CALGARY, Alberta – Bendovus Energy’s stock fell off a cliff in early morning trading today when rumour hit the street that the company was planning to change its name from Bendovus Energy to Bendoverus Energy. The Calgary-based major integrated oil company held an emergency press release to calm investors and to claim that it was only a foundationless rumour. Bendovus’ VP of Tuesday Press Releases had the following to say about the situation:
Although the name Bendoverus Energy has a somewhat nice ring to it, we here at Bendovus did not create this name, and we have nothing to do with it whatsoever. So I would like all of our beloved investors who sold off stock this morning to buy it back. Please and thank you.
According to a statement released by one of Bendovus’ largest competitors, PNRL, the rumor was started by a PNRL crew that was preparing a lease in the company’s Pimprose field. The statement read that the superintendent was overheard telling one of his colleagues a joke that went something like this:
“So, did you hear that Bendovus Energy is changing its name? Did you hear that news?! Yeah, really, the company’s changing its name to Bendoverus because they like to bend over the competition and pump them in the ass without lube. Bwahahaha… yeah, Bendoverus, do you get it?!! Hahahaha. BEND OVER US. This is killin’ me. Hahah, yeah, that’s a good one…”
The joke quickly made its way from the 10-31 lease site to a number of social media outlets, where its popularity and exposure skyrocketed to the point that a number of investors believed it to be true, rather than a joke.
Bendovus’ President and CEO deplores the behavior of the 2 PNRL site workers and he plans to sue PNRL for defamation of character and slander, especially considering the edge-drilling program that the competitor tried to get away with last year. 2P News reporter, Hans Jackofferson, was able to quickly interview the company head-man outside of the company’s downtown Calgary headquarters.
So first PNRL tried to steal our oil, now they are making fun of my company’s name. This has to stop, and it has to stop now. This rumor has cost our shareholders hundreds of millions of dollars of market cap in a few hours, and it’s not funny. I don’t go around telling people that PNRL is going to change its name to WAABOFI, which stands for We Are a Bunch of Idiots… hahaha, yeah, that was good… anyhow, I don’t go doing that, because at Bendovus Energy, we take the higher road and treat our partners and competitors with respect.
After believing that the 2P News camera and microphone were turned off following the interview, Mr. Dòngbīn continued on to admit that he actually likes the name Bendoverus Energy, because it really did accurately reflect his company’s image both in the field and in downtown Calgary. He told Hans Jackofferson that he was only upset that the idea for that name did not come from within his organization.
When asked about the investors, he said, “Are you sure that camera and mic are off? Yes? Okay. Those investors that sold off our stock this morning can go sit on a sharp stick. I run the biggest company in Western Canada and if those investors want to run like little scared school girls, then they can go to hell. I’m the boss around here!”
After news of Mr. Dòngbīn’s rant hit the streets, the company’s stock fell another 49% down to $7.58 on the TSE in late day trading and the sell-off is expected to continue into the coming days.