Justin Trudeau - Speech Recognition

EDMONTON, Alberta – Since the fall of 2015, the vast majority of Canadians have tried in vain to figure out what Justin Trudeau is ever actually saying. More often than not, the few seemingly random words that he spews, interleaved with countless hums, errs, ahhs, and umms, is difficult to decipher by even the most well-seasoned speech psychologists in the field.

One hundred per cent of over 27 million Canadians recently polled answered “No Clue” when asked if they understood anything spoken by the unicorn-mounted prince.

Fortunately, a group of researchers from the University of Alberta’s neuro-bio-chemical research lab believe they have developed a system that can decode what exits Justin Trudeau’s mouth so that everyday people can understand him. The group believes that every Canadian has the right to understand what the prime minister is saying, so they set off to build a system to help the masses.

Trudeau’s 2019 campaign video below shows an example that clearly illustrates how it is impossible to understand what he is saying.

The lead scientist behind the research, Dr. Marcy Hoobstunk, spoke to 2P New’s Dr. Darcy Flowman about what went into the developing the system.

Dr. Marcy Hoobstunk, lead researcher

“This task was more difficult than we initially anticipated because the artificial intelligence algorithms really struggled to process genuine stupidity. So we decided to train the machine learning model on the over 749 idiobytes of audio and video that has been generated since Justin took office. Despite having copious volume of this data, there was very little information held within in, but that’s where the computers can really help out” – Dr. Marcy Hoobstunk

The AI model underpinning this new Trudeau Translator Technology (TTT), as it is called, processes both audio along with video of Mr. Trudeau’s facial expressions as he speaks. Together, the algorithms use a number of unnatural language processing techniques that results in plain, clear, and concise English.

One example of the TTT’s training input data and cross-correlated reinforced learning computationally statistical output from the research is presented below.

Question: “Mr. Prime Minister, what colour are the socks you are wearing right now? A one-word answer will suffice.”

Justin: “Well… errr… I believe that… ummm… errrr…. ***crickets***… that the people of this great country Canada will say…. ummm… that the… errr… let’s see… indigenous peoples… ummm… oh right, socks!… the cotton from… errr… ***more crickets*** which my socks were made… umm… were done so… by some of the greatest feminists… errr… Scheer… socks.”

TTT: “The SNC thing was just a tiny road bump on my path to a second term. Canadians are idiots with short memories and I shall rule them for another 4 years come this fall! Suckas!”

The Prime Minister’s Office did not respond when asked to comment on the new technology and whether it will work to Justin’s benefit leading up to the October federal election.


  1. Perhaps part of the difficulty in understanding Justin Trudeau is that he has an identical twin sister, Bustin Trudeau. Because reporters can’t tell them apart, many things she says is attributed to him.


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