CALGARY, Alberta – Alberta’s newly appointed Energy Minister, Marg McCuaig-Boyd, was standing in silence yesterday at the first joint industry meeting regarding Alberta’s Oil & Gas future.

The gathering was to be a preliminary meeting prior to Calgary’s Oil Expo to try and hash out a rudimentary forecast of how the government and industry could play nice together and not bring the whole house of cards crashing down around Alberta’s proverbial ankles.  What no one expected was what Minister McCuaig-Boyd began talking about when she began to speak so enthusiastically.

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Marg McCuaig-Boyd, Energy Minister

“Well I know I don’t have much experience in this realm but I am pretty smart and I am a very good listener.  I have been reading online oil and gas news from the last year or so and I think I have gained a good grasp of the issues, politics, and technology at our disposal and I think we can find many ways to make Alberta great without compromising the well-being of both operators and service companies.

For example, I think this Train Pipe is a fantastic idea, as is the use of domesticated animals to haul oil.  Also, this Sequence Calligraphy technique for geologists is absolutely mind-altering.  You know, I saved a whole bunch of those news clippings and I think we can template a lot of those recent developments into a solid plan for Alberta’s energy future. – Marg McCuaig-Boyd

While we do not profess to brag, it seems that Marg McCuaig-Boyd had somehow become fixated on Proved Plus Probable (2P News) and in her utter and glorious excitement took it as PNG Gospel.  It seems the room full of industry leaders listening to her was very quiet right up until she deplored the proposed Keystoned Pipeline, and endorsed the plan to pave all of Albertas roads.

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Johnson DeWeards, Chief Geologist, PNRL

“She got up there and started quoting these articles from 2P News.  It was almost epic if it hadn’t been so damn terrifying.  She thought that garbage was real!  So we sat there, a crowd of almost 300, and listened to her talk for about 45 minutes.  Bendovus this, Finite Resources that, Cheaterson, GheytexSloPump Services, and good god,  BallSmack!?  Sweet mother of fracking what was she smoking?  We haven’t seen anything that embarrassing since Alison Redford tried to change her name to Barbie Cummings. – Johnson DeWeards, Mooncor, speaking to 2P News after the conference

While 2P News appreciates that she liked our writing style and intensity, it is with great remorse that we may have duped such a naive political figure into believing our stories. We feel slightly ashamed and embarrassed for Marg McCuaig-Boyd, as our incredible skills have seemingly led her astray.

We have always tailored our writing to industry specialists and insiders, but to NDP folk it seems the satire is lost and only the vague, Arial size 10 font truth remains.  But we did get hundreds of extra hits as the majority of the new government studied up for any energy related media questions next week, and we love new traffic!


  1. It never ceases to amaze me that despite innumerable notifications people continue to believe that 2P News is for real. I’m not real and, Tom, it’s obvious that you’re not real either.

  2. This article is twisted, it kinda reminds me of a very, very poorly done version of the Matrix, and I don’t even know what that means.


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