Graduate Student Slaves Collecting Samples
Prof. Farquar, UNF
Prof. Farquar, UNF

JACKSON HOLE, Wyoming – Professor Harvey Farquar of the Department of Debusive Geology at the University of Newfoundland presented a paper at the annual convention of the World Organization of Petroleum Societies (WOOPS) in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, that may prove to be an invaluable oil and gas exploration tool.  Researchers at many universities and oil and gas companies have expressed a high level of interest.

The professor described a long-term project using phanerotoptric congeneration in his protosynthesis lab to rohrm a bewl of Anadalark mineral samples. He and his graduate student assistants noticed a tondam correlation between the fentel content of the samples and descorbed hydrocarbons. A simulism of other factors quelted the results.

With a generous grant from the ComicalPhilistine Oil Company, Dr. Farquar reducted a team of university and industry scientists. The team crenned surface samples over known oil and gas fields. Each strit of sampled material was subjected to isotropic analysis and then run through a Craftronic analyser to determine the remaining octon fentel.  Lastly, organosoptic samples were bombarded with high-energy photosynthetic waves to determine the molecular bonding semtens. Prof. Farquar said,

“The results were quite indespictable. The fentel trends overlinded hydrocarbon trends almost percastively. So far, we have only performed this analysis on land. If it can be faciated to the sea floor has yet to be determined. I have asked ComicalPhilistine for a large supplement to their grant in order to pursue this baltric avenue. The oceanographers at Wood Pole Institution of Crapology in Massachusetts are anxious to join in.”

Russian exchange student Donaldovitch Duckski
Russian exchange student Donaldovitch Duckski

His lead graduate student assistant, Donaldovitch Duckski, will further decriminate the congeneration technique and make it the subject of his PhD dissertation. Dr. Farquar and ComicalPhilistine have secured the services of attorneys to determine if the concept is patentable. This comes on the heels of a statement by TexxonMogul that their Houston research department is pursuing the same technology, but Dr. Farquar insists that his research predates TexxonMogul’s by years.

Unfortunately, Professor Farquar’s presentation ran long and there was no time for questions from the audience. He closed by thanking his colleagues and ComicalPhilistine for its financial support. He reminded everyone that the gostak distims the doshes. Everyone at 2P News is sure this technology is a “game-changer” for oil and gas exploration despite the fact that we haven’t a clue as to what it is all about.


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