DUBAI, UAE – Natural gas stocks have soared as news of the freshly completed CSF project has been completed in Jert’uk Dalin Ooo, just outside of Dubai.  The CSF project, or Cumulative  Space Flare project, has been deemed an outrageous success by Hollimorton, the primary leader of design and fabrication on the project.

The 100km tall, 14-inch diameter titanium and carbon fiber pipe is definitely something to see.  It is buried and cemented 10km into the Earth’s surface, with guy wires and high-tensile titanium supports around its base.  The CSF was built to collect the bulk of natural gas in the region and simply spew it to space where it will not contribute to global warming, or collect in already full storage facilities awaiting sale.

Morgan Titszinsky.  Smarter than he looks?
Morgan Fairagutt, P.Eng.,  Hollimorton

We are so happy that this worked.  The space flaring project was a design that even we had our doubts about.  The guy wires alone required over 4200km of 8 strand high-tensile wire.  We made sure the stack extends fully beyond our atmosphere as well, to ensure no leakage back to Earth.  We used almost 80,000 high-end CREE LEDs to make sure air traffic could see it as well.  A modern marvel, it really is. – Morgan Fairagutt, Hollimorton Lead Engineer

The CSF will spew trillions of cubic feet of raw unprocessed natural gas per day into outer space.  The gas was collecting in storage facilities prior to this, and after a 3-week trial, the results are in: All stored gas is gone, and any produced gas is being evacuated as well while well produce it (under vacuum).

While gas in space gas never been a real issue, it has caught the attention of some who believe this could be worse standard flaring procedures.

Dandelion Sunshine Flowerchild, P.Hip.

If you honestly think venting the gas to space is going to help, you are a bonafide idiot.  It’s just gonna form sharp, heavy icicles and then plummet back to Earth and stab anything it hits.  Between that and the stream of pressurized gas pushing Earth out of its orbit, we’ve got big problems.  I need a drink.  Yu, you wanna drink? – Dandelion Sunshine Flowerchild, Veganistic Progenerian

The CSF project has cost Hollimorton more than $1 Billion to date, and it seems that there is a plan to install a similar space needle in Pennsylvania by 2016.

Rumours abound that the drilling and tracking programs in that area will increase in an effort to keep the CSF at capacity for economic reasons, but that has 2P News wondering what the hell is wrong with these idiots.


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