Mike Rotchburns, a former reservoir engineer, essayist, and cultural critic, is the author or the NW Calgary best-selling home-printed booklet “Please shut the fuck up already”

When 2P News co-founders Darcy and Antoine asked me to write a guest opinion piece about working with annoying people, I jumped at the chance. Today, I will let off a bit of steam about that one person in the office who is God’s gift to his or her profession. We all work with one of these types. If that character doesn’t ring a bell, just read the following and put a face to what you read:

“Oh, oh, look at me! I’m so important! The work I do is always mission critical, and I need to shout from the mountain tops that this is so! If I get even the slightest inkling that you don’t know how important the work is that I do, I’ll be sure to let you know. How? By setting up meetings, and always having something important to say, even if it’s just regurgitating what somebody else has said but with my spin of importance layered on top! Even if what I say isn’t important, I make it sound that way. If you think I’m having a seizure as my arms flail around while I’m talking, I’m not. I’m just hyper-animated, which is my ploy to get your attention. Remember, without me, my team will fall apart at the seams!” – *that* coworker

Unless you work exclusively by yourself, there is somebody in your work setting who is just like this. And if you don’ think so, then… hmmm… I hate to break it to you, but it’s you.

If this describes you, then you are a horrible, horrible human being.

If you’re on the payroll, then clearly there’s a need for you around the office. We all know that you have a job to do – we all have a job to do, that’s why we come to work. Okay, I understand that you love to hear the sound of your own voice, and that your arms may be uncontrollable, but here’s the thing: you are impressing nobody. In fact, your personality type serves nothing but to annoy the hell out of everybody around you. Period.

We all have deadlines and milestones to meet, but we just don’t feel that everybody needs to know about them every minute of every day. We don’t care about them. Nobody really cares about them. Just put your head down, get your shit done, and shut the fuck up. It’s really that simple. Let your work speak for itself, you DO NOT need to speak for it.

Signing off, and oh, Happy Valentines Day!!

Mike Rotchburns


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