RIYADH, Saudi Arabia – The World Organization of Petroleum Societies (WOOPS) today announced a new pro-active campaign to counter the anti-fracking hysteria now spreading throughout the world. At a press conference during the WOOPS annual convention in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, spokesman Draco Slytherin introduced the new media campaign being launched by WOOPS.
The anti-fracking people have already made up their tiny little minds and nothing we say or do will change them. So, we decided to give the general population something far more ghastly to worry about. An I will now unveil the tagline for the new propaganda campaign:
ZOMBIES ARE REAL! RUN! HIDE!
He went on to say the anti-fracking movement picked up steam with the movie Gasland and that WOOPS learned a valuable lesson from it. He explained that with so many people believing that Gasland, Big Foot, and UFOs are real, it will be pretty easy to convince them that all the movies and TV shows about zombies are actually documentaries.
We’ll tell everyone that the Zombie Apocalypse is almost upon us and the government is covering it up so people will keep buying pre-paid burial insurance from greedy mortuaries. That is, why buy burial insurance if you’re going to be immediately converted to a zombie and roam the earth seeking brains? – Mr. Slyntherin
Hortense Delilah Pantiwaste of the Citizens Opposed to Everything We Don’t Understand reacted immediately. “This campaign won’t work. We’re far too smart to fall for such blatant trickery. We know the zombies in The Walking Dead are actors just like the people in Gasland.” Ms. Pantiwaste then excused herself to go to a Save the Woolly Mammoths rally, seeing absolutely no parallels.
A New York advertising agency, Orogenic Manipulators, has been hired to conduct the zombie campaign. Account executive Bovine Screwworm confessed to the brilliance of the campaign at a brief interview with 2P News.
This is such a slam dunk that I’m almost embarrassed to take the WOOPS money. It won’t be that hard. I mean, America elected Obama. Convincing the masses that zombies are real will be so easy that we’re going to piggyback another campaign with it to convince America that the Civil War never happened.
Mr. Slytherin added that just in case this doesn’t work, several back-up campaigns are being considered, such as UFOs controlling Bigfoot to destroy the Federal Reserve and another the conspiracy among housecats to get rid of all dogs.
I’ve had clients who smell like they’ve been dead for a month and have all the moves of a zombie. Those I don’t accept future appointments from. Yes, I have standards.