JAMJAR, China – In a landmark political move, both daring and risky, Chinese President, Jirao Chen Chingtao Si, recently announced that his country will build a pipeline to bring crude oil and bitumen to his country’s refineries. The announcement comes on the heels of the “We Love Mother Earth so eff You” conference in White Rock, BC, where protesters were up in arms about the green and the mother and the evil oilsands. As much as was accomplished at this gathering, where some of the brightest minds in Canada congregated, it will undoubtedly be overshadowed by this recent announcement.
(We see a new dawn for our people and a new economic boom for the world, and our debtors. We will collect all the money they owe us in the form of oil and gold. We start with oil.) – Jirao Chen, after the announcement
The pipeline will be built in an unusual fashion, and it will surely have adversaries from the environmental lobby. It is designed as a triple-walled pipeline string with 36 and 30 inch casing, with an interior flow pipe diameter of 28 inches. The caveat is that the outer two strings of casing are filled with Helium, and the pipeline is designed to float on the surface of the Pacific Ocean. The Chinese have already begun to produce the thick, double-walled pipe in massive quantities, and claim it is far faster to forge and construct the pipeline than shipping tankers. China has also started to re-evaluate identified shipping lanes between China and a port in Alaska, but revisions have not been seen as a hurdle, as most of the shipping companies are wholly owned divisions of the Chinese government. A zone North of the pipelines route will be unpassable and termed ‘The Zone of Circular Travel‘.
The pipeline’s route will originate in the city of Quindoo, Wussah Province, and will run to a switching terminal in Hawaii. From Hawaii the pipeline will be tentatively run to about 5km outside of Canadian waters, in anticipation that our Canadian government will approve the completion of it at that point. Plans are under way here in Canada as well to build a line from Fort McMurray into the Yukon, over to Alaska, and then outward to the open ended CNOCC ‘floater’. The flow of bitumen and dilbit from oilsands producers is expected to utilize a triple walled above ground line, monitored visually by a task force of highly trained Greenpeacers, First nations, and Inuit.
Absolutely ANY leakage or drips, or rust, or damage will be reported and immediately repaired! – Ken Graburgootch, Greenpeace
During the interim waiting period, if the Canadian side of the pipe is delayed, China has plans to pump seawater back through the pipeline from the coast of BC and desalinate it for sale as premium bottled water in China.
This is all we need. Fuck!