Chestjet’s stock deflates as female flight attendants go on strike

EDMONTON, Alberta – Stock price for high-flying ChestJet Airlines plummeted after the company’s female flight attendants called to strike action yesterday. This news nullified the surge in share price resulting from the Edmonton-based airline posting stronger than expected second quarter results last week.

Prices were recently on the rise ever since the unique airline resumed its Edmonton to Bangkok Happy Ending flights.  News of the strike is set to destabilize the small start up, but management claims they can deal with it as long as the strike leaders will negotiate.

According to reports, Chestjet management mandated that well-endowed female flight attendants wear lower cut tops and shorter skirts, while the men were asked to wear tighter pants. In both cases, artificial stuffing was highly recommended where necessary. Richard Chestman, Chestjet’s founder, President, and CEO, staunchly stands by the proposed dress code.

The executive management team, the board, and myself, we all believed this was a great idea.  But I suppose we had the flight attendants pegged dead wrong. Our thinking is that the new dress code would increase the tips that the flight attendants would earn, 50% of which would be rolled back into the company to offset increasing operating costs from higher than normal jet fuel prices.  We are also prepared to offer “Dollar Draft” from our Wing-Kegs to increase the percentage of tippers.  Nothing like ice cold frosty beer pumped in from 30,000ft to get people giving! We also believed that the new dress code would enable the flight attendants to be more creative in coming up with innovative ways to spruce up the pre-flight safety briefing. The flight attendants, too, are owners, and we thought they cared.

To prepare for the imminent strike, Chestjet has recruited a number of flight attendants from Amsterdam’s Red Light Airways, who coincidentally were on strike due to a new dress code that required that they cover more up. Johanneke Naaktgeboren, head flight attendant at Red Light Airways, was interviewed at the Edmonton International Airport and asked about Chestjet’s new dress code:

I am really looking forward to this new opportunity here in Canada. The new dress code that Chestjet has better aligns with the way my colleagues and I would dress back home.  I can wear the same clothes to work as I wear to the nightclub with my girlfriends.  The only thing better would be fluffier pillows for those Red Eye pillow fights we have in the forward cabins. In fact, even this new dress code is a little conservative for us. I used to wear no top and things were okay – that’s just the way it is in Amsterdam. I don’t know why Red Light is trying to change that, but I’m happy to be here.

In light of these recent developments at Chestjet Airlines, rival Air Canada has lodged a complaint with the Aviation Competition Bureau alleging that Chestjet is partaking in unfair business practices. Air Canada claims that the new dress code and hiring of Scandinavian hotties to replace striking flight attendants makes it impossible for them to compete thanks in large part to the crown corporation’s lesser attractive and miserable flight staff.

When asked about the proposed dress code and replacement flight attendants, John Upsmythe, a passerby at YEG, exclaimed,

Oh yeah, now we’re talking. I’m diggin’ the proposed dress codes and the ladies from Amsterdam. I’m basically going to fly with Chestjet just for the sake of flying, with nowhere to really go. I have all sorts of frequent flyer points and I’m gonna use them all – that’s for dang sure! – John Upsmythe, traveller