BREAKING NEWS!! The 2014 Winter Oilympics have been cancelled after only 3 days. Event organizers, with the help of Area RCMP, closed down the innaugural Winter Oilympics after participants became too drunk to participate, spectators became too drunk to spectate, and activities on the entire 3/4-section grounds deteriorated into a drunken stupor of unprecedented levels. Officers made 258 arrests, laid 420 charges, and sent hundreds home after a corner to corner melee broke out. And now back to normal news…
CALGARY, Alberta – The economics of doing business in the oil and gas industry is changing every day. We are seeing round after round of cuts and layoffs, while hiring for new and exotic positions seems to be gaining traction with operators around the world. One such business decision occurred in May of 2013, when Bendovus chose to eliminate the Senior Vice President of Oilsands Operations, Phillip Seemore.
As 2P News reported last year, rather than let Mr. Seemore go and pay him a hefty severance, Bendovus Energy demoted him to a position where he greeted people in the ground floor lobby, much like greeters at chain stores WalMart and Target do. This new position saved the Bendovus some money in the short term, but it seems that there was some fine print in his contract that nobody noticed until bonus awards season hit the downtown core in January, 2014. Mr. Seemore was awarded a $25.7 million dollar bonus based on his LTI and PERK Rewards program that no one bothered to modify when his position in the company was downgraded.
We were writing up the bonuses and in the process of handing them out to our employees when we came across Mr. Seemore’s benefits and awards documentation. It seems that for his hard work answering the door and pushing elevator buttons since last May, he has acrued a $20.1 million dollar bonus payout that reflects corporate earnings via profit sharing agreements in place while he was acting Senior VP Operations, and an additional $5.6 million of long term incentives and stock options payout.
This is a grave oversight, but I fear there is nothing we can do retroactively, as it was still in his contract, and we must legally honour it, much to the chagrin of executive management and shareholders. Neal Bobber – VP of CFO’s and CAR’s Bendovus
Although Mr. Seemore has been unavailable for comment, he has been seen still working the door at Bendovus Energy’s main office tower, and notably in great spirits. He has also apparently taken to parking his Lamborghini on the sidewalk, and simply paying the tickets with his currently active Bendovus expense card. Mr. Seemore is also reportedly buying drinks for any Bendovus employees who can sneak away during work hours. This graciousness has been a point of publicity for Seemore’s legal council through this matter.
My client feels that he is simply rewarding all the poor bastards that have to work for this blood sucking entity of a corporation. They treat people with such disdain, he just wants to make them happier. Once he began greeting people at the door, he saw the error of Bendovus’ ways and set out to get it right. Between a horrible air handling policy in the Beau Tower and those laboratories they found beneath it, this company simply needs to take better care of its employees, and Mr. Phillip Seemore is acting on that premise. – John Atfallwer, AALFR