driveway in front of their Springbank home.

Ron was not concerned until he stepped out of the car, walked over to say hello to his daughter, and heard the 3 children discussing “carbonates, deposition, and bioturbation.”

“I was simply flabbergasted.  What the hell is my kid, A MATH Whiz, a genius by any standards I have, doing discussing rocks with the trolls across the street.  I’ve met their dad.  He’s some rock sniffer from Bendovus.  A real piece of work that guy is. Sheesh!  With his sandals, zip off pants and that damn Tilley hat! I’ve told her time and time again that if she wants to amount to something and someday become an executive, then she must stay away from the rocks.” – Ron Skantch, P.Geo.

A graduate of the U of C Mechanical Engineering program, with a masters in bi-modal construction algorithms (calculating the cost of cement), Ron always planned his daughter’s future as an engineer – maybe chemical, maybe civil, perhaps even electrical.  But his hopes, dreams, plans, savings, everything was shattered when she came clean and admitted to him that afternoon that she wanted to be a geologist like her friend Shale’s daddy.

To add insult to injury, when he stormed inside the house he was confronted by his crying wife, Emily, as she confessed to have bought their daughter a rock tumbling kit, and several books on geology in Banff and Drumheller.

Emily Skantch, divorced for encouraging science
Emily Skantch, divorced for encouraging science

“I was just trying to give my little girl the edge she needs in this damn city.  She was so intent on learning about mountains, and hoodoos, and pyrite (whatever that is), and oil.  I just wanted the best for her.  Ron served me divorce papers yesterday.  One of the lawyers at APEGA is his counsel.  I should have just listened to him him and forced her to be an engineer.”   – Emily Skantch, crying during her interview with 2P News

Although the Skatches are divorcing, the problem has not gone away.  The neighbour, Richard Fissure, and his son Shale, have still been coaching Tabitha on geology and offering new books and samples on the subject.  Ron and APEGA have tried to force a court order on the Fissures, but a judge was forced to charge them with contempt when Ron lost his temper and called the judge a “granola-hugging beatnik.”

Richard Fissure. Never stops smiling like an idiot.
Richard Fissure. Never stops smiling like an idiot.

“I don’t know where this animosity comes from, man.  I just love the earth. I love the way it pushes these miracles around and up and then spews some of the sweetest seed you can imagine out of its cracks and crevices for us to power our miraculous lives man.  He’s mad at me?  He’s mad at Mother Earth.  And that’s just sad, man. Sad.

What that dude needs to do is swing on over to my pad tonight and sip on my homemade rum and take a hoot with me from my Earth Bong.” – Dick Fissure outside his home in Springbank Meadows.

Ron and Emily Skantch’s daughter has been sent to a remedial engineering school (commune) in Vermont to be re-educated prior to returning to Calgary. Upon her return, she will be enrolled in a pre-engineering program at the Collegiate for Understanding New Technology.


  1. I have a hard time believing any of this is true. However, if it is, hopefully the wife wins custody and can ban that sperm donor from any length of time in that little girl’s life. What a moron, waste of good oxygen.

  2. Wow I wonder how Ron will feel when he learns that in order to understand the physics of engineering, you need to understand the physics of nature. And usually when somebody is always smiling it usually means their happy, it does not mean their an idiot.I would love too smoke the earth bong and have the earth conversation. But i doubt Ron will even understand. idiot!.

  3. Todd, we hear yah! We tried to talk to Ron and get a better perspective before we published the article, but he just kept yelling something about my hat and my zip off pants?

    Of our group of Marvelous Talent here at 2P News, even some of the engineers were perplexed by Ron’s behavior.

    (The others? We don’t let them out much.)



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