CALGARY, Alberta – A massive sewer backup at the Beau Building went unnoticed until last week when a maintenance engineer found the lower levels of the recently discovered underground labs full of human sewage.  Although visitors to the building had been complaining about the smell during meetings and conferences, staff had not noticed any change in office odor.

Shandy Hasbeen

That shithole smells awful!  And it has for at least 2 weeks since we started evaluating their data rooms.  We complained but the staff their said they didn’t smell anything – it was as though there was nothing wrong, but any outsider will tell you it smelled worse than dumpster juice on a +30 day.

Gross, and now it sounds like there is 40 cubic meters of shit in their basement?  Wow. What the heck?  – Shandy Hasbeen, A&D Specialist with Wattmony Resources

After the leak was discovered and made public, staff still could not acknowledge a change in the air inside the Beau building.  Air quality testing equipment was brought in and the level of airborne fecal matter was measuring off the scale.  Researchers have pulled filters from the air handling units in the Beau and compared historical values from filter samples using X-Ray diffraction and chemical radiography.

We pulled the filters from the air handling units, which were in use for the 3 months before the leak occurred, and the results were staggering.  The filters were completely clogged up with fecal residue, which meant that the air had literally been full of shit for months before the sewage leak.  Odd, but true.  There is a monthly sweep of the lower levels, and no leakage had occurred prior to December 3rd, 2013.  I cannot explain where all this shit came from. – Gregory Ramziky, Air Quality Researcher, UofC

A toilet in the 32nd floor women’s bathroom. Staff reported nothing wrong.

Secondary to the sewage backup, the issue now facing Enkarma Corporation, Bendovus Energy, and their stylish Beau building is the source of the air borne fecal material.  Management has tried dietary restrictions for staff to prevent excessive gas release, but it has not seemed to help.

The other solution, as brought to light in meetings with corporate competitors, is simply to cut the amount of speaking that the building’s tenants can do at any time.  Although not popular with Enkarma and Bendovus staff, the strictly enforced policy of wearing a 3-stage active charcoal filter respirator full face mask has reduced fecal levels in the air by 40% in just a few days.

A Business Unit meeting at EnKarma shortly after the new face mask policy was put in place.

With a new policy in place and the building being retrofitted with individual office filters and exterior air handling fans, staff should be allowed to resume normal work routines sans respirators by mid 2015.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here