Donald Sterling
Donald Sterling

LOS ANGELES, California – Recent media scrutiny of his racially themed comments has led to a complete dismissal of Donald Sterling from the NBA.  While there was initially speculation he may try and retain ownership of the LA Clippers, it seems he has now turned 180° and decided to start a well-funded oil and gas company.

The junior startup has been registered through a shell corporation that Sterling owns, and will open its doors as Whitey Oil Incorporated.

While the name alone implies Sterling has had no change of heart after the fiasco, a spokesman for the new company is adamant that it has everything to do with the company’s focus, and nothing to do with racial preference. In fact, according to Mr. Sterling himself, “I am not a racist; I used to watch the Cosby Show all of the time.”

Tad Tinklebum, PR Manger Whitey Oil
Tad Tinklebum, PR Manger Whitey Oil

We are simply going to drill for white oil.  This oil is very rare these days and can only be successfully produced by a small majority of professionals.  We are targeting a new market with our white oil and we hope that when the world sees that white oil can do what black oil cannot, we will be victorious in our endeavour. – Tad Tinklebum, PR Manger Whitey Oil

A swift social media outcry has begun over the newly-birthed energy developer, but professional organizations around the globe have also begun to wonder what Sterling is up to with his White Oil theory.  It would seem that no one, anywhere, has ever heard of White Oil, let alone produced any.

Jonathan Radcraft
Jonathan Radcraft

This guy Sterling is a racist nutbar.  White Oil?  What the hell man?  What, Black Oil ain’t good enough for you?  It’s already doing 90% of the work for you anyways!  What this guy needs is a kick in nuts from everyone that sees him for about 3 days.  Then maybe he’ll straighten out. – Jonathan Radfrat, CEO Cracker Frack Energy

Although Whitey Oil Inc. has been registered in the State of California, there has not been any land or acreage announced where Sterling will find his Great White Oil Hope, or if he has hired any industry professionals to help with his quest.

The office address has been listed as his home address and no apparent infrastructure has been setup to begin exploration.  Up until this point, it may be that the start-up is just be a sideways retaliation at those who called him out for his comments to his former girlfriend.  But that may give Sterling’s intelligence more credit than it deserves.


  1. Hold on a New York minute!! Who wrote this article? I didn’t approve it. What the hell is going on?! I am deeply offended by this article’s content.

    Antoine, do you have something to so with this?

  2. How the hell were you able to be racist and sexist in the same line?! Pack your shit, Antoine – you’re FIRED!!!!

  3. That’s it! You’re double fired. As you are leaving the office with your shoe box of possessions, I will fire you again.


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