ORANGE COUNTY, California – Descendants of Werner Groebli and Hansruedi Mauch have announced their intent to sue various news organizations, the oil industry and environmentalist groups over their use of the term “frack.”

Groebli and Mauch performed as comedy ice skaters from 1936 to 1953 for the Ice Follies under the names Frick and Frack. [Editor: this is true.] The families’ representatives, Borscht & Blintz LLC, contend that the names are copyrighted and the use of the word “frack” without permission by anyone is illegal and icky.

Grandson Gaylord Groebli commented on the issue during a press conference at the Girls’ 12-and-Under Hockey Championship and Roller Derby in Winnipeg.

Famous photo of Frick & Frack performing - courtesy of JHL Media
Famous photo of Frick & Frack performing – courtesy of JHL Media

There’s no frickin’ way that we’re going to allow this frack blasphemy to continue! We have some of the best legal counsel in SoCal and our lawsuit seeks a Cease and Desist Order against everyone, damages in the amount of 42 trillion Swiss francs and Hans Brinker’s silver skates. – Gaylord Groebli, grandson

The law firm of Dewey, Cheatham & Howe, based in Pasadena and currently representing Fox News and Satan, contends that the word “frack” and the phrase “Frick and Frack” have passed into the public domain.  If they can convince the courts of this, there will be no claim to the terminology any longer by the retired skating duo.

Yannay Joshua Spitzerbergsteinwitz
Yannay Joshua Spitzerbergsteinwitz

Within US law, it is unreasonable to name a list of defendants that spans tens of thousands of pages. I believe the plaintiffs googled the word “frack” and then named every single one of the 4.3 million referenced hits that were returned by Google in 0.00000078 seconds. That’s not the way the legal system works. I can’t think of one class action law suit that has that many parties named on either side.  Maybe when we go after Puckersnurg, but thats different.  No one likes that weirdo.

We will defend our clients right to the fracking end. What? Are they going to name me in the suit now, too? – Yannay Joshua Spitzerbergsteinwitz, lawyer, Dewey, Cheatham & Howe

DC&H cite the case of Whoopie Cushion v. State of California in which the High Court (located on the summit of Denali) ruled that simulated flatulence has as much hilarity as the real thing and is entitled to the full protection of the law.

Should the families prevail, the defendants are trying out new words. To date, they have come up with flacking, cracking, smacking, jacking and tacking. Focus groups were assembled but no one gave a shit.


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