Calgary, Alberta – A recent study conducted by the Department of Infectious Diseases at the University of Central Alberta has concluded that COVID-19 can indeed be transmitted by mosquitos. The study found that nearly all patients testing positive for COVID had some form of contact with mosquitos. The foundation of the study hinged on the idea that mosquitos are known to carry diseases, but they are not known for caring about physical distancing from humans.
It seems that COVID-19 can reside on a persons skin for a long enough period that it can be distributed from human to human on the mosquitos feet. And when humans scratch their mosquito bites, then pick their nose or eat their scabs, it can infect the person doing so, much like scratching your crotch and then smelling your fingers can give you nausea.
Dr. Aberhorn Gerr, the primary research associate on the Covid-O team, says the correlation is undeniable.
“If you follow the tracing, it’s clearly evident. Mosquitos are always too close to humans. Humans cough or sneeze on mosquitos. Now the mosquito has COVID on it’s wings and proboscis. It jams it’s little face into another human and BANG, COVID-O! Theres is nothing we can do unless we kill all mosquitos. All of them.” – Dr Aberhorn Gerr, Bio-Geological Insect Investigator
Given this discovery that mosquitos can carry the virus, it seems the City of Calgary is getting ready to fight back with an all organic program to kill all mosquitos in the city and surrounding area.
Loudspeakers of a high enough volume and amperage can cause distortion in the air and disrupt the flight patterns of mosquitos. So the city plans to install speakers on every light post withincity limits, then crank up the tunes to drive them out.
Apparently, mosquitos also hate Nickelback and blasting it loudly should either kill, or help to repel all of the flying death-bugs out of the region. Studies have also shown that they also have a strong distaste for Justin Bieber and Drake. The downside is that many reclusive engineers in other parts of the province like Nickelback, and may return to Calgary.