- Group’s growth fueled by disgust with ideologies of people from the east, and some folk from the west
- Leader says he’ll mount a no-joke offensive eastward if volunteer membership grows to 50K
CALGARY, Alberta – A group of formerly peaceful pro-pipeline protesters, supporters, and business-folk in Alberta have formed a splinter group whose radical pro-pipeline views are causing considerable concern for law enforcement in the Wild Rose province.
The group has publicly stated that its mandate is to formally challenge Eastern Canada to a no holds-barred civil war. This, after the it learned about the significant national press exposure and sympathies that the auto sector woes in Ontario has been receiving recently.
The movement, aptly called the Anti-East Pro Oil Movement (or FRACKOFF – just use your damn imagination!) claims that the roughly 5,000 job losses that will result in the Oshawa GM plant closures pales in comparison to the over 120,000 job losses in Alberta over the last few years.
2P News field reporter Rodecker Smith sat down with FRACKOFF’s founder and Infinite Resources’ CEO, Steve Sharts, at a Calgary-area Denny’s restaurant to discuss the the genesis of the movement.
“I’ve had it enough, and so have my colleagues, business partners, and friends! That shiny little Pretty Pony and his finance minister broke the camel’s back when they visited calgary a few weeks ago with nothing but chat about how this is a crisis. That guy is following right in his old man’s footsteps that take us back to the NEP in the 1980s where we had people jumping off buildings. That bang-up plan put my first company out of business, and now there’s no support for a pipeline from the liberals out east to give us a hand?
We here out west do more than just talk, we take action. I’ve assembled a group that has grown to over 177 members who are willing to mount an offensive on eastern canada to show them that we mean business. We plan to visit the parliament building and tote some ass whuupin’.” – Steve Sharts, P.Eng., foundeR, FRACKOFF
According to propaganda material the group handed out at the Justin Trudeau and Bill Morneau protests in downtown Calgary over the past 2 weeks, the group is looking to get at least 50,000 volunteers from the Alberta to signup for the cause, before they form a military-style envoy to head East down the Trans-Canada Highway.
When asked where the group is separating the country East from West, Mr. Sharts continued, “We have chosen Winnipeg will be the cutoff, right down Main Street. Anybody standing on the east side of Main is fair game, but if you cross to the West side, you are good in our books.“
Mr. Sharts has assembled a makeshift factory and storage yard on a quarter section of land that he owns 20 minutes west of Calgary. He and his group have started to put together some of the weapons that they will use indiscriminately once they cross eastward across Winnipeg’s Main Street.
A source very close to Sharts, who talked to 2P News under conditions of strict anonymity, has seen members of FRACKOFF working on a number of interesting military initiatives including the following:
- 20-30 skid-mounted trebuchet type contraptions constructed from old pump jacks that are designed to launch surplus tricone and PDC drill bits a distance of up to 500m.
- A number of 400 foot wide agricultural sprinkler systems retrofitted and re-engineered to spray 40 API crude up to 200′ on either side leaving behind a good 400′ swath of oil soaked mess in its wake.
- An arsenal of AR-47 style turbo-charged, semi-automatic paintball machines converted over to shoot crudeballs at 3000 ft/s nozzle velocity.
- A skidded field office fitted with a Bell satellite system and random surplus MWD computers that will serve as the group’s mobile operations center.
- 17 retired drilling and service rig derricks to be used as lookouts and sniper towers for the crudeball gun units.
- Three retired Ft. Mac mining trucks to deliver and safeguard most of the battle equipment. Painted camo of course.
- While this cannot be confirmed, apparently they have a hog pen with 80-100 unemployed middle managers locked up inside. They have been starving and brain washing them for the war, playing videos of Trudeau dancing with cats and talking to dogs. If this conditioning program works, it could potentially become a force of thousands, as everyone knows oil and gas middle managers are quite expendable.
Military analyst and former Canadian Navy Seal, Bruce McCrutchin (Ret.), figures that Sharts and his group may face some very stiff military-style opposition from the east.
“They can expect to see surplus GM car parts flying through the air at them at high speeds and from all angles, and raw sewage squirted from specially modified supersoakers, not so much just east of the dividing line, but more so as they approach central ontario.
Frozen Beavertails fashsioned into 5-POINT ninja stars will also be a great risk coming from northern parts of Ontario and POUTINE BOMBS FROM quebec.
Mr. Sharts and his team had better be prepared for quite the offensive that I expect the east to mount seeing as there is zero element of surprise – the team from the west must have slept through ‘How to go to War 101’.” – Bruce McCrutchin, Military Analyst
FRACKOFF announced on its website earlier this week that it is appealing pro-oil and pro-pipeline supporters to register to its cause and promise to march east with the group.
The deadline for registration is December 31st, 2018, seeing as the group plans to mobilize its troops at the crack of smack on New Years Day. Mr. Sharts is looking for at least 50,000 volunteers, who can register at 2P News below this article (in the comments section) or on the 2P News facebook site.
The radical group is serving notice to all Canadians that they have until the aforementioned deadline to get on the right side, because the FRACKOFF has the mandate to spray oil and launch PDCs first, and ask questions later.