CALAGARY, Alberta –   Massive wildfires have broken out in eastern Canada and British Columbia and the smoke plumes are severe enough to cause breathing problems among millions people throughout North America.  Wind patterns are moving much of the smoke south into the USA and causing a thick haze over the upper east coast, disrupting air traffic and highway travel.  It has been reported that both Justin Trudeau and Joe Biden have sneezed.  This caused a full-scale alert at the North American Air Defense Command.

A majority of people already have a decent supply of masks left over from the COVID panic and you are advised by health authorities to make use of them in the current situation.  That, or quit breathing.  What to do about it has the US Environmental Protection Agency completely baffled and they have no idea at all what to do.  Following their usual procedure, they will wind up making some imperious pronouncement about how they are studying the situation and will issue a report in 20-30 years if the US Congress appropriates enough money.

This isn’t the first time Canada has given it to its neighbour to the South. In 2013, Canada exported some goods to America, which appeared to be payback for crappy beer and even crappier hockey players.

Related News: Canada in a coma after its 146th birthday party.

One action the US government has already taken is to transport all of the marijuana it has seized on the Mexican border up to the northeast and dump it on the fires.  Of course, this just makes the fires worse, but the people nearby don’t care nearly as much.  The provincial government of British Columbia is dealing with its own wildfires and is using the burning weed to placate their own populace.

Just to make light of what is really a serious situation, here are a few of fart jokes you may not have heard.  Does a giraffe know what a fart smells like?  Does King Charles III only fart noble gasses?  Ninja fart- silent but deadly.  Tear gas is actually “reprocessed” beans and onions.  Do farts in movie come with closed captioning?  But then, has anyone in a movie actually farted?


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