Casket Wars Canada is sweeping the nation

CALGARY, Alberta – From the network that brought you Storage Wars and 27 & Counting, B&E’s brand new reality TV show, Casket Wars Canada, is sweeping the nation and making many loyal fans along the way. Casket Wars is broadcast Wednesdays on CPAC and Shaw’s public access television at 04h00 Mountain Standard Time.

Although the show has a number of main characters, the focus is on two teams: one comprising two former prominent Alberta politicians, and a witty duo made up of an unemployed reservoir engineer and an underemployed exploration geologist.

The program is set in Alberta where the auctioneer, played by fast-talking former Finance Minister Joe “New Math” Ceci, travels across the once-prosperous province visiting cemeteries looking for caskets that have not been visited in such a long time that they can be put up for bid. The idea is that the caskets and headstones are salvaged by participants in an attempt to make some money to help ends meet. The program’s producers arrange to have auctions setup on caskets that have not been visited in at least 2 years.

Joffrey Geeystot, reality TV hit sensation

“Never in a million years did I think that there was some money to be made bidding on caskets and turning things around to make some cash. Despite holding a masters in geological sciences, working as a greeter at beaver lumber just wasn’t cutting it. At least now, I get to put my knowledge of geology to good use.” – Joffrey Geeystot, P.Geo.

Joffrey’s teammate, an unemployed petroleum reservoir engineer, Alan Richaud, P.Eng., make an ideal duo to tackle some of the trickiest caskets to be found. Joffrey’s secret weapon is a geophone array that he uses to detect the composition of the casket, which he can correlate to quality which feeds into his bidding strategy. His knowledge of rocks allows him to easily estimate the value of the headstone. Alan’s role is to use his handy-man skills to re-engineer and refurbish the caskets to a point where the team can flip them on Kijiji as gently used. He also uses a rock cutting machine to furnish headstone granite counter tops and other household goods, including jewelry that can be sold at local-area swap meets.

Alison Redford and “Steady” Eddie Stelmach form another prolific team, but unfortunately, seeing as Alison is in charge of bidding on the caskets, the team typically overspends on each bid and find it very hard to turn a profit.

Ed “Stelly” Stelmach

“I’m not sure what’s up with ol’ Ally, but she seems to be off on the high side by at least 2 orders of magnitude. She bid on a casket of a geophysicist who was brex’d a few years back at a theme park near Calgary. Based on what I could see on the plywood headstone and zero flowers on-site, I recommended a max bid of $75, but she came in at $9,700 and now we’re stuck with the damn thing!” Ed Stelmach on Alison Redford’s bidding practices. He continued, “I suppose that’s why she bombed when she was on The Price is Right.

2P News entertainment reporter Cynthia Redbush gives Casket Wars Canada 4.5 out of 5 stars and recommends that you get to some binge watching.


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