The Bottom Line
Sponsored by Mooncor, Bendovus, Shall Energy, and FinnCrude, this is a masterful work of shit. Beyond hiring a know-nothing, talentless Mr. Rangloo to direct the film, the point seems to have been missed by the contract screenplay writers as well. This depressing 2-hour waste of life has nothing to offer society aside from the fact the empty theaters might be a good place to take your escort on a “date”.
Bruce Jenner, Charlie Sheen, Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus, Judd Nelson, and Rob Ford
Piksar’s latest under-achieving hero struggles with loneliness and depression in this animated Ode de Oilsands. An oil soaked mallard duck, appropriately named OilLee, finds that making friends and finding companionship is hard for a dirty, grungy duck from Ft. McDreary. Between incessant peer bullying, and being endlessly chased by Sunlight-scrubbing Eco Terrorists, OilLee has almost nothing to live for. And after wasting 2 hours seeing this flop, neither do I.
What can I say about OilLee? Not much I’m afraid. From the moment this bitumen laden water fowl stumbles onto the screen he is doomed. OilLee wanders around trying to make friends with any and all other animals, only to be shunned and ridiculed by all that he meets.
His sodden, beat down demeanor (voiced by Bruce Jenner) gives us a very insightful look at what a duck thinks right before he kills himself, which OilLee does in the end of the film (sorry for the spoiler). The detail of today’s animation is incredible, and Piksar did with OilLee as they have never done before. They created an animated character so life-like it makes you want to puke up your stale gummy bears. OilLee is maybe the most depressing character ever created by any animation studio. Imagine if Wall-E had not met the love of his life, remained a garbage packing, plant saving model of suicidal tendencies right up until he was trapped motionless on a desolate garbage planet for eternity. Now triple that. That is what Piksar and Rangloo have given the world with OilLee.
Terrible story aside, the cast was stellar, and expensive. Bruce Jenner does what he can to not sound like Donald Duck after botoxing his larynx. Charlie Sheen, the voice of Frike the Goose, the antagonist throughout the film, is as hard heckling as he ever was in real life. With these two rockstars playing opposite roles in the star-packed cast, the supporting characters needed to be just as talented to keep pace.
On his journey from Ft. McDreary to Stettler, OilLee meets two wayward Swallows played by Bieber and Cyrus. These two could play the parts in their sleep, as both Swallows are annoying as hell and pretty much useless to anyone other than themselves. Judd Nelson plays Marve the Moose, whom OilLee meets somewhere north of Edmonton, and the two engage in a short-lived friendship until members of GreenTrees chase OilLee away with scrub brushes and cameras. Toronto Mayor Rob Ford has a brief cameo in the movie, playing a pointless, ultra-hyper mosquito that nags and nats at OilLee for the duration of the film.
The movie culminates when OilLee gives a 25-minute soliloquy about life as a dirty duck, and finally gives up on his life, flying into what can only be described as the most graphic duck-death-by-wind-turbine ever created for the screen. It is sure to terrify and haunt children well into their forties.
Proved Plus Probable Weekly News gives this movie 0 out of 5 stars.