BUCHAREST, Romania – The government of Romania issued an ultimatum to the African nation of Chad demanding that Chad change its flag to something else. Otherwise, Romania will invade and conquer Chad, forcibly remove all their flags, and take control of all of its oil and gas producing infrastructure. At the heart of the matter is the fact that the flags of the two countries are practically identical. Romania claims to have used the flag design as long ago as the 19th century while Chad’s flag dates to only 1960.
Romanian foreign minister Dbn Oųrtŵzvck stated that a diplomatic solution will be sought first.
“It was really embarrassing at the last Olympics when we realized that what we thought was the Romanian team was actually the Chad team. We can’t allow that to happen again. The Bulgarians and Poles were laughing their asses off at us and that is worse than death.” – Dbn Oųrtŵzvck, Romanian foreign minister
In case negotiations fail, Romania has ordered a map of Africa from Rand-McNally so they’ll be able to find Chad. However, it is unsure if Romania has any military transports capable of reaching Chad. “Not really a problem,” said a spokesman for the War Ministry. “We’ll rent a couple of oil tankers, fill the holds with soldiers and sail to Africa, and on the way back we will come with their oil!” Hopefully, when they receive the map from Rand-McNally they will realize that Chad is landlocked.
To date, no one in Chad has replied to the Romanians or to any inquiries from news media. The one telephone line into the country has been out of order for several weeks and the 0.5G cell phone network shut down last year.
In Washington, U. S. president Joe Bidet, when asked about the situation, said, “Chad? I thought that was the little piece of cardboard that hung up on a bunch of punchcard Florida ballots during the 2000 election. The Republicans got their panties all wadded up about it. Wasn’t there some kind of big deal about it at the Supreme Court?” When informed by the State Department that there really is a country named Chad, he replied, “Oh. Is that where the singers Chad & Jeremy are from? Where is it? What day is it? Where am I?”